Most parents begin worrying about their children from the time their little heartbeat steadies. This worrying does not diminish as time grows, but it spans a lifetime. One of the most turbulent stages for parents and children alike is adolescence. It is during adolescence that dormant hormones awaken and

teenagers take note of their bodies and those which belong to others. Teenagers wallow in newly acquired emotions, swirling possibilities, and thoughtless tactics—all of which horrify.

Certainly, parents are apprehensive because they too remember these same feelings, thoughts, and actions. So, why is it that many parents refuse to address such a pertinent time in their child’s life? Granted, conversations about boyfriends, girlfriends, and especially sex may be challenging and uncomfortable, but they are essential to the well-being of the child. Simply, telling a child that they are not allowed to date and that sex is frowned upon, will not instantly eradicate festering emotions and questions consuming their every thought—much more must be done.

Talking to children about relationships can aid in healthy development.  During adolescence, children typically encounter an identity dilemma. Identity formation will emerge through clothing choices, dialects, hobbies, friendship choices and much more. Due to massive amounts of uncertainty, senseless relationships may be formed and children will consider behaviors that are frowned upon. At this juncture, parental communication is vital. Parental communication must go beyond that of black and white television. No longer are the days that parents can assume children are not verbally and intimately involved with other children their age. Addressing such adult activities need to occur undeviating and straightforward. Yelling, screaming, and ranting will not work—children may be scared into temporary obedience but these actions cannot compete with this age related dilemma. Instead, parents should be a guiding force throughout adolescence. Children need to know which relationships are worthy of their time and commitment.

As an educator, I am surrounded by teenage relationship catastrophes. Many topics are surely inappropriate and teenagers are confiding in other teens about topics that should be discussed with parents. Furthermore, physical interactions supersede barriers that parents are expecting to remain in place at all times. Just the other morning, I came across one of my students kissing and groping his freshman girlfriend’s Dairy aire in the midst of hundreds of others. My initial instinct was to cause a scene and yell at the both of them.  My second thought—seemingly the best thought—was to immediately address him when he entered. Upon telling him that I better not see that again, he states, “but that’s my girlfriend.” My initial instinct arose yet again and I clearly informed this young man what type of message he sends to everyone in the halls and how she should be treated with dignity and esteem. This is a message that he should not have learned from his teacher and most significantly this young lady should have never allowed it. These two students are two of many.

Undoubtedly, teenagers have raging hormones that will beg for control on a daily basis, but through guidance they can make the right decisions. A parent’s job is not done when the child nears legal adulthood, but should continue throughout a stage that is considered more tempestuous than a midlife crises. If teenagers are equipped with the knowledge and know-how to select friendships that are complementary versus damaging, then there will be fewer broken hearts, identities and greater emotionally intelligent young people walking around. Who better to provide such tools than a parent?