Too Old to be a Hooker...Too Young to be a Madam
Elissa Eaton
A Sexual Tragedy
April Moon and Lance Lust

April Moon
Everyone calls me April; coming out cracked as a yoke, lying in a bed of four-leaf clover, I burst upon the theatrical scene. The full moon was riding behind when Hollywood took me under its tainted wing. I had a vision wrapped in tinfoil. Now, a star-spangled mirage of too many premiers at the Grauman’s Chinese - the sweet life dream, champagne by the carload, Beluga caviar at $100 a tin. My lifestyle somehow recalls the era of babies and bathtub gin - a definite rebuke to the puritan ethic.

I’m a dichotomy. My occupation is stunt woman, actress and artist. Mainly, I’m a poet. My Silver Cloud 280 Z climbs the mountain entertaining chrome-tipped celebrities and artists - perpetually in a state of intermission.

I live the fringe life of Hollywood - streaking through each day like a comet careening off its course - traveling abroad to London, Paris and Rome.

Squandering my genuine talents in the smoky lights of the discotheques - relentless caper for all those who float between the darkened rooms, sleeping the legend of their youth into the noon.

Then I met Lance.

Lance Lust
Sometimes my streaked yellow hair looks like mom’s own lemon meringue pie. Not bad coming out of a Clairol bottle - No. 24: Born Blonde.
A six foot scarecrow. Arms and legs like tentacles and teeth as white and even as a picket fence. Peering at the world through these piercing blue eyes that think everything is the Pacific Ocean.
Call it talent or my scent of madness - whatever you want.
I was hatched in a plywood shack in Humboldt, Tennessee. Like a nocturnal creature prowling the hardlands, trying to seed the world. Let me get another beer and my Saratoga Golds. You know I try to do good - always reading the Bible, watching my religious programs.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hurt women intentionally. Even as far back as Bayou Territory they were too easy for me, like a dress rehearsal, wearing duller climaxes.
Yes, I was born a movie star, easy money with its promise of success, never really liking to work. I climbed the somber concrete walls of the Terminal Island Federal Correctional Facility, went over the wall and under the bridge after robbing the Bank of Hawaii. Then, when I walked out, I ran an orphanage for emotionally disturbed monks. I passed the wrong bar at college, coming straight from West Point to hard core in a single bound. Being an x-rated skin flick idol, you could make love to all the chicks and get paid for it at the same time. My favorite loop was a movie called “Lipps and McCain”. I played Lipps and had to make love to three girl scouts. By the end of the shoot, everyone got their cookies off. I never yet met a woman I couldn’t satisfy. Later, I became a computer consultant and came in last at the demolition derby. Then I flew back to Hollywood. Well someone has to live this way, it might as well be me.
So I go with the flow. But flesh is just another lesson I have to learn. For me, my life is a fight and wound which dreams of being healed.

‘Too Old to be a Hooker...Too Young to be a Madam’ is available at the following
Los Angeles Bookstores:

Barnes & Noble The Grove, Barnes & Noble Third Street Promenade, Barnes & Noble Bookstar Studio City, Book Soup, Skylight Books, Vroman’s, The Canyon Country Store, amazon.com, Kindle and other online retailers.Too Old to be a Hooker Too Young to be a MadamToo Old to be a Hooker Too Young to be a MadamToo Old to be a Hooker Too Young to be a MadamElissa Eaton