A fun and happy greetings to everyone out there today! This is Marsha Wong.

And I'm Hillary Binzer. You're reading the latest from Your Edition Today!

Last weekstretch, my colleague Marsha Wong erroneously reported that the private firms had all been disbanded by Control. I am pleased to announce that this is not in fact the case.

Wait a stretch, Hillary. We both reported on that story. Remember? “The private firms never really served any useful purpose.” Your words, not mine.

As in many instances where disinformation or loss of life results from an innocent mistake, I'm sure Marsha Wong meant no harm.

You also said the private firms were a haven for traitors of all stripes. I have the transcript right here.

In the interests of comity and self-preservation, let us gloss over who lied to whom and forget about whatever her intentions might have been. After all, there is an army of traitors out there, sabotaging vital industrial centers and blowing holes in the domes. We've got to come together in a spirit of sisterhood.

You arrogant cancerhead.

What I think my colleague Marsha meant to say is that some of the private firms have been shut down in light of the current state of emergency. However, this action was not taken because the private firms are a scourge on society. What loyal citizen would possibly suggest such a blatant lie? To the contrary, the private firms offer a much-needed platform for innovation and efficiency, a forum for experimentation that cannot be risked in the Bunker's core conglomerates. A number of useful discoveries have undoubtedly come from private firms. And let's not neglect to mention their customer-oriented focus! Most citizens prefer to work with the private firms, which have gone to great expense to improve wait-times in their call centers and sharpen their promotional messaging.

Well, that's actually what I reported last weekstretch.

No you didn't, Marsha.

Yes, I did, Hillary. I think if you review the transcript you'll see that I never said the private firms were being closed without exception. I think I was perfectly clear when I stated that there were a number of private firms that have been shut down due to a shortage of resources required by P&L and Developmental Engineering. And no one disparaged the usefulness of the private firms in general, certainly not myself.

Just because you used malware to delete the transcript of last weekstretch's dispatch from my PA doesn't mean it was permanently destroyed, Marsha.

In fact, given the state of emergency we face, we must be even more vigilant and resist the ever-growing terrorist threat. Witnessing and failing to report an act of treason in a timely fashion is – by definition – treason. One whole weekstretch is a pretty long time. Are you a traitor, Hillary?

Of course not, Marsha! All I meant was –

False accusations of treason are equally nefarious and those who make them are treated just like the traitors themselves.

Truce, Marsha?

Truce, Hillary.

Well, that's all the time we have for you today. Stay tuned for another dispatch of Your Edition Today! as soon as we can get it to you.

And remember: we are citizens of the Bunker. Each and every last one of us.

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Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.