‘Vacillate’

In my dreams vacillate,

on whether to attack, n lash back at the hate

or leave it alone all together, n just walk away

but if turning my cheek should lead to turning my back then
that is the epitome of a cold shoulder. so…

I cannot claim to have reacted in faith,

nor can I claim to know the inner peace that Love begets
when one reacts with grace

Maybe I’m diggin’ a bit too deep

but if that’s the case…

consider these ponderings a self-supporting funeral ‘cuz I’ve
got far too many facts to face

n’ I’ll be damned if I’ll second guess my passionate musings
in order for some so-called social order to be saved

‘cuz more-n-more truth gets distorted anyway so why be
another rat in a backwards race?

For Heaven-n-Hell’s sakes folks don’t be afraid to go full
throttle toward dreams or when it comes to the obligated “day-to-day” things be
afraid to pump ya brakes

‘cuz only you can do you…

anything more or less is fake

Dig it I’m speaking real shit ‘cuz I’ll admit it I’ve had
mad “crow” upon my plate but found the fallacies were too challenging to pack
with the weight… wait breathe a lil-n-know it’s okay to escape so long as you
make your return an expedient one ‘cuz believe it or not,

Life is a stake.

Nobody’s Fool

February 2013

       _________________________________________________________________

Orphan

Conceptualizations becoming actualized transgressions and my
heart can take no more…

that withered web you’ve spun so well untangles at my tear,

the lies you sold and cherished near leave you alone here in
this space,

and when it’s the end of your days another tear leaves it’s
trail on my face

that tear released signifies my freedom from you and your
life lived for terror

that tear traced every way everything I could never say has
held me as your captive

the tear traced was not to mourn the monster I called dad

but to tell the world and myself there was still flesh under
all your scabs

that I still stood with my heart beating 

and my fears traced
my face

and I know nothing of a life lived absent fear but I think
I’ll walk for the first time today

No more running and hiding my joy

You’re gone now, I don’t have to pretend to be your girly
boy, and as I get to know me

the one you’ve oppressed so long, I guess I’ll find my fear
of becoming you was not lurking in every shaded corridor

I don’t expect to know me right away

after all in all your years you never knew me a day

I’ll wake with a smile and a little trepidation too

knowing the world isn’t ever going to be half as cruel as
you

my father rested that fateful day when I was twelve

the monster they gave in his place has no place in my life
and dad, I’ll not stay afraid of you

The daughter you never had.

UKVos

2-5-2013