Today's Edition
Greetings, citizen, and welcome to Today's Edition, the Bunker's most trustworthy source of news and current events!
Why Today's Edition, you ask? The latest and greatest innovation from information managers over at Human Resources, Today's Edition is a popular and trendy weekly eZine that is automatically delivered to your PA even as it sits idly in your pocket. Reading Today's Edition is safe and fun, not to mention entirely free! That's right, ladies and gentlemen, you won't spend a credit on this new and exciting service no matter how often you use it.
What did you say? You get all the information you need from the Loyalty Stretch on the tube? We couldn't agree more! Unfortunately, as a trustworthy citizen of the Bunker, you are constantly on the go. Whether it's running breathlessly to your community dining hall for breakfast or sweating through a mountain of paperwork that needs to be stamped and filed before your supervisor returns, your time is extremely valuable.
So many important events can happen in any twenty-four hourstretch cycle. How could you possibly keep track of the most important?
Today's Edition is the simple yet elegant solution to that small but pressing inconvenience! Never again will you forget about that spontaneous Caring Demonstration being held just up the corridor from your barracks or the fact that the terrorism alert level was lowered to Inevitable. We at Today's Edition will decide which are the most important among last weekstretch's many happenings and deliver them to you in a single, easy-to-read digest.
You have opted in to participate automatically. In the event that you wish to remove yourself from this exciting, loyal and entirely mandatory activity, you may do so by tapping here. Please let us know the reason for your intransigence and whether you would like to be picked up by Homeland Security at their convenience or turn yourself in at your local substation.
Here at Human Resources, we understand that there is absolutely nothing we could possibly do to improve your life in any meaningful way. The Bunker is a utopia, and as such life here is perfectly organized. Everyone is happy, and the boys over at Control ensure that our environmental footprint is nil. Reading Today's Edition should therefore be viewed as a courtesy which can be withdrawn at any time.
We appreciate the time you have taken to browse this brief introduction to Today's Edition. Please do not mind the feeling of paralysis that is currently running through your hands and into your arms. It will subside as soon as the collage of interesting and informative images provided by our sponsors has been beamed to your pupils. Rest assured that this process is entirely safe and pleasurable. Rumors that there are side effects such as dizziness, shivering, sweating, vomiting, difficulty with swallowing, puffiness or swelling of the eyelids, loss of bladder control, or unusual bleeding or bruising are the result of terrorist activity and should not be repeated.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Finally, we would like to leave you with our witty and entirely inoffensive tagline, Today is the same as any other! Isn't it entirely appropriate and fantastic?
Greetings, and until next weekstretch, citizen!
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Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
Why Today's Edition, you ask? The latest and greatest innovation from information managers over at Human Resources, Today's Edition is a popular and trendy weekly eZine that is automatically delivered to your PA even as it sits idly in your pocket. Reading Today's Edition is safe and fun, not to mention entirely free! That's right, ladies and gentlemen, you won't spend a credit on this new and exciting service no matter how often you use it.
What did you say? You get all the information you need from the Loyalty Stretch on the tube? We couldn't agree more! Unfortunately, as a trustworthy citizen of the Bunker, you are constantly on the go. Whether it's running breathlessly to your community dining hall for breakfast or sweating through a mountain of paperwork that needs to be stamped and filed before your supervisor returns, your time is extremely valuable.
So many important events can happen in any twenty-four hourstretch cycle. How could you possibly keep track of the most important?
Today's Edition is the simple yet elegant solution to that small but pressing inconvenience! Never again will you forget about that spontaneous Caring Demonstration being held just up the corridor from your barracks or the fact that the terrorism alert level was lowered to Inevitable. We at Today's Edition will decide which are the most important among last weekstretch's many happenings and deliver them to you in a single, easy-to-read digest.
You have opted in to participate automatically. In the event that you wish to remove yourself from this exciting, loyal and entirely mandatory activity, you may do so by tapping here. Please let us know the reason for your intransigence and whether you would like to be picked up by Homeland Security at their convenience or turn yourself in at your local substation.
Here at Human Resources, we understand that there is absolutely nothing we could possibly do to improve your life in any meaningful way. The Bunker is a utopia, and as such life here is perfectly organized. Everyone is happy, and the boys over at Control ensure that our environmental footprint is nil. Reading Today's Edition should therefore be viewed as a courtesy which can be withdrawn at any time.
We appreciate the time you have taken to browse this brief introduction to Today's Edition. Please do not mind the feeling of paralysis that is currently running through your hands and into your arms. It will subside as soon as the collage of interesting and informative images provided by our sponsors has been beamed to your pupils. Rest assured that this process is entirely safe and pleasurable. Rumors that there are side effects such as dizziness, shivering, sweating, vomiting, difficulty with swallowing, puffiness or swelling of the eyelids, loss of bladder control, or unusual bleeding or bruising are the result of terrorist activity and should not be repeated.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Finally, we would like to leave you with our witty and entirely inoffensive tagline, Today is the same as any other! Isn't it entirely appropriate and fantastic?
Greetings, and until next weekstretch, citizen!
---------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
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