There is a boutique hiding out between the fractured, narrow storefronts lining New Gotham’s foggy docks. The shingles are ribbed and black. Washed, peeling paint and displays offering views into wicked leather and lace studded glam. The mannequins are ghoulish beauties stitched together from whatever was left from the last fool to cross one of the sinister witches.

Welcome to Sinister Stitches
“…apparel for a wicked fairy tale.”

 

A spicy trinity of black magic sisters breathe star-dusted dreams to life with their gothic apparel boutique. They are schooled in the old ways of “fabric-bending” by the Needlewitches of old. With this knowledge, they’ve created an entire line of clothing that all share the same basic design element: one-size fits all. Each garment will magically tailor itself to its wearer once worn. Last time the Witches-Who-Stitch, hosted a literary catwalk, heroines were called from all walks of life and genres to challenge their seamstress skills. This time, their men have joined the fun—apparently, they’ve been sent to the boutique. (Whether they like it, or not.)

 

The witches were NOT expecting men. Their expertise is usually limited to DEMANDING their husbands NOT wear that in public, and, of course, the fashioning of fantastic clothing for all of literature’s heroines. (New Gotham’s men usually get their goods from Rumpel’s Twisted Threads, BUT that’s beyond the point, the girls put a quill to their interview, changed some bits, and rose to the occasion.)

 

To enjoy the hilarity, please check out some of the questionnaire Sophie Avett’s Nick from Iron Will (New Gotham Fairy Tale) lifted from Brenda’s hand with a smile after he swaggered into Sinister Stitches. [READER WARNING: EXPLICIT LAUNGUAGE, ADULT THEMES, VERY FUNNY. BEWARE.]

 

THE WITCHES WHO STITCH QUESTIONNAIRE

 

Please provide the witches with your name: Nick Grimm

 

Please provide the witches with the following:

 

Hair Color: Blond
Hair Length: [ ] Short and Sharp, [X] Shaggy and Sexy, [ ] Lush and Long
Eye Color:  Brown (People tell me they go silver sometimes—fuck, if I know or care.)

 

Skin Tone: [ ] Ghoulish, [ ] Snow White, [ ] Cina-baby, [ ] Mochalicious, [ ] Dark Chocolate, [X] Other: Wow, ya’ll need to get your shit together. I’m on question five, and I’m already having a hard time taking this bullshit seriously, but since you asked, I’m a Vanilla Oreo. Or white chocolate. I prefer Oreo, though. Times are hard for a cookie out here.

 

Please provide the witches with your measurements and body-type.

 

a.) Height: 6ft (Most of that is dick by the way…)

 

b.) Body Type: [ ] Skeletal, [ ] Lean and Tender, [X] Lean and Tough, [ ] Ripe and Edible

 

Okay, but my ass is definitely “ripe and edible.” People come from all over the world just to tell me about it. Juicy, really. Can I get that put somewhere—you know, like across my ass? Advertising, that’s what we need here. (You didn’t think I was gonna leave that alone did you…? Come on now, I got all day to come up with clever shit.)

 

Do you have any extra extremities? Place an “X” to all that apply.

 

[ ] Horns or [ ] Halo
[ ] 20 ft. of Hair or More

[ ] Gills and Fins or [ ] Hooves

[ ] Wings (Span:   )
[ ] Tail (How many:  )

 

[x] SERIOUS Low Hangers – No, really, I dragged these bitches here.

 

How many heads do you have? (Your boy bit doesn’t count!)

 

One. And witches, don’t play. You know my legs are only kickstands for ten inches of misery.

 

Do you have arms and legs? If so, how many?

 

Deuces of each – but my cock, though. HUGE. MONSTEROUS. RAWWRRR.

 

How dead are you? [X] Living, [ ] Undead, [ ] Astral Form

 

Not before noon. Before noon, I’ll fucking cut you with this Poptart. Real shit.

 

What are you? (Species/Breed)

 

Malametal telekinetic – Basically, I can turn your car into an ice try with my brain. I know, Magneto jocked my shit.

 

What is the occasion? (Ideas include: Wedding, Funeral, Sabbath, etc. Oh, and seduction is a valid occasion. The more details, the better.)

 

Court Date. Keep it simple. Don’t turn my ass into Willy Wonka or Michael Jackson. Don’t give them an excuse to lock my ass back up. They’ll do it. You know they will…

 

What’s the occasion setting? (Beach, haunted castle, grand ball, etc.)

 

New Gotham City Hall

 

Will you be fighting for your life at some point in the evening? 

 

I run my fuckin’ mouth if you haven’t noticed. AND I live here. So, yeah. Probably.

 

But you gotta touch this, first. (Na-na-na!)

 

Will you be set on fire? Better yet, will you be setting other people on fire?

 

Bitch, I am on fire.

 

Will you be grave-robbing? (Dirt is a tailor’s tedium.)

 

No. As a matter of fact, I don’t even like where your melon’s at. Get your mind right, baby girl. I’m a Grimm. According to tradition, it’s my job to make sure fools don’t disturb New Gotham’s truly dead. Otherwise, I’m building coffins, or drinking myself into a fucking grave.

 

Yeah, that sounds about right.  

 

What are you wearing right now? Who picked that outfit out? (Basically, who let you leave the crypt in those?)

 

Listen here, you’re lucky I’m not naked. Women have been known to lather themselves in chocolate and throw themselves at my feet at the very sight of all this fucking sexy. But I knew I was coming here, so I threw on this white tank top, and sagged my jeans just right for you. That’s right, bitches, I care. Really.

 

Do you hope to be naked at some point in the evening? (All right, dirty birds. Such questions are actually intended toward the weres and shifters in regards to their transformations.)

 

Shit, I’m flexible. We can start the night that way, too. Bring that ass over here…

 

Describe your last brush with Death in two sentences. (Helps us plan for the unexpected.)

 

My girl. Is psychotic.

 

Do you need a secret compartment for gigantic swords? Guns and condoms? Eyeliner, maybe?

 

Don’t need guns, babygirl. Just bullets.

 

What are your three favorite colors?

 

Don’t care.

 

What two colors ninja your brain, sweetie?

 

Don’t care. Just don’t let no one think I got my ass kicked by an Easter basket.

 

Please pick a style that you feel embodies you the best. If none apply, feel free to surprise us by providing your own brilliant description in the “other” slot.

 

[ ] Dark Angel: This is for the spoonfuls of charming. The good-natured and naughty boys next door types. Thoughtful and sensual. Loyal and intelligent. More often than not, his head is in the clouds, but those dreams and that smile holds hope for all of us. Our philosophers.

 

[ ] Beast King: This is for the warlords and alphas. The type of men who walk into a room and their presence hushes out the sun. They live in their bodies, but their minds are searching for the next challenge. Hands for fighting and these boots for ass-kickings. Our protectors.

 

[ ] Smooth Criminal: This is for the bad boys. You know, the types—mother’s worse nightmares. The kind of man that makes your skin itch every time he devours you with that hundred yard stare. Chances are his senses of humor is as wicked as his tongue. To hold him, isn’t to catch him. Our scheming rogues.

 

[ ] Black Knight: This for the mysteries. The ones no one can quite make heads or tails out off. He’s a mixture, a melting pot of strong, sinister, and sweet. He might be Dark Angel one day, and a Smooth Criminal other days. Our brothers.

 

[X] Other: Spongebob: Yeah, bitches, I’m keepin’ it real over here. Don’t tie my shoelaces, live in a Pineapple under the sea—and this fool was born ready. Sandy Cheeks, holla back.

 

Who is your favorite comic/storybook villain?

 

Soraya, my ex-girl. Real shit, everything that comes out of her mouth pisses me off.

 

If you could be any comic/storybook book hero, who would it be?

 

Batman.

 

Just the cape alone…

 

You know what? I need a cape like that. Someone get me a goddamn cape.  

 

Now, tell us who you love the most.

 

Soraya, my ex-girl. Trust I know I’m pathetic—leave the topic alone. Seriously.

 

Anything else you’d like to add…

 

I know, right. Legends shouldn’t be this dope. I can take it any way you dish it out. I can ride that ass six feet under, or make that pussy shake from my knees. Ya’ll don’t know what the fuck to do with me, do you?

 

Ha, neither does she…

 

After many barrels of chocolate, a dash of magic, and furious sewing…
Sinister Stitches’ Leather Queen
Brenda Dweyer presents Nick’s
Completed Threads
“Bad to the Bone”

 

Next to a gleaming, gold antique resister, Brenda the She-Wolf is posted on the counter in a snake-skin cat-suit and a pair of vicious fuck-me red pumps. Eyes shielded behind a pair of Black Pearl Aviator shades, and waves of curls pulled up and tight on top of her head in a slick and shiny ponytail. Shiny, wet and skin-tight. To look at her hurts. To touch her hurts even more. When the gentleman standing in the middle of her mother’s gothic boutique brushes his eyes up and down Wonder Woman’s body, she answers with a sharp crescent of teeth bowing in sultry smile:
Fool, WHAT are you doing here? You know better. All these other fools don’t know their ass from their elbow, but you KNOW you stepped to the wrong stoop. What? What do you mean Twisted Threads is closed? Blood on a fucking moon, does that asshole ever actually work? My god, I can’t deal—you know what, I really, really don’t have time for this. You’re like the fourth jackass to come in here demanding a suit from DRESSmakers. But fine, whatever—it ain’t my store. It’s momma’s store. And you know, she is not about turning away good money. So, pay attention, problem child.
All right, we’ve kept things simple as per your request. The British classic jacket is tailored, so it will fit just right. We did away with buttons. You’re not the “proper” type and there’s no reason to make my work sloppy by expecting you to button your fucking jacket. In terms of pattern, we choose a Norfolk tweed. Think, Sherlock Holmes. Expect notched lapels. We were going to fashion slacks for you, but Gillian insisted that you’re more Tom Sawyer than that. So, we’ve done a canvas, polyester mix. They are definitely tight fitting. We wanna make sure everyone has a chance to witness the pimple on your thigh themselves. 
And I know you don’t need guns, idiot. We grew up together. And by the way, you know better than to ponder my ass or the likelihood that it would ever be in your lap. We grew up together. And goddamn it, Nick, what did you do this time? My god, did you ever actually grow up at all? Ah, ah—don’t answer that. I’m done with your suit and I don’t have time for crazy.
Your pockets have been outfitted with Void fabric. You can fill your pockets with hollow points and none will be the wiser. The shirt is double-collared and long sleeved, and we’ve paired the outfit with these simple black boots from Labyrinth Leather. And frankly, you are so lucky Astrid isn’t here, or your hair would be gone. Like gone. She can’t take the shaggy and sexy types. Can’t take the mouthy ones either. So why don’t you take your new clothes, Spongebob, and get to steppin’. Oh, stop. Stop it. No kisses. No kisses. Yo, seriously, Sandy Cheeks is about to lay your ass out—what? What are you trying to give me? What is this?
Before Brenda can do or say anything else, Nick Grimm is gone. Store door banging shut after him. The she-wolf frowns at the wad in her hand: A dollar bill?

 

Damn you, Nick. Like really. Just…damn you.

 

 

IMPORTANT BULLETINS from THE PIXIES:

For more information about Sophie Avett’s New Gotham Fairy Tales, the Sinister Stitches series, and recent releases, please check out her website. If you’re interested in signing up for Sophie Avett’s mailing list to receive a release notification for Iron Will, please use the form here.

Care to check out the last round of Sinister Stitches interviews? Check out Sophie Avett and Jennifer Blackstream’s paranormal den, the Brimstone Pub. All SS interviews are retired there after their tour until the release of the SS e-book.
Fancy a tour of New Gotham? Check out New Gotham’s Survival Guide! It might save your life! (Link: http://sophieavett.weebly.com/new-gotham-bonus-content.html) 
Image Credit(s): handmademedia

Boner Photo Credit(s): Julia Austen

 

Image Editing Credit(s): Elaina, For the Muse Design

 

Cry Wolf


A New Gotham Fairy Tale


Sophie Avett


 


Genre: Dark Fantasy Romance (MM/New Adult)


 


Publisher: Skeleton Key Publishing


Date of Publication:  May 1, 2014


 


Number of pages: est. 22 pages


Word Count:  est. 10, 000


 


Cover Artist: Elaina, For the Muse Design


 


Amazon   BN   ARe    Kobo    Smashwords


 


Book Description:


 


There’s a wild animal on the loose in the black forests surrounding New Gotham…


 


Not that anyone cares.


 


Well, Peter doesn’t care.


 


Peter Ume is more interested in finding a way to alleviate the skull-numbing boredom of a city wide shut down. So far his ideas for excitement hover between stealing an unwary idiot’s underwear (soul works, too), setting someone’s eyebrows on fire, or stabbing the next person he meets in the eye with a hot French fry.


 


It turns out, he’ll be able to save assault and theft for a rainy day. As luck would have it, this naughty kitsune is about to meet the big bad wolf.


 


And man, is the wolf in for a surprise…


 


Warning: This story can be read as a standalone, but you will want to smack Sophie for it. (Or so the ravens have said.) So, do keep in mind that there is a part two. (And it will be a freebie. Sophie’s Pixies will carrier pigeon everyone more information soon.)

 

 


About the Author:


 


Sophie Avett is kind of a nerd. Like not even one of the cute, hip ones everyone brags about nowadays. More like the socially awkward hippie who eats way too much bread and dreams about being a dragon from behind towers of mythology books. Um…yeah. Picture old, tattered paperbacks and comic books–mostly Batman and Wonder Woman–dwarfing a tiny desk, with just barely enough room for the troll who writes there and the 70 pound hell-hound that insists on laying it’s wet nose on top of her bare foot.


 


Granted not the most exciting existence, but she tries to make up for it by writing romances populated with her own peculiar ilk of paranormal beasties.  Trolls, wyverns, the obscure Nordic brownie–she likes to keep things interesting. And bloody. (And mostly naked–but, we’ll keep that bit between us.)



Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SophieAvett


Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7779293.Sophie_Avett


Sinister Stitches Boutique Blog: http://thebrimstonepub.com/


Newsletter Post-Its, the Blog: http://sophieavett.weebly.com/post-its-the-blog.html


Brimstone Pub, the Blog: http://thebrimstonepub.com/