Sometimes in life you build something that you believe in, that you think is perfect and everything you could ever dream. Eventually, you may realize that what you built is all wrong. The foundation is bad, the structure is weak and dangerous and it’s not at all the shelter you wanted. For me in my life, Rome is burning to the ground. This life I have built so lovingly and carefully is an illusion.

I married a selfish, self-centered man who tore me down every day. With that kind of a crumbling foundation, our marriage has fallen apart. I spent the last six months doing everything I could to put out the flames and convince myself there was no fire. In the process I was almost consumed by the flames. Instead I allowed that fire to burn away the illusions, and the heat to heal my soul. I found courage in that cleansing fire to really evaluate my life, myself and the choices I made. I made a mistake, I see that now.

My mistake wasn’t marrying him or even being with him. It is so much deeper than that, so much harder to realize. My mistake was not staying true to myself. I gave up vital parts of myself in order to be with him. I ignored the signs that told me this was wrong And settled because I thought he was the best I could do. I thought I didn’t deserve anything more.

Now, I am left with the smoldering remains of a life that was all wrong for me. I am working hard to salvage what I can and learning all the things I did wrong. Soon the cleanup and rebuilding will begin. And I feel a little sadness as I look at the wreckage but also relief and anticipation of the future. The possibilities stretch before me and I know, for the first time in my life, exactly what I want. I have a plan to get it. I will find love again, a true love that gives me what I need. A love that nourishes instead of negates my skills. A love that lifts me up instead of tearing me apart each day.

My Rome is burning and that fierce, raging fire is exactly what I need.

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