Today's Edition
Greetings, citizen, and welcome to Today's Edition, the Bunker's most trustworthy source of news and current events!
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
The search in H-5 sector and the adjacent departments for the escaped prototype of an operational and highly unpredictable wartime cybot continues. A team of crack scientists led by Gamma-clearance citizen and respected project lead, citizen Abe Yazumi, is hot on its wheels. “This cybot is armed and dangerous,” he told us during a hectic appearance outside his command headquarters in H-5 sector. “After all, I should know. I designed it myself! The specimen in question is programmed to smell out and destroy terrorists on sight. Unfortunately, one of its defenses is an invisibility cloak. We believe this explains why no one has caught sight of it yet. That, and the incredible powers of deduction I bestowed upon it!” Millions of credits have already been spent on the prototype's design and assembly, most of which were contributed by stakeholders from Defense. A formal inspection of the cybot by a panel of high-clearance officers – the first time they were to lay eyes on the result of their investment – has been delayed indefinitely. Security regulations currently in effect strictly prohibit anyone from disclosing its model number and description to the general public. All citizens are requested to be on the lookout for an invisible, top-secret cybot lurking in the shadows. An updated version of electronic form number 0x00000F79 'NOTIFICATION OF SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY' has been posted on Developmental Engineering's site on X.net for just this purpose. It should be submitted together with a 'SECURITY CLEARANCE EXEMPTION ADDENDUM' form 0x00000571 as well as a 'DECLARATION OF TREASONOUS INTENT' form 0x00000002, where appropriate.
And now a word from our sponsors.
Do you suffer from excessive flatulence? Your social life is in the doldrums, and no one wants to sit next to you at work or in the theater. Your colleagues and friends find it easy to blame you for their own gaseous outbursts. But never you worry, citizen! Manatine Mints will set you straight! These white, chewable candies can't fix your digestive tract, but they sure can make the air that emerges smell friendlier. Try one and you'll see! Manatine Mints are available at a vending machine nearest you. “All that screaming and weeping is a sign of joy.”
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, What Would Carlton Smickett Say? One of the indelible pleasures of life in the Bunker is gathering after dinner in the common room of our communal barracks and curling up with friends, neighbors, and a container of NiceCream to watch the tube. What else could be more soothing or replenishing than relaxing with our fellow citizens and enjoying some wholesome entertainment? Unfortunately, due to an unexpected spike in terrorist activity, most common rooms are equipped with but a single tube, and not everyone will always agree on what to watch. Will it be that rerun of How'd You Get So Loyal? you've been looking forward to all weekstretch? Or maybe Wheel of Misfortune, the Bunker's favorite daily gameshow? Remember, violence is never the way to solve any dispute. The tube has been generously provided by Control for everyone's benefit. In fact, every feed carefully written and produced by Human Resources and broadcast on the tube is a pleasure to watch, whatever it happens to be. After all, this is a utopia. All its inventions are perfect. So if tonight you don't get your way in the common room of your communal barracks, sit back and enjoy that NiceCream anyway, because what you're about to watch is stupendous, intellectually titillating, and the best thing since PermaChunky and Red Flavor! That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
On a lighter note, citizens in U-13 sector will be selected at random by Epsilon-clearance citizen and talented artist Yekaterina Romashkova to pose in her newest and much anticipated portrait in patriotic color, A Feast of Friends, part of the Bunker's ongoing celebration of spontaneous art. If you happen to be chosen, don't let the knives and forks frighten you! Participation in this event is mandatory and fun. Thank you for your cooperation.
And now a word from our sponsors.
Parnax Glue. It sticks things together. Most of the time.
And now for some public service announcements.
Due to routine maintenance scheduled for today and tomorrow on the electrical grid in B sector, oxygen levels and ambient air pressure may fluctuate unexpectedly. Citizens may experience mild disorientation, fatigue, or explode from the inside out. There is nothing to be concerned about. Also, the lighting in corridors A-4/ER-7 through A-4/EX-21 is in the process of being upgraded. Extended periods of complete darkness are likely. Citizens are reminded that the security cameras can see in the infrared band and are expected to behave responsibly.
And now a word from our sponsors.
Parnax Solvent. It gets rid of the glue. Most of the time.
The Color of the Patriot is jetstream.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
The search in H-5 sector and the adjacent departments for the escaped prototype of an operational and highly unpredictable wartime cybot continues. A team of crack scientists led by Gamma-clearance citizen and respected project lead, citizen Abe Yazumi, is hot on its wheels. “This cybot is armed and dangerous,” he told us during a hectic appearance outside his command headquarters in H-5 sector. “After all, I should know. I designed it myself! The specimen in question is programmed to smell out and destroy terrorists on sight. Unfortunately, one of its defenses is an invisibility cloak. We believe this explains why no one has caught sight of it yet. That, and the incredible powers of deduction I bestowed upon it!” Millions of credits have already been spent on the prototype's design and assembly, most of which were contributed by stakeholders from Defense. A formal inspection of the cybot by a panel of high-clearance officers – the first time they were to lay eyes on the result of their investment – has been delayed indefinitely. Security regulations currently in effect strictly prohibit anyone from disclosing its model number and description to the general public. All citizens are requested to be on the lookout for an invisible, top-secret cybot lurking in the shadows. An updated version of electronic form number 0x00000F79 'NOTIFICATION OF SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY' has been posted on Developmental Engineering's site on X.net for just this purpose. It should be submitted together with a 'SECURITY CLEARANCE EXEMPTION ADDENDUM' form 0x00000571 as well as a 'DECLARATION OF TREASONOUS INTENT' form 0x00000002, where appropriate.
And now a word from our sponsors.
Do you suffer from excessive flatulence? Your social life is in the doldrums, and no one wants to sit next to you at work or in the theater. Your colleagues and friends find it easy to blame you for their own gaseous outbursts. But never you worry, citizen! Manatine Mints will set you straight! These white, chewable candies can't fix your digestive tract, but they sure can make the air that emerges smell friendlier. Try one and you'll see! Manatine Mints are available at a vending machine nearest you. “All that screaming and weeping is a sign of joy.”
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, What Would Carlton Smickett Say? One of the indelible pleasures of life in the Bunker is gathering after dinner in the common room of our communal barracks and curling up with friends, neighbors, and a container of NiceCream to watch the tube. What else could be more soothing or replenishing than relaxing with our fellow citizens and enjoying some wholesome entertainment? Unfortunately, due to an unexpected spike in terrorist activity, most common rooms are equipped with but a single tube, and not everyone will always agree on what to watch. Will it be that rerun of How'd You Get So Loyal? you've been looking forward to all weekstretch? Or maybe Wheel of Misfortune, the Bunker's favorite daily gameshow? Remember, violence is never the way to solve any dispute. The tube has been generously provided by Control for everyone's benefit. In fact, every feed carefully written and produced by Human Resources and broadcast on the tube is a pleasure to watch, whatever it happens to be. After all, this is a utopia. All its inventions are perfect. So if tonight you don't get your way in the common room of your communal barracks, sit back and enjoy that NiceCream anyway, because what you're about to watch is stupendous, intellectually titillating, and the best thing since PermaChunky and Red Flavor! That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
On a lighter note, citizens in U-13 sector will be selected at random by Epsilon-clearance citizen and talented artist Yekaterina Romashkova to pose in her newest and much anticipated portrait in patriotic color, A Feast of Friends, part of the Bunker's ongoing celebration of spontaneous art. If you happen to be chosen, don't let the knives and forks frighten you! Participation in this event is mandatory and fun. Thank you for your cooperation.
And now a word from our sponsors.
Parnax Glue. It sticks things together. Most of the time.
And now for some public service announcements.
Due to routine maintenance scheduled for today and tomorrow on the electrical grid in B sector, oxygen levels and ambient air pressure may fluctuate unexpectedly. Citizens may experience mild disorientation, fatigue, or explode from the inside out. There is nothing to be concerned about. Also, the lighting in corridors A-4/ER-7 through A-4/EX-21 is in the process of being upgraded. Extended periods of complete darkness are likely. Citizens are reminded that the security cameras can see in the infrared band and are expected to behave responsibly.
And now a word from our sponsors.
Parnax Solvent. It gets rid of the glue. Most of the time.
The Color of the Patriot is jetstream.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
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