It`s a strange feeling

I get it every time I finish a story.
I`m left feeling so emotionally drained
fearing that I won`t be able to write anything else



I feel so useless
I know it will pass, but I still end up worrying

It keeps coming back. It`s easy to fall into that trap, fear, distress, worries.

I know I have a great life. But still... It`s a worry beyond all those petty problems.. Those you can manage to get through. Those who hold you back.

What do I do?

I seek. I wander. Through art.

One of my favorite pictures, and that I keep coming back too in such times, is this one.



There is something about it. It scares me. And it inspires me
Like so much other works of human ingenuity, creativity, struggle and victories - it makes me realize, that you got to keep fighting. keep writing

And it always turns out the right way




I find myself back, behind my desk, bashing out words like they never left me

It`s the best feeling in the world.

Writing... when you get so connected you`re scared by your own words, feel sorry for the characters you have created... you fall in love with them

I lose connection to the outside world - shut myself in for hours and hours... And the joy of finishing it - to hold it in your hands.

Creativity is happiness
and although there are times when it feels like shit, when you`re stuck, your characters don`t feel right, the words don`t come out the way they should

I always find myself coming back to that state where creativity flows, and then I am happy
Like I did today

Now it`s back to babysit my classmates, who are celebrating. While I am sober and responsible. Maybe I will try to continue writing afterwards

I hate being sober in those situation. And I feel sad. That we human beings cannot be together without having to get drunk, high or doing mean things to each other...