Today's Edition
Greetings, citizens. My name is – well, that's not really important right now. What is important is that you're tuned in to the latest dispatch from Today's Edition!
TERRORISTS FABRICATE ALLEGED BLACKOUTS IN Y SECTOR! Treasonous elements have launched yet another cowardly assault on the Bunker. This time, they are spreading despicable, virulent rumors of imagined power failures in H sector. If you believe the cooked-up feeds being spread on X.net, citizens are dying in droves of asphyxiation, dehydration, and hypothermia. Naturally, nothing could be further from the truth. H sector is perfectly fine, as is everyone inside of it. These pathetic attempts to undermine our collective morale were doomed to failure from the start. Citizens, if you receive any links to these illegal and poorly made feeds or suspect anyone you know of passing them on to others, report the incident immediately to your Homeland Security neighborhood substation. Thank you for your cooperation.
And now a word from our sponsors!
Need something to breathe? Maybe an extra blanket or two? Air and warmth are two of life's most necessary ingredients – and they are readily available in the Bunker at all times. Still, these commodities have uses other than supporting precious life. Is it time to clean out the inside of your petbot? Our canisters hold hourstretches of clean, fresh air. Afraid of an electrical fire breaking out in your helpbot's charging station? Our blankets are thick, comfortable and insulated. Life Or Death, Inc. We invite you to visit our site on X.net. And if you order one hundred or more canisters of compressed air now, we'll throw in an ecopack for free! That's right! Be the life of the party in your own air-tight, self-contained environment! Life Or Death, Inc. Yes, we deliver!
OFFICIAL ARTIST FOR HAPPY DAYSTRETCH EXPO ANNOUNCED! Everybody loves Happy Daystretch, even if they don't know when it is until it's already been. The fact is, any daystretch could be Happy Daystretch, and it's always fast approaching. Fortunately, the Bunker is a utopia, and all its citizens are happy all the time. There is therefore no reason to worry that Happy Daystretch won't be dutifully honored as its name implies. As a tribute to the daystretch we all have come to crave and love, citizen Wanjuna Gringibor T-2 sector has been chosen as the official artist for the upcoming Happy Daystretch Expo! A collection of her most important works – all dedicated to this yearstretch's theme of Inner Peace Through Compliance – will be making its way through the Bunker over the next weekstretch. Click here to find out when Wanjuna Gringibor's graceful sculptures and paintings will be available in a plaza or public square nearest you.
DEAR EDITOR, I can't breathe, even though I want to. Help! [Name and place of residence deleted for security reasons]
DEAR [Name and place of residence deleted for security reasons], the Bunker is a utopia. Everything already works perfectly the way it is. Thanks for taking the time to write to us.
H SECTOR WINS FIRST 'MOST PATRIOTIC PLACE TO LIVE AND WORK' AWARD! We are proud to announce that H sector – and everyone in it! – is the recipient of the Bunker's first ever Most Patriotic Place To Live And Work Award! Earlier today, some the most highly regarded graphic designers at Housing and Construction's Urban Planning division teamed up to rate the aesthetics of each of the Bunker's twenty-five sectors. They also took into account the friendliness and helpfulness of the citizens working and living there. And wouldn't you know it – all twenty-five sectors scored a ten out of ten possible points! However, the Award could not be shared among all the apparent victors. It would have been unfair to the fierce but loyal determination with which they contended for the prize. After a long and at times heated debate, the graphic designers over at H&C finally settled on a winner: H sector! The determining factor: [We're sorry, but this information is not available at your security clearance.] The celebrations are expected to be impressive, and preparations are currently being made. For this reason, H sector has been temporarily restricted to H&C personnel in the Toxic Cleanup and Emergency Restoration divisions. No one else will be allowed in or out. Thank you for your cooperation.
That's all the time we have for today, folks. On behalf of the staff here at Today's Edition, it was a pleasure to serve you. Until next weekstretch!
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
TERRORISTS FABRICATE ALLEGED BLACKOUTS IN Y SECTOR! Treasonous elements have launched yet another cowardly assault on the Bunker. This time, they are spreading despicable, virulent rumors of imagined power failures in H sector. If you believe the cooked-up feeds being spread on X.net, citizens are dying in droves of asphyxiation, dehydration, and hypothermia. Naturally, nothing could be further from the truth. H sector is perfectly fine, as is everyone inside of it. These pathetic attempts to undermine our collective morale were doomed to failure from the start. Citizens, if you receive any links to these illegal and poorly made feeds or suspect anyone you know of passing them on to others, report the incident immediately to your Homeland Security neighborhood substation. Thank you for your cooperation.
And now a word from our sponsors!
Need something to breathe? Maybe an extra blanket or two? Air and warmth are two of life's most necessary ingredients – and they are readily available in the Bunker at all times. Still, these commodities have uses other than supporting precious life. Is it time to clean out the inside of your petbot? Our canisters hold hourstretches of clean, fresh air. Afraid of an electrical fire breaking out in your helpbot's charging station? Our blankets are thick, comfortable and insulated. Life Or Death, Inc. We invite you to visit our site on X.net. And if you order one hundred or more canisters of compressed air now, we'll throw in an ecopack for free! That's right! Be the life of the party in your own air-tight, self-contained environment! Life Or Death, Inc. Yes, we deliver!
OFFICIAL ARTIST FOR HAPPY DAYSTRETCH EXPO ANNOUNCED! Everybody loves Happy Daystretch, even if they don't know when it is until it's already been. The fact is, any daystretch could be Happy Daystretch, and it's always fast approaching. Fortunately, the Bunker is a utopia, and all its citizens are happy all the time. There is therefore no reason to worry that Happy Daystretch won't be dutifully honored as its name implies. As a tribute to the daystretch we all have come to crave and love, citizen Wanjuna Gringibor T-2 sector has been chosen as the official artist for the upcoming Happy Daystretch Expo! A collection of her most important works – all dedicated to this yearstretch's theme of Inner Peace Through Compliance – will be making its way through the Bunker over the next weekstretch. Click here to find out when Wanjuna Gringibor's graceful sculptures and paintings will be available in a plaza or public square nearest you.
DEAR EDITOR, I can't breathe, even though I want to. Help! [Name and place of residence deleted for security reasons]
DEAR [Name and place of residence deleted for security reasons], the Bunker is a utopia. Everything already works perfectly the way it is. Thanks for taking the time to write to us.
H SECTOR WINS FIRST 'MOST PATRIOTIC PLACE TO LIVE AND WORK' AWARD! We are proud to announce that H sector – and everyone in it! – is the recipient of the Bunker's first ever Most Patriotic Place To Live And Work Award! Earlier today, some the most highly regarded graphic designers at Housing and Construction's Urban Planning division teamed up to rate the aesthetics of each of the Bunker's twenty-five sectors. They also took into account the friendliness and helpfulness of the citizens working and living there. And wouldn't you know it – all twenty-five sectors scored a ten out of ten possible points! However, the Award could not be shared among all the apparent victors. It would have been unfair to the fierce but loyal determination with which they contended for the prize. After a long and at times heated debate, the graphic designers over at H&C finally settled on a winner: H sector! The determining factor: [We're sorry, but this information is not available at your security clearance.] The celebrations are expected to be impressive, and preparations are currently being made. For this reason, H sector has been temporarily restricted to H&C personnel in the Toxic Cleanup and Emergency Restoration divisions. No one else will be allowed in or out. Thank you for your cooperation.
That's all the time we have for today, folks. On behalf of the staff here at Today's Edition, it was a pleasure to serve you. Until next weekstretch!
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
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