Mike Berkeley > Mike's Quotes

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#1

“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”
― Mark Twain

34485 likes

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#2

“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
― Mae West

tags: humor, life

118964 likes

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#3

“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”
― Groucho Marx, The Essential Groucho: Writings For By And About Groucho Marx

tags: animals, books, dogs, friends, humor

37980 likes

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#4

“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”
― Terry Pratchett, Diggers

tags: humor, open-mind, thinking

21426 likes

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#5

“The difference between genius and stupidity is: genius has its limits.”
― Alexandre Dumas-fils

tags: misattributed-to-einstein

21525 likes

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#6

“When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: friends, humor, jail

10181 likes

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#7

“I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”
― Jerome K. Jerome

tags: humor, work

8147 likes

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#8

“I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.”
― Mae West

tags: humor, temptation

7022 likes

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#9

“Is 'fat' really the worst thing a human being can be? Is 'fat' worse than 'vindictive', 'jealous', 'shallow', 'vain', 'boring' or 'cruel'? Not to me.”
― J.K. Rowling

tags: inspirational

3883 likes

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#10

“Guys are like dogs: they never notice if you've changed your hair, but they can sense when there's another guy sniffing around their territory”
― Candace Bushnell, The Carrie Diaries

tags: carrie-bradshaw

118 likes

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#11

“Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears.”
― John Lennon

tags: happiness, timelessness, wisdom

11156 likes

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#12

“So we shall let the reader answer this question for himself: who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed?”
― Hunter S. Thompson

tags: gonzo, happiness, risk

2506 likes

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#13

“there is nothing outside of yourself that can ever enable you to get better, stronger, richer, quicker, or smarter. Everything is within. Everything exists. Seek nothing outside of yourself.”
― Miyamoto Musashi, The Book of Five Rings

778 likes

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#14

“What was that you were saying about my mother?"

"She likes big dicks." Deacon slammed him hard in the gut, knocking him to the floor. "So does your wife.”
― Mercy Celeste, The 51st Thursday

tags: trash-talking, you-got-told

4 likes

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#15

“I saw that my witticism was unperceived and quietly replaced it in the treasury of my mind.”
― Flann O'Brien, At Swim-Two-Birds

107 likes

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#16

“Fools talk, cowards are silent, wise men listen.”
― Carlos Ruiz Zafon, The Shadow of the Wind

3569 likes

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#17

“..the fields might fall to fallow and the birds might stop their song awhile; the growing things might die and lie in silence under snow, while through it all the cold sea wore its face of storms and death and sunken hopes...and yet unseen beneath the waves a warmer current ran that, in its time, would bring the spring.”
― Susanna Kearsley, The Winter Sea

58 likes

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#18

“Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”
― Mark Twain

tags: books, contentment, friends, friendship, life

47059 likes

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#19

“I ache and I think the only thing that will stop it is you f%#king me into the mattress."

"Okay, no more porn for you." Ray crawled onto the bed between Piper's thighs.

Piper snickered.”
― Jambrea Jo Jones, Rayne's Wild Ride

4 likes

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#20

“I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you've triumphed.

Somebody once said it's what you dont see you're interested in, and this is true.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: attraction, interested, men, nudity, sex, women

215 likes

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#21

“It truly amazes me how easily you delude yourself into believing I actually give a shit.-Cyrus DCCD”
― Bianca Sommerland, Deadly Captive

tags: bianca-sommerland, cyrus, deadly-captive-collateral-damage

10 likes

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#22

“I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

tags: mischief

37413 likes

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#23

“If aught must be lost, ‘twill be my honor for yours. If one must be forsaken, ‘twill be my soul for yours. Should death come anon, ‘twill be my life for yours. I am Given.”
― Karen Marie Moning, Kiss of the Highlander

tags: binding, druid, highlander, karen-marie-moning, moning, vow

598 likes

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#24

“When danger reared its ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled.”
― Graham Chapman, Monty Python and the Holy Grail (Book): Mønti Pythøn Ik Den Hølie Gräilen

tags: humor, humour, sir-robin

84 likes

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#25

“So please, oh please, we beg, we pray,
Go throw your TV set away,
And in its place you can install
A lovely bookshelf on the wall.
Then fill the shelves with lots of books.”
― Roald Dahl, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

tags: books, humor, television

6850 likes

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#26

“Love all, trust a few,
Do wrong to none: be able for thine enemy
Rather in power than use; and keep thy friend
Under thy own life's key: be check'd for silence,
But never tax'd for speech.”
― William Shakespeare, All's Well That Ends Well

tags: do-wrong, love, trust, wrong

37070 likes

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#27

“Never let the opinion of another affect your opinion of yourself.”
― Teresa Mummert

tags: insperational-thoughts, motivational, self-esteem, self-worth

144 likes

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#28

“Give a man an inch he will try to give you six in return.”
― Teresa Mummert

29 likes

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#29

“Who is this? And what is here?
And in the lighted palace near
Died the sound of royal cheer;
And they crossed themselves for fear,
All the Knights at Camelot;
But Lancelot mused a little space
He said, "She has a lovely face;
God in his mercy lend her grace,
The Lady of Shalott.”
― Alfred Tennyson

tags: alfred-tennyson, the-lady-of-shalott

25 likes

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#30

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
― Oscar Wilde

tags: attributed-no-source, be-yourself, gilbert-perreira, honesty, inspirational, misattributed-oscar-wilde, quote-investigator

176710 likes

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humor
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