Love
I have several friends of various ages that have one thing in common, they're looking for love. A partner, someone with whom to share their lives, their hopes, dreams and innermost secrets. A soul mate.
There's so many articles, books, blogs, and anecdotes written about finding love. What it should feel like, how you should react or how he/she should react. How in the heck is a person supposed to find love these days? Most of my friends have been through the online dating circuit. While it worked for one or two of them it doesn't work for everybody. Thinking of what my friends are going through made me reflect on the love I have in my own life. The different types and various levels of love, so complex, yet so simple too. What could be hard about love? What do I really know about love?
I know that love comes in many different forms. The first being love between a man and a woman (or woman & woman, man & man - whichever). Love between a parent and child. Love between siblings, grandparents, other extended family members and friends. I know that all love requires a few things to keep it alive in your life and to attract more love to you. You need to show it. This is what I've learned about love (these are not in any particular order).
1. Respect - always respect your love for that person enough not to speak badly about him or her to anyone else. You will always have issues to resolve between yourselves. Keeping love takes work. Respect your love and he/she will respect you. Do not use your children or other family members to side with you if you're the type to use your partner as a verbal bashing punching bag. If you do, you and your partner will lose all respect from those around you. Let others know how much you love and respect your partner by always seeing the positive things that person does. If you are constantly verbally bashing your loved one to others, you have some work to do in finding out if that person is really right for you.
2. Kindness - always be kind to your love. Do the little things like making him/her a cup of coffee without them asking, leave a little love note in their lunch or their pillow, etc. Little things actually do mean a lot. They will appreciate you for it. Be careful though not to overdo it. There's a fine line for being taken for granted here too. Pull back a little every once in a while if you do not see kindness reciprocated.
3. Gratitude - always be grateful for anything that person does for you. Thank him or her for making dinner, taking out the trash, setting the table, making the bed, doing the laundry, etc. There's so many things they do that we take for granted. Show your appreciation by acknowledging them and say "thank you for (fill in the blank)." I learned this a long time ago with my husband and children. I was shocked at the reactions I received when I began to be grateful for whatever it was they did for me or the family. In turn, they actually wanted to do more good things. Be careful not to overdo it though, like with kindness, make sure you see it reciprocated. You don't have thank them all day long about every little thing, but just a few things here and there to let them know you see and appreciate what they do for you.
4. Compliment - look at your love one and compliment them on one personal thing each day. "You have a beautiful (fill in the blank - smile, lips, eyes). You smell nice or that shirt/blouse is so sexy on you. Let them know that they are still attractive to you. For children, how nice they dressed themselves that day, how pretty their hair is or how nice their teeth look after they brush them. Complimenting them on something personal makes them feel good.
5. Forgiveness - always remember that you and your loved ones are individuals with different thoughts, feelings, actions - even different purposes in life. There are so many irritating little things we do to one another without even realizing it. Forgive them for doing those annoying things. They are minor in comparison to the bigger scheme of life. Don't yell and scream about little things as if they are such a monstrous offense! Just put the cap back on the toothpaste and smile knowing your loved one is still in your life alive and well. One day you'll miss the forgotten clothes on the floor, the shoes left in the living room, the jacket on the back of the sofa. Ask yourself if it is really that big of a deal to scream about it and cause that person pain.
6. Help - always let them know you need them. "Honey, can you please help me (fill in the blank... set the table? ...hand me that pot/pan? Enlisting their help lets them know they are needed too. Hugs are always a good thing to ask for.
7. Touching - always make sure to give them a kiss, a hug, even a pat on the back. We are always in such a hurry these days that we don't stop to hug and kiss our loved ones. You never know when it will be the last time you will see them. Life happens.
8. Say it! - Speaking the words "I love you," may be hard for some people. If it is for you, then you really have some inner work to do. No matter how difficult it is - say it anyway! Every time you leave for the day, say it. Life is too short not to let them know how much they mean to you. Too often we don't tell the most important people in our lives how we feel about them until it is too late. Live without this one regret and tell those special people in your life how much they mean to you.
Love is always a work in progress. Keep working at it and you will receive love in all its good forms.
There's so many articles, books, blogs, and anecdotes written about finding love. What it should feel like, how you should react or how he/she should react. How in the heck is a person supposed to find love these days? Most of my friends have been through the online dating circuit. While it worked for one or two of them it doesn't work for everybody. Thinking of what my friends are going through made me reflect on the love I have in my own life. The different types and various levels of love, so complex, yet so simple too. What could be hard about love? What do I really know about love?
I know that love comes in many different forms. The first being love between a man and a woman (or woman & woman, man & man - whichever). Love between a parent and child. Love between siblings, grandparents, other extended family members and friends. I know that all love requires a few things to keep it alive in your life and to attract more love to you. You need to show it. This is what I've learned about love (these are not in any particular order).
1. Respect - always respect your love for that person enough not to speak badly about him or her to anyone else. You will always have issues to resolve between yourselves. Keeping love takes work. Respect your love and he/she will respect you. Do not use your children or other family members to side with you if you're the type to use your partner as a verbal bashing punching bag. If you do, you and your partner will lose all respect from those around you. Let others know how much you love and respect your partner by always seeing the positive things that person does. If you are constantly verbally bashing your loved one to others, you have some work to do in finding out if that person is really right for you.
2. Kindness - always be kind to your love. Do the little things like making him/her a cup of coffee without them asking, leave a little love note in their lunch or their pillow, etc. Little things actually do mean a lot. They will appreciate you for it. Be careful though not to overdo it. There's a fine line for being taken for granted here too. Pull back a little every once in a while if you do not see kindness reciprocated.
3. Gratitude - always be grateful for anything that person does for you. Thank him or her for making dinner, taking out the trash, setting the table, making the bed, doing the laundry, etc. There's so many things they do that we take for granted. Show your appreciation by acknowledging them and say "thank you for (fill in the blank)." I learned this a long time ago with my husband and children. I was shocked at the reactions I received when I began to be grateful for whatever it was they did for me or the family. In turn, they actually wanted to do more good things. Be careful not to overdo it though, like with kindness, make sure you see it reciprocated. You don't have thank them all day long about every little thing, but just a few things here and there to let them know you see and appreciate what they do for you.
4. Compliment - look at your love one and compliment them on one personal thing each day. "You have a beautiful (fill in the blank - smile, lips, eyes). You smell nice or that shirt/blouse is so sexy on you. Let them know that they are still attractive to you. For children, how nice they dressed themselves that day, how pretty their hair is or how nice their teeth look after they brush them. Complimenting them on something personal makes them feel good.
5. Forgiveness - always remember that you and your loved ones are individuals with different thoughts, feelings, actions - even different purposes in life. There are so many irritating little things we do to one another without even realizing it. Forgive them for doing those annoying things. They are minor in comparison to the bigger scheme of life. Don't yell and scream about little things as if they are such a monstrous offense! Just put the cap back on the toothpaste and smile knowing your loved one is still in your life alive and well. One day you'll miss the forgotten clothes on the floor, the shoes left in the living room, the jacket on the back of the sofa. Ask yourself if it is really that big of a deal to scream about it and cause that person pain.
6. Help - always let them know you need them. "Honey, can you please help me (fill in the blank... set the table? ...hand me that pot/pan? Enlisting their help lets them know they are needed too. Hugs are always a good thing to ask for.
7. Touching - always make sure to give them a kiss, a hug, even a pat on the back. We are always in such a hurry these days that we don't stop to hug and kiss our loved ones. You never know when it will be the last time you will see them. Life happens.
8. Say it! - Speaking the words "I love you," may be hard for some people. If it is for you, then you really have some inner work to do. No matter how difficult it is - say it anyway! Every time you leave for the day, say it. Life is too short not to let them know how much they mean to you. Too often we don't tell the most important people in our lives how we feel about them until it is too late. Live without this one regret and tell those special people in your life how much they mean to you.
Love is always a work in progress. Keep working at it and you will receive love in all its good forms.
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