Today's Edition
Greetings, citizen, and welcome to Today's Edition, the Bunker's most trustworthy source of news and current events!
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
Riots broke out in R-7 sector during a surprise appearance by celebrity manager and Beta-clearance citizen Milfred Roth at the Restless Yew, where he was signing autographs and yelling at people. The Restless Yew is a dining facility catering to shoppers in an exclusive commercial district restricted to those with a security clearance. Although he has served in many senior positions and can sit through a whole daystretch of meetings with flair and bravado, Milfred Roth is best known for his smashing work on the Board of Directors of Dagon Textiles, Ltd., where he famously sacked an entire production unit including its cybots. Milfred Roth certainly needs no introduction to anyone of Epsilon clearance or higher. Still, boundless enthusiasm for any visiting celebrity – even the Bunker's seminal executive talent – is no reason for unruly and destructive behavior. In the ensuing chaos, the Restless Yew and several of the surrounding boutiques were destroyed beyond repair. The instigators have been identified from the surveillance and arrested. Doubtless, their sinister motives will soon be uncovered.
In other news, Alpha-clearance citizen Madhukar Gobsha died peacefully at his home in F-1 sector. According to the autopsy report, he fell down a flight of stairs. Twice. Only fifty-one yearstretches old, citizen Madhukar started as a pathfinder in the Procurement conglomerate. He didn't spend very long out on the surface of the planet scouring for ores, however. Known for a fierce dedication to his work combined with a sharp intellect and unwavering loyalty, he quickly rose up the ranks. Eventually, he was promoted to Alpha clearance and made head of External Operations, the pinnacle of his career. The head of External Operations is responsible for the steady supply of resources streaming in to the Bunker from the asteroid belt. It is also one of the most vitally important positions in the Procurement conglomerate, as most of the Bunker's supply of water is obtained off-world. We will surely miss him. Citizens interested in paying their respects to citizen Madhukar Gobsha may do so in the Sarah Palin Plaza in F-6 sector, where they will find a delightful collage of revealing snaps of this famous citizen surrounding a large, detailed portrait.
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, What Would Carlton Smickett Say? It is not only appropriate but also deeply rewarding to occasionally consider how lucky we are as inhabitants of the Bunker. The quality of life here is unprecedented. Each one of us knows that he lives in a utopia, but how often do we take the time to ponder the implications? Is the basis of our happiness merely an abundance of food, work, and security? Surely, it must add up to more than those material things. What about the unique togetherness, our special camaraderie? What of joyful evenings spent in the company of our bunkmates, eating NiceCream and watching Bloodbrawl on the tube? What of Miss Bits and the other tireless cybots that assist us daily without preference or complaint? These intangibles are inherent to our utopia and give it breath. Today, let us pause and be thankful for Control's tireless efforts, which make this all possible. It behooves us not only as human beings, but also as good citizens. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
And now for some public service announcements.
Central Management has recently determined that the optimal length of a queue is exactly twenty-five persons. Citizens are therefore advised to join any inadequate queue they happen upon and refrain from waiting in any queue that has already grown to the optimal, patriotic size. In the coming weekstretch, Thought Leaders will be spreading out in the Bunker's corridors to organize spontaneous practice sessions. Why not show them and your neighbors you know the patriotic length of a queue, too? Also, the tours of the foot pits conducted last weekstretch in U-12 sector were a huge success. However, a few errant citizens associated with the Underground insist upon spreading vicious rumors about what they might have seen there. These traitors would have us believe that actual human bodies are being fed into the pits as a source of protein. Some even claim that yesterday's breakfast consisted partly of citizen Madhukar Gobsha himself. Nothing could be further from the truth. Citizen Madhukar's body was horribly mangled and disfigured and so could not possibly have been recognized by anyone. So much for the reliability of these degenerate misfits.
The Color of the Patriot is limelight.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
Riots broke out in R-7 sector during a surprise appearance by celebrity manager and Beta-clearance citizen Milfred Roth at the Restless Yew, where he was signing autographs and yelling at people. The Restless Yew is a dining facility catering to shoppers in an exclusive commercial district restricted to those with a security clearance. Although he has served in many senior positions and can sit through a whole daystretch of meetings with flair and bravado, Milfred Roth is best known for his smashing work on the Board of Directors of Dagon Textiles, Ltd., where he famously sacked an entire production unit including its cybots. Milfred Roth certainly needs no introduction to anyone of Epsilon clearance or higher. Still, boundless enthusiasm for any visiting celebrity – even the Bunker's seminal executive talent – is no reason for unruly and destructive behavior. In the ensuing chaos, the Restless Yew and several of the surrounding boutiques were destroyed beyond repair. The instigators have been identified from the surveillance and arrested. Doubtless, their sinister motives will soon be uncovered.
In other news, Alpha-clearance citizen Madhukar Gobsha died peacefully at his home in F-1 sector. According to the autopsy report, he fell down a flight of stairs. Twice. Only fifty-one yearstretches old, citizen Madhukar started as a pathfinder in the Procurement conglomerate. He didn't spend very long out on the surface of the planet scouring for ores, however. Known for a fierce dedication to his work combined with a sharp intellect and unwavering loyalty, he quickly rose up the ranks. Eventually, he was promoted to Alpha clearance and made head of External Operations, the pinnacle of his career. The head of External Operations is responsible for the steady supply of resources streaming in to the Bunker from the asteroid belt. It is also one of the most vitally important positions in the Procurement conglomerate, as most of the Bunker's supply of water is obtained off-world. We will surely miss him. Citizens interested in paying their respects to citizen Madhukar Gobsha may do so in the Sarah Palin Plaza in F-6 sector, where they will find a delightful collage of revealing snaps of this famous citizen surrounding a large, detailed portrait.
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, What Would Carlton Smickett Say? It is not only appropriate but also deeply rewarding to occasionally consider how lucky we are as inhabitants of the Bunker. The quality of life here is unprecedented. Each one of us knows that he lives in a utopia, but how often do we take the time to ponder the implications? Is the basis of our happiness merely an abundance of food, work, and security? Surely, it must add up to more than those material things. What about the unique togetherness, our special camaraderie? What of joyful evenings spent in the company of our bunkmates, eating NiceCream and watching Bloodbrawl on the tube? What of Miss Bits and the other tireless cybots that assist us daily without preference or complaint? These intangibles are inherent to our utopia and give it breath. Today, let us pause and be thankful for Control's tireless efforts, which make this all possible. It behooves us not only as human beings, but also as good citizens. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
And now for some public service announcements.
Central Management has recently determined that the optimal length of a queue is exactly twenty-five persons. Citizens are therefore advised to join any inadequate queue they happen upon and refrain from waiting in any queue that has already grown to the optimal, patriotic size. In the coming weekstretch, Thought Leaders will be spreading out in the Bunker's corridors to organize spontaneous practice sessions. Why not show them and your neighbors you know the patriotic length of a queue, too? Also, the tours of the foot pits conducted last weekstretch in U-12 sector were a huge success. However, a few errant citizens associated with the Underground insist upon spreading vicious rumors about what they might have seen there. These traitors would have us believe that actual human bodies are being fed into the pits as a source of protein. Some even claim that yesterday's breakfast consisted partly of citizen Madhukar Gobsha himself. Nothing could be further from the truth. Citizen Madhukar's body was horribly mangled and disfigured and so could not possibly have been recognized by anyone. So much for the reliability of these degenerate misfits.
The Color of the Patriot is limelight.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
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