Do you feel bitter? A friend said he felt bitter about a family argument that happened over 20 years ago. My response: fix it if you can.

Now I appreciate that you may have lost touch with a person so cannot go to try to speak to a person who you were angry with for whatever reason. Even if you are willing to talk about a hurtful event the other person may not be willing and thus your hands are tied. If you believe you have done 'wrong' then it can be useful to forgive yourself for your part in any disharmony.

You may need to accept your own inappropriate behaviour. If you forgive yourself or another my suggestion is that you work on forgiving yourself or another for not being the way you wanted - not necessarily for any words or deeds.

One of my concerns about the teaching of the Christian religion is that it appears to encourage people to suppress their anger as not being a natural response to hurt. In my opinion, if you do not express your anger appropriately (by being assertive - not aggressive/violent) that emotional pain turns inwards and may lead to ill health.

From my perspective humans all want to be loved and there is regret when they do not feel loved. Regret leads to sadness and if grief is not dealt with effectively,anger takes over. Anger is a stage of grief.


One way of expressing sadness is to the person directly (when possible). Saying something direct like "I feel sad" can be
empowering. It is straightforward and allows the other person to deal with the situation. No game playing. The warning I would instigate is that the person who hurt you may deny their words and behaviour and refuse to take personal responsibility.

Thus, this is a situation where a 'therapy letter' becomes useful. You definitely do not send this. Write it out and get all the feelings 'off your chest'- no one else needs to read your words. Read this letter to an 'empty chair' - a legitimate therapeutic technique. See my book "Emotional Health for Emotional Wealth" for help with healing emotional pain.

My perspective is that you open yourself up to becoming depressed, self harming, and suicide if you do not tackle emotional pain. My view is that there is a 'ladder' of human desire for love (not just sexual love):-


Love
Regret
Sadness
Anger
Depression
Self-harm
Suicide/Suicidal ideation

Where are you on this 'ladder'?

Try shifting your feelings by educating yourself (thinking differently), and changing your behaviour.

This is the value of self-help books in my opinion. Yes, my books are about self-help. Alternatively, please do go to counselling or see a therapist rather than stay stuck with bitterness.