Today's Edition
Greetings, citizen, and welcome to Today's Edition, the Bunker's most trustworthy source of news and current events!
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
Recently, the leaders of the Bunker's chief conglomerates – Control, Human Resources, Defense, Procurement, Developmental Engineering, Housing and Construction, Production and Logistics, Homeland Security, and Central Management – as well as representatives from the military and the major trade and recreational associations gathered at the palatial James Henry Hammond Complex in W-1 sector to discuss the state of the economy. Held at irregular intervals under the tightest of security, this top-secret gathering of Alphas from every corner of the economy is responsible for assessing progress in the context of Control's general guidelines and deciding on concrete steps for the next stage of development. A communiqué issued by the group shortly after its conclusion states that the threats facing our paternalistic utopia have never before been greater. Even more terrorism is expected in the coming weekstretches. Citizens are expected to be vigilant. A full summary of their findings has been placed on X.net.
And now a word from our sponsors.
Gain body mass quickly and easily with Yoburt! Are you an exercise buff? Do you love to sweat under the strain of the weights in your local sports center? Vitamim is delicious and nutritious, but if you want to bulge through your jumpsuit and impress the ladies, you'll need a dietary supplement. And there's nothing better than Yoburt! Check out our customer testimonials on X.net! Or simply respond to one of our helpful infomercials. Yoburt. “Not likely to cause abdominal tears or rectal bleeding like the next leading brand.”
In other news, a fire is currently sweeping through a warehouse in an industrial district in V-10 sector. The cause has not yet been identified, but firefighters from Defense now have the flames and air quality under control. The warehouse – owned and operated by P&L – is known to contain harmless asbestos fibers as well as stockpiles of friendly bromine monochloride, hydrogen sulfide, and sulfur tetraflouride. Although the occasional violent explosion can be observed from the safety of the corridor, the only hazard to ordinary citizens going about their business is the jolt caused by the sudden noise. Traffic through V-10 sector, although slightly impeded, is proceeding smoothly.
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, What Would Carlton Smickett Say? Control is the ultimate source of wisdom in the Bunker. Some citizens, however, defer to the nefarious God and Freedom Church. Although its adherents profess to hate terrorists with a zeal rivaling that of genuinely loyal citizens, this God character of theirs is not to be trusted. Known on Earth for the ruthless fanaticism of its devotees, God was powerless to prevent the inevitable apocalypse that unfolded there. The God and Freedom Church is clearly part of the Underground, and as such it is illegal. Its members are traitors and will be treated accordingly. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
And now a word from our sponsors.
The Cory James School of Management is the Bunker's leading provider of executive development schooling. Our professors have hands-on experience in corporate takeovers, leverage through debt, creating investor value, and other trendy management tricks. Follow useful courses such as Watch What You Put In That Email and Boardroom Dilemma. Recommended by such well-known stars as citizen Milfred Roth! The Cory James School of Management. “It's not dishonesty; it's marketing.”
And now for some public service announcements.
The color of the water in the community dining halls throughout V-9, -10, and -11 sectors may appear unusual today. Experts from Housing and Construction have assured us, however, that the slight green or dark purple tinge is harmless and fun! There is nothing to be concerned about. Drink up, citizens!
The Color of the Patriot is slate.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
Recently, the leaders of the Bunker's chief conglomerates – Control, Human Resources, Defense, Procurement, Developmental Engineering, Housing and Construction, Production and Logistics, Homeland Security, and Central Management – as well as representatives from the military and the major trade and recreational associations gathered at the palatial James Henry Hammond Complex in W-1 sector to discuss the state of the economy. Held at irregular intervals under the tightest of security, this top-secret gathering of Alphas from every corner of the economy is responsible for assessing progress in the context of Control's general guidelines and deciding on concrete steps for the next stage of development. A communiqué issued by the group shortly after its conclusion states that the threats facing our paternalistic utopia have never before been greater. Even more terrorism is expected in the coming weekstretches. Citizens are expected to be vigilant. A full summary of their findings has been placed on X.net.
And now a word from our sponsors.
Gain body mass quickly and easily with Yoburt! Are you an exercise buff? Do you love to sweat under the strain of the weights in your local sports center? Vitamim is delicious and nutritious, but if you want to bulge through your jumpsuit and impress the ladies, you'll need a dietary supplement. And there's nothing better than Yoburt! Check out our customer testimonials on X.net! Or simply respond to one of our helpful infomercials. Yoburt. “Not likely to cause abdominal tears or rectal bleeding like the next leading brand.”
In other news, a fire is currently sweeping through a warehouse in an industrial district in V-10 sector. The cause has not yet been identified, but firefighters from Defense now have the flames and air quality under control. The warehouse – owned and operated by P&L – is known to contain harmless asbestos fibers as well as stockpiles of friendly bromine monochloride, hydrogen sulfide, and sulfur tetraflouride. Although the occasional violent explosion can be observed from the safety of the corridor, the only hazard to ordinary citizens going about their business is the jolt caused by the sudden noise. Traffic through V-10 sector, although slightly impeded, is proceeding smoothly.
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, What Would Carlton Smickett Say? Control is the ultimate source of wisdom in the Bunker. Some citizens, however, defer to the nefarious God and Freedom Church. Although its adherents profess to hate terrorists with a zeal rivaling that of genuinely loyal citizens, this God character of theirs is not to be trusted. Known on Earth for the ruthless fanaticism of its devotees, God was powerless to prevent the inevitable apocalypse that unfolded there. The God and Freedom Church is clearly part of the Underground, and as such it is illegal. Its members are traitors and will be treated accordingly. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
And now a word from our sponsors.
The Cory James School of Management is the Bunker's leading provider of executive development schooling. Our professors have hands-on experience in corporate takeovers, leverage through debt, creating investor value, and other trendy management tricks. Follow useful courses such as Watch What You Put In That Email and Boardroom Dilemma. Recommended by such well-known stars as citizen Milfred Roth! The Cory James School of Management. “It's not dishonesty; it's marketing.”
And now for some public service announcements.
The color of the water in the community dining halls throughout V-9, -10, and -11 sectors may appear unusual today. Experts from Housing and Construction have assured us, however, that the slight green or dark purple tinge is harmless and fun! There is nothing to be concerned about. Drink up, citizens!
The Color of the Patriot is slate.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
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