It’s been a little while since you had your baby and things have finally started to settle down. You’ve managed to get into a sort-of routine, you’re starting to feel almost normal and your little one excelled at their last check-up.
Now it’s time for another important health check: how’s your bond with your partner going?

 

Relationship Adjustments after Baby are Normal!

This may surprise you, but according to researchers, 92% of couples report increased conflict and disagreement in their baby’s first year. Or maybe you’re relieved, feeling normal and not alone! Either way, if this resonates: you’re losing sight of your partner, you don’t feel as close, you find yourself feeling irritated or resentful towards them or if they’ve started shutting down or shutting you out, don’t panic! It’s common for couples to take some time to adjust to all the changes and find their way through those first months of parenthood – and back to their partner in the midst of all the chaos.

So when you can peer over that mountainous washing pile, you might want to take a good look at them. A bit crusty around the edges? Naturally you’ve been preoccupied with nurturing your baby, but your partner might just be missing you. Dads and partners can be excluded and sometimes feel distanced through pregnancy, birth and early parenting. Chances are, when you have time to think about it, you may have been missing them too.

You Can Bond as a Whole Family

So turn it around and bond with your partner again at the same time you bond with your baby. One way is through eye contact. When was the last time you held your lover’s gaze? Another way of bonding is becoming familiar with baby’s signs for attention. What was the last signal your partner sent out? Cuddling makes babies feel loved. How long has it been since you really held hubby? And how did it feel to have your partner’s arms around you?

To make that first step back to them, at a quiet time initiate an open conversation. Acknowledge how things have been for you, and ask how they’re doing. From there, make it a daily priority to spend time just relaxing and catching up. You’re both going through changes and adjustments, most of them occurring on the inside. Let your partner in and let them know you care. The rewards will pay off for years to come.

It’s The Little Things that Count

Easy to forget in the blur of sleep deprivation and day to day distractions but remembering to say “please” and “thankyou” encourages team work. Apologising to each other if you say something hurtful mends harm. Greeting each other warmly morning and night lovingly bookends each day. Text or email fond thoughts in between. Share a laugh or take a walk together – they are great antidotes for stress and depression!

Use endearments like “honey” or “darling” and share affection when you can to celebrate your relationship. After all, that’s what lead to you having your gorgeous baby in the first place!

Four things to keep in mind:

New disagreements are a natural part of parenthood; they are not your partner’s fault or the sign of a failing relationship.


You took this journey together so include your partner every step of the way!


You were friends and lovers before you became parents. Be these still.


The very best gift you can give your baby is a warm and loving family.

For communication skills help click here.