Susan Jane Smith

Personally, I am terrified of dying. I have never wanted to do it and I hate the idea that it is outside of my control - mostly. I have for a long time told my friends and family that I will hope to commit suicide if I end up with cancer (or something else)if treatment does not look productive. Not sure I can actually do it - at least it gives me the illusion of control and choices.

I also have a 'living will' which resides with my Power of Attorney, my doctor and my solicitor. It sets out the parameters of what care I want if I cannot speak for myself.

Currently I have no reason to think I need a coffin. Years ago I came across a lady who was making pretty, coloured, paper mache caskets. That would be my first choice I decided. If not,I feel a wicker basket is in keeping with my 'green' wishes. I also fancy a green burial plot and found one where lambs would run across me in the Spring.

I have chosen the person I would prefer to take the Service, and written out the Service as I want it. Starting with a poem called "Rainbow Bridge" about my life and death with my pets (currently 11 rescue cats and a rescue dog). Years ago a Vicar told me that animals had no souls and we had an argument about it - he did not like animals so I consider him not fit to judge!

"The Desiderata" was found in a church years ago and is usually available on cards in church shops. The words made me feel better and kept me alive through years of depression. My favourite bit is "Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the Universe, no less than the trees and the stars, and you have a right to be here..." Do look the whole poem up for yourself. There might be some comfort in it for you too.

My experience is that frequently the singing at funerals is a bit 'limp' so I have chosen a hymn called "All Things Bright and Beautiful" - it was my favourite at school and is easy to sing.

Before finishing with The Lord's Prayer I would like the poem "Autumn Rain" read out - author Mary Elizabeth Fry in 1932. Since it is often quoted at funerals, I am including it here in case it is useful to you . I have no idea if it is still under copyright or not, and hope that Mary Elizabeth Fry would approve of her work still helping people:-

"Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there: I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there; I did not die."

This goes along with my simplistic understanding that we are beings of energy and that quantumn physics would give me to understand that 'matter' cannot be destroyed. I suppose I won't know until I get there!

Until recently it never occured to me that there are female funeral directors so I am off to see if I can find one in my area. The last piece of the plan.

I am finding the process of forcing myself to think about my own death quite empowering now that I have started and that is why I am sharing through this blog. I hope to inspire other people to take the burden off the family left behind and make their own arrangements. I am also trying to tidy-up my financial arrangements and paperwork files so that other people can do the probate work more easily. How easy would it be for your loved ones to figure out your income and expenses? How do you want to end your days on Earth?