Today's Edition
Greetings, citizen, and welcome to Today's Edition, the Bunker's most trustworthy source of news and current events!
And now a word from our sponsors.
Did you ever wonder what it would be like to land on a black hole and have a look around before taking off again? Or perhaps you are curious about some of the personages our plazas and important buildings are named after? Whatever your intellectual appetites, Whackypedia has the answers for you! Whackypedia is your gateway to the Bunker's largest database of unrestricted information concerning any topic you could possibly think of. Better yet, its millions of entries – on subjects ranging from the health benefits of radioactive decay to esteemed citizen Fankold Schlosser, the first person to calculate the Gravitational Constant – have been compiled by none other than your fellow citizens. That's right! Anyone with the proper knowhow and gumption can create and edit pages in Whackypedia. And why not? You're an intelligent, upstanding citizen. Yearstretches of training and poring over books is the path of the arrogant and the vain and certainly not required to know the difference between selective and direct metal laser sintering. And if you don't – just read about it on Whackypedia! After soaking up all that wisdom, you'll be able to add to it with confidence. Can't find the entry you're looking for? With the click of a button, you can simply make one up! Whackypedia is the Bunker's primary repository of invaluable factual truths your neighbors have come to trust and rely on. Come visit us on X.net! “Even you can be an expert on microbial production of biopolymers and polymer precursors.”
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
The search in H-5 sector and the adjacent departments for the escaped prototype of an operational and highly unpredictable wartime cybot is now over. A team of crack scientists led by Gamma-clearance citizen and respected project lead, Abe Yazumi, was able to track it down to an abandoned production facility that was once operated by Imagino, Inc, owner and producer of that thoroughly discredited but at one time wildly popular consumer gadget, the hallucinograph. Citizen Abe graciously granted us an interview outside his highly secured lab in H-5 sector. “Once we had the premises surrounded, we feared the cybot would retaliate. So we destroyed the entire building in a firestorm of molecular disassemblers and Breakfast Time high impact, double barreled cannon.” The operation to disable the fugitive cybot did not, however, proceed without glitches. At one point, suspicion fell on citizen Abe himself when one of his researchers, Epsilon clearance citizen Shoxy Mavindidze, reached out to agents at Homeland Security with claims that there was, in fact, no cybot at all and that citizen Abe had embezzled most of the project's funds. Unfortunately, before her claims could be verified, she was burned to death in an unfortunate accident at an abandoned production facility once owned by Imagino, Inc. “The fact that no one ever saw the cybot saves us from a lot of unpleasantness, since knowledge of its description and function are restricted to Epsilon-clearance and higher,” citizen Abe told us. When asked if he would be starting construction on a new prototype, he smiled reassuringly. “If our friends over at Defense still have the funding, I'd be happy to try my hand at this challenge again. After all, protecting my fellow citizens against the machinations of devious traitors is my highest priority!”
And now a word from our sponsors.
Whatdjasay Ear Stoppers, a reliable friend indeed. They'll block out your bunkmates' snoring or your credits back!
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, What Would Carlton Smickett Say? Citizen Carlton Smickett, that much admired behavioral scientist and namesake for our vidshow, was more than just a dutiful researcher who helped get the Developmental Engineering conglomerate off its feet in its early daystretches. He was also a father, a husband, and a human being. You can't tell a genius by the pocket protector tucked into his jumpsuit or the way that he mumbles to himself when no one else is around. Even citizen Carlton was once a Ward of the State, and even citizen Carlton started out sleeping in the Lower Quarters without any security clearance to speak of. The Bunker is a utopia, and as such anyone with talent will inevitably to rise to her proper station. But that doesn't mean you can't wave hello when you see a supergenius walking past and share a little joke. Everyone wants to feel loved and know that she belongs. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
And now a word from our sponsors.
Ride Me Rough Condoms. You can blow them up like balloons or put them on your penis. Whatever works best for you.
And now for some public service announcements.
A contingent of cleanbots will be scouring the corridors in A and Y sectors this weekstretch. If you see them coming, do no interfere and be sure to clear out of their way. They have a tight schedule to keep and will not deviate from their preprogrammed paths under any circumstances.
The Color of the Patriot is crunchtime.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
And now a word from our sponsors.
Did you ever wonder what it would be like to land on a black hole and have a look around before taking off again? Or perhaps you are curious about some of the personages our plazas and important buildings are named after? Whatever your intellectual appetites, Whackypedia has the answers for you! Whackypedia is your gateway to the Bunker's largest database of unrestricted information concerning any topic you could possibly think of. Better yet, its millions of entries – on subjects ranging from the health benefits of radioactive decay to esteemed citizen Fankold Schlosser, the first person to calculate the Gravitational Constant – have been compiled by none other than your fellow citizens. That's right! Anyone with the proper knowhow and gumption can create and edit pages in Whackypedia. And why not? You're an intelligent, upstanding citizen. Yearstretches of training and poring over books is the path of the arrogant and the vain and certainly not required to know the difference between selective and direct metal laser sintering. And if you don't – just read about it on Whackypedia! After soaking up all that wisdom, you'll be able to add to it with confidence. Can't find the entry you're looking for? With the click of a button, you can simply make one up! Whackypedia is the Bunker's primary repository of invaluable factual truths your neighbors have come to trust and rely on. Come visit us on X.net! “Even you can be an expert on microbial production of biopolymers and polymer precursors.”
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
The search in H-5 sector and the adjacent departments for the escaped prototype of an operational and highly unpredictable wartime cybot is now over. A team of crack scientists led by Gamma-clearance citizen and respected project lead, Abe Yazumi, was able to track it down to an abandoned production facility that was once operated by Imagino, Inc, owner and producer of that thoroughly discredited but at one time wildly popular consumer gadget, the hallucinograph. Citizen Abe graciously granted us an interview outside his highly secured lab in H-5 sector. “Once we had the premises surrounded, we feared the cybot would retaliate. So we destroyed the entire building in a firestorm of molecular disassemblers and Breakfast Time high impact, double barreled cannon.” The operation to disable the fugitive cybot did not, however, proceed without glitches. At one point, suspicion fell on citizen Abe himself when one of his researchers, Epsilon clearance citizen Shoxy Mavindidze, reached out to agents at Homeland Security with claims that there was, in fact, no cybot at all and that citizen Abe had embezzled most of the project's funds. Unfortunately, before her claims could be verified, she was burned to death in an unfortunate accident at an abandoned production facility once owned by Imagino, Inc. “The fact that no one ever saw the cybot saves us from a lot of unpleasantness, since knowledge of its description and function are restricted to Epsilon-clearance and higher,” citizen Abe told us. When asked if he would be starting construction on a new prototype, he smiled reassuringly. “If our friends over at Defense still have the funding, I'd be happy to try my hand at this challenge again. After all, protecting my fellow citizens against the machinations of devious traitors is my highest priority!”
And now a word from our sponsors.
Whatdjasay Ear Stoppers, a reliable friend indeed. They'll block out your bunkmates' snoring or your credits back!
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, What Would Carlton Smickett Say? Citizen Carlton Smickett, that much admired behavioral scientist and namesake for our vidshow, was more than just a dutiful researcher who helped get the Developmental Engineering conglomerate off its feet in its early daystretches. He was also a father, a husband, and a human being. You can't tell a genius by the pocket protector tucked into his jumpsuit or the way that he mumbles to himself when no one else is around. Even citizen Carlton was once a Ward of the State, and even citizen Carlton started out sleeping in the Lower Quarters without any security clearance to speak of. The Bunker is a utopia, and as such anyone with talent will inevitably to rise to her proper station. But that doesn't mean you can't wave hello when you see a supergenius walking past and share a little joke. Everyone wants to feel loved and know that she belongs. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
And now a word from our sponsors.
Ride Me Rough Condoms. You can blow them up like balloons or put them on your penis. Whatever works best for you.
And now for some public service announcements.
A contingent of cleanbots will be scouring the corridors in A and Y sectors this weekstretch. If you see them coming, do no interfere and be sure to clear out of their way. They have a tight schedule to keep and will not deviate from their preprogrammed paths under any circumstances.
The Color of the Patriot is crunchtime.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
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