I was in a waiting room for a rural health clinic … my clinic, the one where I entrust the doctors, physician’s assistants and nurses with my own healthcare needs. The network of clinics of which this one is part specializes in assuring that no one, no matter their economic status, goes without essential healthcare. I go there because I respect the organization as well as the health providers working there. I trust them.

That day I was waiting for an injured friend who had been unable to drive herself to the clinic. Keep in mind it was a public place frequented by many patients who fall in that way-too-wide gap in the old health-care system where they make too much money to qualify for Medicaid and too little to be able to afford insurance.

One woman, a white face among the brown, took a seat and began to complain loudly to her companion about the “crazy” things the President was doing. I laid the manuscript I’d brought with me in my lap, looked at her and said, “Crazy? You mean like fighting to ensure everyone gets basic healthcare?”

The woman went even whiter than her normal color, and for the rest of the time I was still in the waiting room she contemplated her shoes. Only once did she look up at me, obviously terrified. I had planned on continuing the discussion; but instead, I found myself feeling an amazing pity for this woman whose dress, level of literacy in her speech, and demeanor hinted that she was a beneficiary of public support for health services. For me, she triggered an amazing epiphany.

During my life and professional career, I’ve grown to realize that real change is possible not so much because of direct conflict when groups disagree but by recognizing the patterns that cause the conflict and addressing root issues. In working with diversity programs, I’ve learned that the patterns of personal and family relationships are often replicated in the macro social systems between groups and even nations. As I looked at that woman, I strongly suspected that she was abused emotionally, mentally, and, perhaps, physically. She was simply repeating what she had been taught to believe by her abuser … a husband, or perhaps a religious or political leader. It may have even been a long dead parent whom she’d never dared question even after they were gone.

In that instant, this unsuspecting woman gave me clarity on the pattern to be found in the current impasse between the President and the Senate, and the House of Representatives. To continue I must state something I firmly believe, but it may offend some of you. You are free to disagree. Time will tell if my theory is correct.

I believe that the Tea Party movement involves a small segment of U.S. culture who, for Centuries, abused their communities and the entire nation. I grew up in a time when a White woman could sit in a waiting room full of minorities and speak loudly about something espoused by strong, conservative groups and no one would dare question her. To create change we need to acknowledge that our nation has a long history of slavery, genocide of indigenous peoples, subjugation of Hispanic sub-cultures, domination of women, persecution of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered individuals … basically persecution of those populations who were not perceived as holding the power. Although powerful improvements have been made to address sanctioned oppression, we have done little to change the most pitiful minority of all … the oppressors.

When I was on a rape crisis/domestic violence board, I remember that a common scenario was a partner (almost always a man) beating his partner (almost always a woman). As she lay bloodied on the floor he would yell, “See what you made me do!” What’s more, she believed it. Over time, conditioning convinced her that her role in life was to always keep him happy, and if he became unhappy, it was her fault. An abuser controls his or her environment by being unreasonable … by being willing to “up the ante” until any reasonable person will give in because it’s not worth the price to fight.

On average, it takes a victim seven tries before she or he will successfully leave an abuser. It takes time to process and deal with the emotional and mental conditioning undergone before an abuser totally subjugates a victim. It takes time for a victim to look beyond the individual conflicts to see that it is worth the price to stop the pattern, to escape the Hell.

I didn’t do my research, but I do know this is not the first time that Tea Partiers have used the threat of shutting down the federal government to force their minority agendas on the nation. I think that the President and the Senate have simply reached their “Seventh Time.”

It’s time to stop the abusers, and, on the short-term, we, as a nation will have to pay the price. It may get tough, but we must stick to our guns or the patter will simply continue indefinitely. It’s time to let the Tea Party know that their abuse will no longer be tolerated no matter how many times they scream, “Look what you made me do!”