Once Upon a Time

I've been working on the follow-up collection of short stories to carry on from Second Chance Hero, but I’ve decided to pull it.
I don’t know if it was the recent flurry of bad reviews, the message I received from a reader, or something completely different, but something sent my confidence into a tailspin until it face planted the tarmac. I’ve always found it easier to believe criticism, but there are two reviews I read on the morning of March 3rd that have stuck with me and I’ve taken them on as more than readers' opinions. I’ve tried to brush it off but I can’t. One review said Second Chance Hero was so bad it made the reader write their first everbad review. The other said the characters were one-dimensional, underdeveloped and the story was frustrating. Both elaborated further...That’s my worst nightmare as a writer come true. Then, whilst sitting on the train trying to rein in the feeling of dread that washed over me, my phone pinged with a Facebook message. ‘Hi, I just read your book…’ it said. ‘Great’, I thought and opened the message.Salt, meet wound. The reader said she had been cheated on in the past and found my story glorified affairs. She said I was young, immature and naive, and writing what I had written showed my lack of intelligence. That did it. I cried on the way to work, earning some weird looks from fellow commuters, and I haven’t written a word since.
That was the day I lost my mojo and I can’t find it. I struggle with confidence, who doesn't? Everyone wonders if they're good enough, and we all wait for the day we feel like we're not. I'm in a writing funk that has started branching out into other aspects of my life. Writing has always been a release. It helped with my break up, it helps me deal with being a single mother, and with everything else in my 'real life'. I find it difficult to talk about how I feel and often don't until I'm asked to. I've always written it instead.I have changed how, when and where I write to try and find that place to lose myself in, but I’m filled with anxiety the second my pen touches paper or my fingers hover over the keys. I can’t even write reviews.
So, for now, Secrets of A Seaside Town is on hold.I’m still working on my series. I don’t know what I’m going to do with it, but I’ll to stay up later and push myself further to make sure I get it right.
I never wanted to excuse being unfaithful. I wanted to bring up real issues and give them a twist. I wanted to draw attention to things, whether in a good or bad light. I wanted to allow readers to explore their imaginations. I just wanted to tell a story.
Published on March 24, 2014 14:11
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