"I used to love the way that he took charge of situations. Whether it was ordering for me at one of those fancy restaurants. And choosing the wine. He was so suave and sophisticated. Now, I resent his controlling ways."

"Well, that's nothing! My hubby was that 'Exciting guy'. He lived on the edge. Had his motorcycle. the latest in hi-fi equipment. Tech gadgets galore. Now, I resent all of the money that he wastes on these toys of his. And, to boot, he doesn't even check with me, first!"

"My wife was the seductress. The 'Come Hither' girl. She knew how to party. Boy, did she know how to party! Now, I deal with a lush who throws herself at every guy when we are out at a party. She even flirts, big time, with waiters!"

"My wife was the opposite. She was the quiet, wifely/ motherly type. I used to appreciate it when she would help me pick out clothes. Or remind me to do things that I was apt to forget. Now, I feel mothered beyond belief! She acts as though I have no brain or can't even dress myself! And, now that we have kids, the lovemaking is nil and every free moment is spent with the kids or planning things for the kids, or... What happened to having a wife?"

What was once so charming, years ago, when you first met & married, somehow is not so charming, today. There are so many additional examples to make, but I know that you're smart and get the idea. Perhaps, in spades!

So, now what? Are you supposed to simply accept their behaviors? Even if they drive you crazy? Watch out, now... I'm going to say 'Yes' and 'No'.

People are essentially who they are and will be, by the time that you marry them. So that even if you had a fantasy of being able to change their behaviors, the dream must be accepted for that: a fantasy!
Keep in mind that (gasp!) you also came into the marriage with certain qualities which your spouse might now see in a less favorable light.
You've made a commitment. You knew what you were getting into, even if you (falsely) believed that you could alter reality.
So, I strongly suggest, on one hand, to accept things and find ways to make the best of them.

The exceptions, of course, are if there is addiction for which your husband or wife does not wish to seek treatment & does not seek help, abuse, or adultery. Then, professional help and possibly divorce are called for. (Abuse calls for immediate separation. And probably legal intervention.)

What of my 'No' response, which I alluded to earlier?
Depending upon the behavior, good old-fashioned communication and some behavioral modification tips might temper what you no longer find appealing.

Let them know that you loved and still do, certain of their qualities. But as your lives have changed and needs are somewhat different, you would appreciate it if they would tone things down a bit. Let you order your own food, unless you ask for help in deciphering the menu or choosing that fine wine. You don't mind them having the latest toys if other budget items have been taken care of and you won't go into debt for them. Set a price at which they need to discuss the purchase. (i.e., anything over $100) Set weekly 'date nights' without the kids. (Send them off to a relative or friend's home for the night, if possible.) Ask what you could do (notice the ownership) to reignite the romantic sparks that you once shared.
And, do not... I emphasize do not... forget to ask what you could work on for them! That's right! You need to make this a 2 way street. if not, then don't even bother with the previous advice in this section. Simply suck it up!

Sometimes, changing your actions and reactions to their behavior will have a positive impact.
How so, you ask?
Well, you could try 'psychology' on them. You could try laying out their clothes for them or suggesting what you think that they would look especially nice in, that morning or evening.
You could arrange for a romantic evening or simply begin to rub their neck or whatever you know that turns them on.
You could arrange for household help and simply tell your spouse that you did that to free up their time and energy. (Just don't say that it was for your benefit.)

The specific ideas are virtually endless. But, hopefully, you catch my drift.

Bottom line, you accepted who they are. Work with and around that fact. Be willing to change, yourself, to accommodate them, out of fairness.
No one says that you should tolerate or accept bad behaviors. But, character/ personality traits... Now, that's something 'sort of' different.

'Nuff said!