No matter how bad it ever gets between you and your partner, if you have a willing heart and an open mind, things can change and get better. I know at times that this could not feel farther from the truth for you, but everyone goes through dark times in a long term recovering relationship. There really is nothing harder then trying to get along day in and day out with the same person, especially when addiction of any kind has been in the mix. That is not because you are damaged or wrong, it is just the nature of the beast. Long term partnership is hard, takes work, and grows emotional muscles you may never have known you could have.

Given that, how about stepping into a solution? Stop for a moment and bring your attention back into the present moment. Every moment is fleeting.  It is gone, and over. This is also true of your relationship. What you’ve been until this moment is the old relationship, and what you are walking into today, is a new one. Try to treat it as such.

But, how do you craft a new relationship with the same person that you have so much old habit pattern, injury, resentment, frustration and anger toward? You do this by just making the decision to do so.  I’m not suggesting you go into a state of denial, collusion, suppression or lying. I’m suggesting that you include the potential that each moment in time offers you the choice to breath in a new reality. A new reality that takes you out of just  playing the past out over and over again every day of the week, and offers an experience of feeling alive and vital.

Just for today, take the time to be aware of how you’re feeling and what your thinking. Allow yourself to be gentle and calm any fear or anxiety or future dread you may be carrying. See if you can let go of any judgment you are holding toward yourself or your partner.  Just for a moment. You may be left feeling lonely, sad or afraid. Let yourself have those feelings and put your hand over your heart and breath.  Be with yourself totally and say to yourself, “for today, I forgive myself for all past mistakes I’ve made and for not being able to overcome all of my difficulties in my relationship.” Make this day about seeking out one simple action that brings you a feeling of happiness and well-being, even if you are feeling sad and scared. Offer this same suggestion to your partner as an act of good faith, and in the name of keeping your humanity alive and well within your partnership. Don’t worry if they aren’t interested in taking what you have to offer, just know that you offered it.