Each year, I learn valuable lessons from my students. This particular lesson came in the form of a free write. There are no great restrictions for these types of assignments, so it is quite common to see an array of stories and random reflections. I was enjoying my reads until I came across something that gripped my heart. One of the young men decided that he would write about a conversation he had with his mom nearly a decade ago. According to his recollection, it began by his mother asking, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

This is quite a common question, so I was not yet alarmed. The conversation continued and he replied, “I would love to be a professional athlete.”

His mother smiled and responded, “I always wanted your brother to be a professional athlete.”

My reading was immediately halted because I knew what had just happened; after bracing myself for devastation I continued to read the words, “From that day forward, I gave up on my dream to be an athlete and hoped that I could find something to please her with.”My heart went out to him because he had been dealt a blow so massive that he could have decided to make no further plans for his future. This mother was absolutely correct in initiating a conversation about his future goals; however she unconsciously destroyed what he felt to be achievable. As parents, influential actions can be intentional or unintentional. These actions, responses, and behaviors that surround children possess the ability to uplift or destroy.

Setting goals with your child should not be as casual as the above situation; conversations pertaining to life goals need to be conducted in a mindful manner to ensure that they are not damaging to the child. Taking the time to plan for the future with your child will give you the opportunity to anticipate possible responses and approximate your responses beforehand. Choosing your words carefully are of the utmost importance because they have the capability to decrease motivation, stimulate action plans, or begin the thinking process about what is best for their future. Regardless of what adolescence attitudes may admit, parents are very powerful motivators and should never be guilty of dampening dreams.