Walking on Egg ShellsThat is at least what happens in many homes over the festive season. All of a sudden people who might not get together for the rest of the year are in the pressure cooker of expectations. All the tv commercials tell us it is a time of good cheer. Alcohol does not cause rows - it just lowers the inhibitions so that you are more likely to say exactly what is on your mind...no holds barred.

Here are a few tips from my book "Walking on Egg Shells":-

Before you go in 'all guns blazing'see if you can recognise the irritation you are feeling and speak about it at that stage. If you are assertive and get the annoyance out in the open, quietly, directly to the person who is distressing you, the matter may be cleared up immediately. If you don't and you 'hold your tongue' for the sake of the day then you may find that you boil over before the end of the day.

Ask yourself what is hurting you about the situation. Under anger there is always some hurt. Can you say what the hurt is about? Can you say to the other person "You hurt me when...and I am angry about that". Now I appreciate that the other person may become defensive and the matter can escalate quickly.

My Husband would tell you that I slam kitchen cupboards when cross. You see, I cannot always take my own advice! What do you normally do? Can you try to do something differently? Walk away until you calm down is great if you can do it (also, if you are the other person never block the exit).

Here are some questions to think about ahead of time:-
Do you believe that you each have a right to respect for your point of view even if different?

Are you willing to not let yourself sulk? It is a power play - so not an expression of self respect. This is behaviour learned in childhood and never acceptable.

Do not back down just for the sake of a quiet life. Trying to sweep a conflict 'under the carpet' does not work. Holding a grudge indicates you are either very emotionally immature or that you have not actually resolved the dispute.

Ask for an apology and accept it for the hurt - not necessarily for what was said or done.

If you are the person asked for an apology please think about giving a heartfelt one as nothing less will do. Did you truly mean to cause the other person to feel distress? If so, what does that say about you and your self-worth?

"Walking on Egg Shells" is a Kindle e-book that covers this subject so you might want to read it BEFORE the big day.

I hope you have a great holiday season.