“Pose in this gravel parking lot.”

“Here?”

“Yeah, by the puddle.”

“I think there’s a used condom in here, and little Felicity is about to–”

“Perfect! Smile! Hold it. Hold it!”

“Goddamnit Sarah, hold the kid before she grabs the condom.”

“That kid is BITING MY FUCKING EAR.”

“Work through the pain.”

“But–”

“PERFECT. HOLD IT. HOLD IT.”

“Why the fuck does SHE get gloves?”

“Listen, I’m just doing this for my son’s portfo–”

“Sure, sure.” *whispers* “Do you think we could get the kid out of the photo and just use this guy?”

“Excuse me? I’m not that comfortable in front of the–”

“Perfect. Hold it! Hold it!” *whispers* “Get as many shots as you can.”

“I’ve really got to go now. So–”

“Sir, listen. We’d really like to use your image. Otherwise we’ll have to use the jokes the casting agency sent. They don’t have those rugged calloused hands like you. Or those shoulders. Or–”

“This is making me really uncomfortable. And little Finnigan has to use the bathroom.”

“Please, sir. you haven’t seen these guys. Please?”

“Finnigan’s dad is suing us for sexual harassment, so the company has to use the other models.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah.”