Sounds of steam wands and shuffled feet broke the awkward silence at the tiny table. Stephanie warmed her hands on the oversized mug as Kara finished a few texts before putting her phone in her purse.
“Thanks for taking me out for coffee.”
“No problem, I mean, you have had a rough week,” Kara took a sip of her iced vanilla latte through a red straw. “It’s the least I could do.”
“A rough week. Yeah, that’s true.”
“Jake is a loser. I can’t believe he broke up with you the same week your dad died.”
"Maybe it's good thing. It's not like he was being supportive."
Kara thought as the second hand clicked its way around the clock twice.
“Supportive about your dad?”
“Well, yeah. I mean, he died. But there is other stuff. And I’ve been really emotional lately.”
Kara didn’t know what else to ask. Stephanie shifted the sugar packets on the table in front of her into different shapes while she decided if she could tell Kara what happened.
“You know you can tell me, right? I’m here for you. I know there’s something wrong from your past that you don’t talk about. You get randomly freaked out about the weirdest things.”
“I guess it does seem weird,” Stephanie took a deep breath and gathered her courage, the little she had. “My dad abused me, like, he did things. Since he died I’ve been remembering stuff, well I don’t know if I’m remembering. I have flashbacks and horrible dreams. I can’t focus. Jake told me I was being too dramatic. He said he could understand I was grieving, but if I wanted more attention I didn’t need to act out.”
“Wow, that’s crazy,” Kara said. “So you aren’t sure what your dad did to you?”
“Well I remember a few things, but I’m getting the feeling there are things I forgot.”
“Well, have you forgiven him? Your Dad.”
“Yeah, I mean, I know I’m supposed to, and I that's what I wanted. I did.”
“Well, there you go. You forgave him, now you can move on with your life. Now he’s dead and he can’t hurt you again.”
“But look what just happened between me and Jake, my dad caused our break-up.”
Kara looked down at her buzzing purse.
“You can get it if you want,” Stephanie said.
“No, it’s fine. We’re talking.”
Then she felt it, the wall rose. She knew what Kara would say before Kara said it. She could just pretend. Maybe she had imagined her father's abuse. Her breath quickened and her pulse raced. The familiar feeling of worthlessness crept over her. Kara was one of the few people at church that still talked to her. Now it would be over. Her last friend would ignore her just like everyone else had.
“It’s just…” Kara paused, “well, it’s upsetting. I don’t know what to say. I don’t feel like I’m the person you can talk to about this. I understand why Jake was freaked out.”
“So you’re taking his side?” Stephanie wanted to be shocked or surprised by Kara’s reaction, but she wasn’t.
“No! I’m not, I’m just saying I understand. You shouldn’t have dumped all your emotional baggage on him like that without some kind of warning. It was selfish of you.”
“I wasn’t, I was just trying to explain to him why I was so upset.”
“Listen Stephanie, you know I care about you, but that stuff is just too personal. No one will to want to talk about it. I think things will be better if you keep it to yourself.”
“But what about the flashbacks?”
“I don’t know,” Kara said. She looked at the clock for the third time.
“Well, what about the nightmares?” Stephanie asked.
“I don’t know, Steph. I just don’t know, ok? But I can’t talk about this stuff. I know nothing about it. Just keep quiet. I’m telling you as your friend. If people know, they will be weirded out around you. I’m sorry, but I have to go. I have plans with another friend in twenty minutes and now I'll be late. I’ll pray for you, ok? I’m sorry about Jake.”
Without waiting for another word, Kara got up, grabbed her purse and took out her keys on the way to the door. She didn’t look back as she threw her empty cup into the trash and walked out the door and toward the parking lot. Stephanie sat there for five minutes, trying to decide if she could make it to her car before the dam that held back her emotional torrent failed.
“Excuse me,” and elderly woman said.
Stephanie tried to wipe the tears off of her cheeks in a subtle way.
“Hi. Um, do you need something?”
“No, sweetie. I overheard your conversation with that young lady, and she’s wrong. I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but she’s a jerk.”
Stephanie was stunned. She didn’t expect the tiny, gray-haired woman to insult her friend.
“But…”
“No, you don't need to defend her. She’s still the Lord’s child, and He loves her, but she’s a jerk too. There’s a table over there in the corner that will offer us more privacy. It seems like you need a good cry and someone that will actually listen to your story. I promise not to tell you to be quiet, ever.”
“Well… I mean… I don’t know.”
“If you don’t feel like talking, ok, but I would still love company. And how about a few brownies on me?”
“I guess that’s ok.”
“Come on, let’s go.”
The woman linked her petite arm through Stephanie’s and led to her to the corner table.