We’ve been hijacked by technology; our emotional connection to others has been kidnapped and is being held hostage by our phones. Do we need to pay a ransom to professionals to get back in touch with our emotions?

    Donna Hylton, an activist for the rights of women in prison, was released from a maximum security prison not long ago after 27 years inside. The day she was released she took a walk through Central Park. She couldn’t understand what people were doing. They seemed to be talking aloud to themselves. Others were staring down as they walked, doing something with their fingers and thumbs. At the bus stop no one was talking to anyone else and once people got on, they were all in their own little world. Someone had to explain Bluetooth and what had happened with phones to Donna.

“People have stopped talking to each other,” she said to me. “And they’ve stopped touching each other,” she said touching my arm.

Luckily, we can go to a professional cuddler or a massage therapist if we want to be touched. And we can hire a trainer or go to a counselor or get our hair done if we want to talk to someone.

Starbucks designed their coffee shops to create a sense of community but if you go into a Starbucks the only talk you’ll hear is someone ordering or picking up a coffee. Everyone else is sitting staring at a laptop, most with headphones on. Gyms used to be friendly hangouts where you could always talk sports even with strangers. They’ve been replaced by sports clubs where people walk around listening to their own music. I’ve been going to a local sports club for ten years with people who have never spoken a word to one another. Instead of getting to know people with whom they obviously have a few things in common—they exercise, watch their weight, are close in age, relatively attractive and live in the same area—they go on Match.com to find people to date.

“People don’t recognize the power of touch,” Donna says to me.

Of course, talking with strangers is awkward because all strangers are sketchy. This is what the news has taught us.

At the sports club, if I do want to ask someone a question like: “Are you using the attachment that’s sitting on floor at your feet?” I have to tap him on the shoulder or motion her to take off her headphones so she can hear me. I have to interrupt him in the middle of listening to the new Taylor Swift! Annoying! Even if I’m telling someone that a machine is broken it’s awkward and intrusive. Not that anyone tells me if a machine is broken. I have to find out for myself.

People would much rather stare at themselves in a mirror while they exercise with their headphones on in their own private Idaho rather than talk to anyone else. Luckily if you go to Snugglebunnies.com you can find Holden “an eccentric man-boy in touch with his sensitive side” who, for 60 dollars an hour will cuddle with you. Or Melanie a “modern day Renaissance woman” who, for $400, will nuzzle with you all night.

“Hess moved us into the “Side Pocket,” in which I lay on my side, snuggled against her with my head resting on the nape of her neck and my arm draped across her body.” Explains Melissa in an article for Salon. Hess is a certified cuddler who knows one hundred positions. Imagine.

Meanwhile back in the real world, our lack of personal interaction results in a certain lack of civility. If my neighbor does not speak to me when I say Hi, after a few attempts I begin to hate her. Just as I hate the people at the club who spend forty minutes looking deeply into their own eyes or worse, picking at their skin, or checking over their shoulder at their butt as if they are alone, or staring past me in the mirror to check their biceps while ignoring everyone else. I’m exaggerating of course. I don’t hate them—I don’t know them!

Yet, it’s no coincidence that this move to online communication limited to members of your own tribe creates a distance from others that enables people to engage in online bullying and ad hominem attacks in response to anyone who posts a political position. We’ve been hijacked by technology; our emotional connection to others has been kidnapped and is being held hostage by our phones. We need to pay a ransom to professionals to get back in touch with our emotions. We could give someone a hug like the November Project does after their mass morning workouts or we could hire a professional hugger. Certified of course.