The tiniest peek of sun began to dispel the darkness, informing Tammy the morning routine was about to begin; but what she was facing was too big to shake off. How could she pretend everything was okay when she felt like she was holding a grenade in her hand wondering if and when it was going to go off.
She coasted through the day on auto-pilot, a steady stream of voices playing tug of war with her heart. Was she weak or was she strong? Was she selfish or fighting for life? Was she saving the lives of her kids or destroying them?
The sound of Caleb and Angela coming in from school jolted her into the afternoon. She found herself in the bathroom but didn’t remember walking into it. She couldn’t let them notice she was acting strange. She breathed deeply before walking out. What she desperately needed was some fresh air.
“Hey kiddos, I’m going for a walk, okay?
She headed out the door. Even though she was exhausted from the sleepless night, she walked faster than normal, and it felt good. One minute, her heart was breaking, and the next, she didn’t trust herself what she might do with her anger. A video of the last twenty-five years played in her head.