It has been a while since I’ve updated. I stated as much in my last post, since I was still really sad (and also really busy!) after I finished posting the sequel. I find it really odd now that it’s something equally sad that has suddenly sprung me back into posting: My Chemical Romance has ended. But I think most of you who still read this probably already knew that.

The fact is, I really didn’t enjoy my break from posting on here that much. Sure, I got a lot of work done and I have a lot of fun stories to tell about that, but anytime I’m not involved in this area — the band, writing, art and music in general — I feel as if there is something missing. The ubiquitous missing piece, as cliche as it sounds, always ends up feeling less like it’s missing when I’m either writing, creating something, or listening/reading other people who have created wonderful things. These cliches and naive statements, as much as I know they’re ridiculous, are so comforting.

I want this post to be short, but I don’t really do short that well. Even now with school or teaching obligations that I have, my mind ends up spiraling everywhere and all at once. But I will try, because I don’t want to get ahead of myself. I loved this band for such a long time and like everyone else that I’ve met through this story, they mean the world to us. But just because they end, does not mean the world ends. It’s not even a process of letting go now, either. It’s a process of creation all over again. Because endings give things meanings. Now that My Chemical Romance has ended, we actually can see their place in history and how they have affected us all at once. They wanted it to end when it needed to end, and so it has. But now we can step back from them, look at their work as a book or piece of art that is contained, complete. When they were perceptually keeping us in limbo and waiting from one album to the next, we had no idea what to think. But now we can create our own meaning about how they fit into our lives, and we can make something so completely wonderful out of that.

Their last live show.

At least, this is my hopeful intention. As soon as I found out that they were done, and I confirmed this by googling a million articles and then watching the fandom explode, I had two reactions: profound grief because they were my way of making meaning for such a long time. And then, I felt utter relief because now I could step back and start to understand that meaning and create something out of it.

I have a plan. I have many plans, in fact, but there are a few that have come to the surface as soon as I heard about their break up. And when I read Gerard Way’s most recent twitter post, my resolve was strengthened again:

I didn’t realize it, but I stopped being sad the minute that bird had come into my life, because there was something that needed doing, a small vessel to aid and an order to keep. I closed the door. I decided to write the letter I always knew I would.

This entire post ripped at me in all the best ways. Part of me finds it utterly ridiculous because REALLY? Really? We had to use a bird as a symbol for change and freedom? Really? Oh god. I see. But the whole thing made me realize just how much I missed doing what I really love the most — writing. I’ve been wandering around most of this weekend, because the sun is finally up for longer, and I had to do so much travelling, and thinking some of the same things that he does in this post:  ”I looked around and began to breathe. Things looked to be about the same- a beautiful day.” I really only feel the intense grief over this when I think of the past — but when I think of what I have coming up, and the things that I have planned, I am so excited that I cannot contain myself.

I have a story that is maybe halfway done that I am going to spend most of April and May completing. Then, I have much larger plans that I will need to put into action, but I will need all of your help completing.

But I am getting ahead of myself  There will be more updates soon enough, but for now, I will leave you all with one of my favourite songs: