Today's Edition
A fun and happy greetings to all you survivors out there, wandering aimlessly around in the dark! You're reading the latest from Your Edition Today!
This is Marsha Wong, formerly a site manager in H&C assigned to H-11 sector.
And I'm Hillary Binzer, a field organizer in the same!
We're your new spokespersons until someone from Today's Edition can untangle their circuit board and send somebody else down here to take over in an official capacity. That's right! We've restored the power and dumped the bodies in the corridor outside. We've got runners shuttling back and forth between our location out here in the dark and a containment team led by none other than celebrity manager and Beta-clearance citizen, Milfred Roth!
That's right, ladies and gentlemen! Beta clearance citizen Milfred Roth has taken it upon himself to raise the morale of all you lost souls starving and thirsting in the dark and try to guide you back in.
Now, as some of you may know, citizen Hillary and I were wrongfully accused not long back of – well, there's no reason to dig up false and entirely baseless accusations. Suffice it to say, Milfred Roth knows a loyal, dedicated citizen when he sees one! What exactly he was doing in a Homeland Security interrogation center drenched in blood and carrying a full complement of waterboarding equipment is anyone's guess and certainly not our place to ask.
So here we are! And because we are not actually employees of Rammatooma Media, Ltd. – the owner and license holder of that name you've come to love to trust, Today's Edition – and do not wish to run afoul of any copyright enforcers, we've decided to call our broadcasts Your Edition Today!
Well, Hillary, let's get down to it, shall we?
With pleasure, Marsha. The lads from Control have designated the Lower Quarters of all sectors as temporary safe havens, since they seem to have sustained the least damage. Anyone left without shelter due to the recent disaster has been requested to report to the Lower Quarters of the sector they are currently in for reassignment.
Hillary, there have been reports that due to the magnitude and scale of the damage and the fact that no one has claimed responsibility for it, Control is terminating anyone who falls into its hands indiscriminately?
Sounds like absolute malarky to me, Marsha. Control is the only organization in the Bunker that's kept its cool in this mess. If there is anyone under the dome I'd trust right now, it's someone from Control! People who tell you otherwise are terrorists.
My thoughts exactly, Hillary. Also, we've been instructed to let you know that emergency guidelines have been promulgated which make it a crime to hoard food in any form: this includes stray bags of PermaCrispy and PermaChunky, tins of Algatine, cans of Flappantastic, Blue Fixx, and any other treat that comes from a vending machine or similar dispenser. The food pits – those happy places where delicious and nutritious vitamim is produced – are strictly off limits to unauthorized access. Even food pits which are not currently operational fall under this guideline. Trespassers are traitors and will be dealt with accordingly!
Citizens, if you have access to extra food or water, you are instructed to bring it to a responsible guardian from Defense so it can be fairly distributed.
And I think I should mention you should do this before reporting to the Lower Quarters for reassignment.
Thanks, Marsha.
No problem, Hillary.
Well, that's all the time we have for you today, citizens. Stay tuned for another dispatch of Your Edition Today! some time during the next weekstretch, provided the power stays on long enough to get it to you.
Stay brave, and don't give up hope. After all, we are citizens of the Bunker. All of us.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
This is Marsha Wong, formerly a site manager in H&C assigned to H-11 sector.
And I'm Hillary Binzer, a field organizer in the same!
We're your new spokespersons until someone from Today's Edition can untangle their circuit board and send somebody else down here to take over in an official capacity. That's right! We've restored the power and dumped the bodies in the corridor outside. We've got runners shuttling back and forth between our location out here in the dark and a containment team led by none other than celebrity manager and Beta-clearance citizen, Milfred Roth!
That's right, ladies and gentlemen! Beta clearance citizen Milfred Roth has taken it upon himself to raise the morale of all you lost souls starving and thirsting in the dark and try to guide you back in.
Now, as some of you may know, citizen Hillary and I were wrongfully accused not long back of – well, there's no reason to dig up false and entirely baseless accusations. Suffice it to say, Milfred Roth knows a loyal, dedicated citizen when he sees one! What exactly he was doing in a Homeland Security interrogation center drenched in blood and carrying a full complement of waterboarding equipment is anyone's guess and certainly not our place to ask.
So here we are! And because we are not actually employees of Rammatooma Media, Ltd. – the owner and license holder of that name you've come to love to trust, Today's Edition – and do not wish to run afoul of any copyright enforcers, we've decided to call our broadcasts Your Edition Today!
Well, Hillary, let's get down to it, shall we?
With pleasure, Marsha. The lads from Control have designated the Lower Quarters of all sectors as temporary safe havens, since they seem to have sustained the least damage. Anyone left without shelter due to the recent disaster has been requested to report to the Lower Quarters of the sector they are currently in for reassignment.
Hillary, there have been reports that due to the magnitude and scale of the damage and the fact that no one has claimed responsibility for it, Control is terminating anyone who falls into its hands indiscriminately?
Sounds like absolute malarky to me, Marsha. Control is the only organization in the Bunker that's kept its cool in this mess. If there is anyone under the dome I'd trust right now, it's someone from Control! People who tell you otherwise are terrorists.
My thoughts exactly, Hillary. Also, we've been instructed to let you know that emergency guidelines have been promulgated which make it a crime to hoard food in any form: this includes stray bags of PermaCrispy and PermaChunky, tins of Algatine, cans of Flappantastic, Blue Fixx, and any other treat that comes from a vending machine or similar dispenser. The food pits – those happy places where delicious and nutritious vitamim is produced – are strictly off limits to unauthorized access. Even food pits which are not currently operational fall under this guideline. Trespassers are traitors and will be dealt with accordingly!
Citizens, if you have access to extra food or water, you are instructed to bring it to a responsible guardian from Defense so it can be fairly distributed.
And I think I should mention you should do this before reporting to the Lower Quarters for reassignment.
Thanks, Marsha.
No problem, Hillary.
Well, that's all the time we have for you today, citizens. Stay tuned for another dispatch of Your Edition Today! some time during the next weekstretch, provided the power stays on long enough to get it to you.
Stay brave, and don't give up hope. After all, we are citizens of the Bunker. All of us.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
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