In my entire life ,I never considered relationships as important. My chief preoccupation was with what I read, wrote or thought. When it came to relationships , I thought they were too demanding and exhausting and I was no good in relationships. I usually messed them up, screwed up others lives, but basically screwed myself up. For me relationships actually meant anguish, suffering, lots of hard work , struggle and pretense. So I tried to avoid them as much as possible, after all I was lousy ' relater'. But then I had to fix myself by learning some tips and tricks to survive. I read plenty of self-help stuff but it hardly worked. Not surprisingly so. It was this desire to fix myself and learn a couple of tips and tricks to be better at relationships that I enrolled for Landmark Relationship Seminar. And as a regular participant in Landmark program I had some idea that this precisely what this program wasn't about! In the fourth session of the Seminar I got to the source of all my misery, hard work , ineffectiveness, nautanki in relationships: I was living my life from what Landmark Relationship Seminar distinguishes as 'The Fundamental Myth of Being Related- The default context of all human relationship- the paradigm of relationships all of us are born into.'The default paradigm/context - the fundamental myth from where we live our relationships is ' WE, AS HUMANS, ARE NOT RELATED'. Hence our whole struggle, sincere hard work , all tips , strategies, all sorts of stuff we do ' in order to ' be related and protect /,survive relations are disempowering and very hard. I started looking at what all I am doing ' in order to' be related , survive , protect relationships. I take my wife for outings and shopping or movies ' in- order-to' avoid complaints about not being available or giving time. I uses to get up early to help Ashwini get Amogh ready to avoid her complaints about my involvement in Landmark. I bring Amogh toys or take him out to movies ' in order to' avoid his similar complaint. I even pretended to listen. I used to visit friends during festivities or such events ' in order to' maintain relationships. I pretend to be liberal and nice with students and don't hold them to account ' in order to' be popular or avoid they not giving attention. The impact of this was absolute hard work ,pretense and anguish. I had no choice or say in the matter. All of them were 'have to' activities. It was disempowering and exhausting. Plus it hardly worked. All ' in order to ' strategies were pretty ineffective. In the session 4 , there was another context, another paradigm, a liberating, effective, and powerful one created- not as THE Truth, not as a concept or 'good idea' or idealism, but a powerful place to come from, look at and deal with life and relationships. The invented context was ' WE ARE ALREADY PROFOUNDLY RELATED AS HUMAN BEINGS. When I tried it on as a place to come from and a place to stand-an amazing and inspiring world of being related opened up. All the struggle, sincere hard work, and insecurity of trying to create, maintain and protect vanished. I did not HAVE TO do all the things I was doing ' in order to'. I had a choice and say in the matter. I can say 'no' to all these ' in-order-to' activities without loss of power or peace to anyone. I can deal with people's upset from ' nothing wrong' . I create possibility of being straight and loving and empowering at the same time. I don't have to strain in order to be related and being with others as I only have to be present that I am already related and with other people. Obviously the distinction of already being related has nothing to with idealism of universal brotherhood or sisterhood. it is not a concept or an idea. it is a distinction . A distinction, as against a concept or an idea or definition, is what our technology- Landmark technology- is made of. One can use analogy of 'balance': there is a difference between balance as a concept or definition and balance as something to be 'got' so that you can ride a two wheeler. ' Understanding' balance as a concept doesn't help you to ride a two-wheeler. So if you 'get' the distinction ' we are already deeply and profoundly related' it can be extremely liberating and empowering as I experienced it. Now that I am gotten by this distinction, it is all matter of practicing it and mastering it: catching myself when I am coming from is ' I am not related' and doing ' in-order-to' and shifting it to I am already related. And whole new exciting view of the world of being related opens up for me.