There are days when I sit back in my chair to write or read and realize that what I think is just a few minutes of down time has turned into a couple of hours. Then the other day, I turned around to talk to my oldest daughter and she is almost at eye level with me when it seemed like she barely reached my shoulders just a few days before.
So much goes on in our lives everyday that it seems to be happening so much faster than I want it too. Last night, I was working on an assignment for my Master's class and it hit me that we are almost halfway through the 4th month of this year already and it blew my mind. I had such great plans that I wanted to do with my kids while it was still winter and now it's almost time to plant our garden. Plus, now they both have birthdays coming up soon and I will no longer be able to say I have two little girls because my oldest will hit double digits.
For their birthday, I write them a letter to keep in a scrapbook so when they turn 18 they will know what they were like when they were younger. I have been trying to write these now for a couple of weeks and every time I try I almost can't stand to even think about it. Am I excited for them to grow up and explore life to the fullest- absolutely. Does it make me just a little sad to see them doing that- of course but not too much. I used to feel bad about that too. I would hear so many friends being sad about their kids growing up and becoming adults and how they weren't sure what they are going to do when it happens that at every milestone they would break down into tears. I'm just not that mom.
I want my girls to live life the way they feel lead to do. I want them to be strong in who they are and not afraid to fail at something. I want them to be excited to go to college or tech school and find something they would love to do and then do it for as long as they are able. I want them to find love, have children (if they want too), and experience all that life has to offer. My hope is that they will come back to me someday and say,"Mom, thanks for always wanting something more for me," because if they have the desire and want to make their lives shine, then I feel that I can look back and say- I did my best for them- and I won't be sad about that.