This post first appeared on my regular blogging home, timandcait.blogspot.com, but in order to talk about my journey in a more selectively private space, I have moved this post here. 

From the very first days we started attending First Unitarian Society here in Madison, I thought that being a Unitarian-Universalist minister looked like a pretty sweet gig. Even for someone in a very confused space spiritually, as I was then (and to some extent still am, let’s be honest), it seemed like a perfect outlet for someone desperate to talk about and create a space for a more open spirituality and religion. You didn’t have to believe anything specific, you didn’t have try to teach others to believe anything specific, outside of the seven principles, which are not exactly difficult truth claims. Instead, the focus seemed to be on exploring together, counseling others on their terms and creating an open and welcoming space for people to gather as a community. “That’s the kind of life I want. That I’ve always wanted.” Obviously, I knew that there would be unpleasant parts, and even now I realize I am mostly unaware of how difficult those will be, but still, the feeling remained.

I immediately worked to push away this thought, mainly because it was probably around my third or fourth week at FUS, and also because I was, as I said, in an unsettled space spiritually. But I was never able to let the thought go. I first talked to one of our pastors after one of our new member classes, and I think she gave her standard response, neither enthusiastic nor discouraging. This was the same response I got from all three of our pastors when I first approached them, which either means this is their usual response to allow members to make their own decision, or they were just not enthusiastic. However, that first non-enthusiastic response put me off for a while, but I nevertheless began casually looking at different Master of Divinity programs (that is a pretty awesome name for anything, btw), especially the one at Starr King University, one of two official UU schools. I kept doing low level research until about a couple of months ago, when it suddenly just clicked, “this is what I want to do.” Winter was getting harsh, Cait was getting frustrated with her program and I had finally settled down spiritually. But most of all, the “sense of call” that all Divinity Seminaries seem to think quite important began to be a reality somewhere deep in my soul. The UU seminaries, especially, offer no real guidance as to where this “sense” is supposed to come from, but like they said I might, I felt and feel it as a reality nonetheless.

One of the key moments was, a month or so ago, when we heard that some good friends were moving to Austin, TX, we thought, “man, Austin sounds nice.” When I remembered that there was a good divinity seminary there, that was the final impetuous to get me fully looking at divinity schools. I’d been slowly working on the application to Starr King for a month or so, because they suggest using the personal essays and autobiographical statement to be a main tool in the “discernment period” which is the period between thinking about joining the ministry to actually committing to start the process to become a minister. But now I am fully engaged in the process.

I still have lots of doubts, but they are steadily decreasing. Yesterday, I had a long talk with my head minister, and that going well, I think, was the final push I needed. Last night I bought tickets to fly out to Austin for their “discovery weekend” to see the seminary and experience classes and see Austin. They are paying for half the plane ticket and all of the housing and breakfast and lunch, so it’s a low-cost option to really see what seminary is like. If that works well, I will be turning in my applications to a couple of different seminaries by the common deadline of March 1. All programs would take 2-3 years, with an additional year of internship at some UU congregation around the country.

Austin is my first option. It’s a liberal Presbyterian seminary, and hasn’t had a large number of UUs come through, but I’ve been in contact with a UU minister in Arizona who went there, and he had a great experience. They seem very willing to work with people of different faiths. The main draw of this school is how relatively inexpensive it is. The other main draw is how awesome Austin seems, basically a much warmer Madison (which we love, but, man, these winters). They have generous need based scholarships, subsidized housing, childcare assistance and a relatively low cost of living in Austin itself. We’ve shown a strong ability to live cheaply here in Madison, and I think, even if Cait wasn’t able to get a steady job, we could come out of Austin with minimal debt.

Starr King has always been an option. It seems to have a great atmosphere and a long history of producing successful UU ministers. They also have a great flexible distance learning program. They also have need based scholarships and some scholarships set aside for future UU ministers. If I were to get in and decide to enter this program, we would probably stay here in Madison for a year or two more while I did a distance program, and then move to Berkeley for a year to do some of their required on campus classes. There is also the option to do it almost all of my schoolwork in the distance program from Madison while Cait finishes school, and head out for a few intensive weeks, mostly in the summer months. The expense of living in Berkeley, or flying there and back a bunch of times makes this less of an attractive option, although we would still benefit from Cait’s stipend . I would also prefer living near the seminary I was studying at for the full 2-3 years to really get involved in the community, but the expense of living in Berkeley makes this financially difficult. If I were to get a good scholarship to here, though, this would be a really tempting option. Going to school at a UU dedicated seminary would have all sorts of benefits.

Other options I am considering include Seattle University’s School of Theology so we could hang out with Cait’s sister in the lovely Pacific NW (cost of living is still a big issue here), also Meadville Lombard, the other UU school in Chicago, where I would do a low-residency distance program similar to Berkeley (the main issue here is that I’m not a big fan of Chicago, or any big city really). I’m also looking at Duke and a few other schools, but these are less likely options.

I’m still not fully convinced that the ministry is the right fit for me, although I am becoming more and more convinced. However, even if the ministry doesn’t end up being my destination, I am quite convinced that a Master’s of Divinity will open a lot of good doors for me, without an undue amount of expense. I am still considering a Library Science degree, but in order to be a University level librarian, which I think would be my ultimate goal, a second master’s degree apart from Library Science is required, and being a librarian specializing in religious and spiritual works is really appealing to me. I know I’m taking a risk talking about these plans before they are firm, but I want our readers and loved ones to know about the direction we seem to be heading at the moment.

That being said, I am really excited about the possibility of becoming a Unitarian-Universalist Minister. I think it fits my personality, I think it fits my spirituality. I think it would be the rare gift of a career that fulfills and adds meaning to my life regularly rather than primarily just paying the bills. Without getting too deep into the past, leaving the LDS church has left a large whole in my life, both personally and spiritually. I know many people believe that whole would be best filled by returning to the LDS church, but that is not the right path for me. I have struggled for years now to find a space for me to practice and explore spirituality on my own terms. Unitarian Universalism was essential to helping me be able to do that in a constructive and healthy way, and I am excited about the possibility, as a minister, to help provide that space for others. If anyone is more interested in the actual process of becoming a minister, most of the information is available here, at the admittedly less-than-beautiful UUA website.

As a final note, I realize that this posts extends my terrible habit of making major announcements to many important people in my life on something as impersonal as blog. I apologize to anyone that might be hurt by this, but I’ve found the mix of support and critique that meaningful posts on this blog bring in to our inbox to be a really healthy balance between the positive and the negative, or at least as good as it is likely to get. Also, I hate awkward phone calls.