A reader of The Geisha Secret asked, “What are the geisha Rituals to ‘pick up’ guys? Are you allowed to talk to men first and if not, what ways should a woman act to get a man to come over to her?

If you desire a man starting a conversation with you, it is best to be physically and mentally prepared. Physically prepared means that you look your best and you are feminine and non-aggressive in your execution and movements. This patience means that you wouldn’t initiate a conversation with a man and you wouldn’t ask a man out because for a man, part of the thrill of pursuing a woman is hearing her say yes when he asks her out. If you push hard to initiate a conversation with a man or you ask him out, you have turned into the aggressor and you are less exciting to a man.

Then how do you get a man to take notice of you and desire to have a conversation with you? Assuming you look your best so that men are initially attracted to you, how you act thereafter will further entice a man to speak to you. Your movements should be subtly sexy. For instance, if your eyes lock with a man from across the room, slowly and gently look away from him in a controlled manner. Then continue to do what you were previously doing. If he is interested in you, you have tempted him and he will be curious to know more about you, as more fully described in Ritual 3 of The Geisha Secret (Ritual 3 Have Subtle Sex Appeal).

Next, you must be in the right mental state, which means your thoughts should coincide with your physical appearance. If you see a man you find attractive, you shouldn’t be thinking I wish he would ask me out. It’s helpful to look in his direction so he sees you notice he is there, but you should lead your eyes elsewhere so you are not gazing at him. Keep yourself occupied with other thoughts because if you’re waiting around for him to speak to you, you’re mentally distracted and your presence can turn into either nervousness or aggressiveness, which a man may sense. You will also appear easily obtainable and you are less intriguing to chase if it’s obvious you are waiting for a man.

Your mind should be in a positive, friendly state because men will be drawn to your energy. You may have noticed that the woman in a bar who isn’t available is often the woman who is approached the most by men. Or when you have a boyfriend you get asked out more than when you are single. When a taken woman walks into a bar, her presence isn’t screaming, “I need a man!” Instead, men are saying to themselves that they would like to know her better. This is because this is the time a woman has a positive spirit about her and a strong inner confidence, yet she is not available so a man feels her independence coupled with her liveliness, which makes a woman more intriguing and attractive.

When you are single, you should have this same presence around men. You should possess a positive, fun spirit while not seeking out a man to ask you on a date. You can think in your mind a man is attractive and throw a glance in his direction to subtly flirt, but you shouldn’t do everything you can to strike up a conversation with him and you absolutely should not ask him out. With the combination of your outer and inner beauty, plus your positive mental state and outgoing attitude, men will take notice of you and find ways to speak to you. When this happens, it is up to you to be at ease, yet lively when you speak to a man, while not revealing too much of yourself in the first conversation, as more fully described in Ritual 9 of The Geisha Secret (Ritual 9 Be The Prize That Is Pursued). Every woman has it within her to attract and intrigue men.

Yours in Spirit,

Hanako

Author of The Geisha Secret