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#1

“It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever," he said. "Have you thought of going into teaching?”
― Terry Pratchett, Mort

tags: discworld, humor, humour, teaching

1732 likes

#2

“You can't give her that!' she screamed. 'It's not safe!'
IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE.
'She's a child!' shouted Crumley.
IT'S EDUCATIONAL.
'What if she cuts herself?'
THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON.”
― Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

tags: children, death, discworld, hogfather, humor, humour, important-lessons, lessons, swords

380 likes

#3

“Commander, I always used to consider that you had a definite anti-authoritarian streak in you.”
“Sir?”
“It seems that you have managed to retain this even though you are authority.”
“Sir?”
“That’s practically zen.”
― Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay

tags: discworld, feet-of-clay, prachett, sam-vimes, samuel-vimes, terry-pratchett, zen

197 likes

#4

“Ankh-Morpork! Pearl of cities! This is not a completely accurate description, of course — it was not round and shiny — but even its worst enemies would agree that if you had to liken Ankh-Morpork to anything, then it might as well be a piece of rubbish covered with the diseased secretions of a dying mollusc.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic

tags: discworld

85 likes

#5

“The disc, being flat, has no real horizon. Any adventurous sailor who got funny ideas from staring at eggs and oranges for too long and set out for the antipodes soon learned that the reason why distant ships sometimes looked as though they were disappearing over the edge of the world was that they were disappearing over the edge of the world.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic

tags: discworld

81 likes

#6

“Murder was in fact a fairly uncommon event in Ankh-Morpork, but there were a lot of suicides. Walking in the night-time alleyways of The Shades was suicide. Asking for a short in a dwarf bar was suicide. Saying 'Got rocks in your head?' to a troll was suicide. You could commit suicide very easily, if you weren't careful.”
― Terry Pratchett, Men at Arms

tags: ankh-morpork, discworld, pratchett, suicide

92 likes

#7

“We're dealing here," said Vimes, "With a twisted mind."
"Oh, no! You think so?"
"Yes."
"But... no... you can't be right. Because Nobby was with us all the time."
"Not Nobby," said Vimes testily. "Whatever he might do to a dragon, I doubt if he'd make it explode. There's stranger people in this world than Corporal Nobbs, my lad."
Carrot's expression slid into a rictus of intrigued horror.
"Gosh," he said.”
― Terry Pratchett, Men at Arms: The Play

tags: ankh-morpork, arms, at, discworld, men

77 likes

#8

“Racism was not a problem on the Discworld, because—what with trolls and dwarfs and so on—speciesism was more interesting. Black and white lived in perfect harmony and ganged up on green.”
― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

tags: discworld, humour, racism, speciesism

68 likes

#9

“Look, sir, I know Angua. She's not the useless type. She doesn't stand there and scream helplessly. She makes other people do that.”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

tags: discworld, humourous

63 likes

#10

“Odd thing, ain't it... you meet people one at a time, they seem decent, they got brains that work, and then they get together and you hear the voice of the people. And it snarls.”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

tags: discworld, sam-vimes

66 likes

#11

“On the Disc the gods dealt severely with atheists.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Color of Magic

tags: atheism, discworld, gods

46 likes

#12

“The boldest of the three moved suddenly, grabbed Angua and pulled her upright. "We walk out of here unharmed or the girl gets it, all right?" he snarled.

Someone sniggered.

"I hope you're not going to kill anyone," said Carrot.

"That's up to us!"

"Sorry, was I talking to you?" said Carrot.”
― Terry Pratchett, Men at Arms

tags: discworld, humourous

49 likes

#13

“No enemies had ever taken Ankh-Morpork. Well technically they had, quite often; the city welcomed free-spending barbarian invaders, but somehow the puzzled raiders found, after a few days, that they didn't own their horses any more, and within a couple of months they were just another minority group with its own graffiti and food shops.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

tags: barbarians, comedy, discworld, fantasy

41 likes

#14

“And Tiffany knew that if a witch started thinking of anyone as "just" anything, that would be the first step on a well-worn path that could lead to, oh, to poisoned apples, spinning wheels, and a too-small stove... and to pain, and terror, and horror and the darkness.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Shepherd's Crown

tags: discworld

42 likes

#15

“What a place! What a situation! What kind of man would put a known criminal in charge of a major branch of government? Apart from, say, the average voter.”
― Terry Pratchett, Going Postal

tags: discworld

42 likes

#16

“In fact he was incurably insane and hallucinated more or less continuously, but by a remarkable stroke of lateral thinking his fellow wizards had reasoned that, in that case, the whole business could be sorted out if only they could find a formula that caused him to hallucinate that he was completely sane.*

*This is a very common hallucination, shared by most people.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth: Stage Adaptation

tags: discworld, terry-pratchett, the-bursar, the-truth

37 likes

#17

“Men marched away, Vimes. And men marched back. How glorious the battles would have been that they never had to fight!”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

tags: discworld, jingo, vetinari, vimes, war

23 likes

#18

“That just goes to show that you never know, although what it is we never know I suspect we'll never know.”
― Terry Pratchett, Snuff

tags: discworld, terry-pratchett, vimes

18 likes

#19

“Esme Weatherwax hadn't done nice. She'd done what was needed.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Shepherd's Crown

tags: discworld, granny-weatherwax

80 likes

#20

“Sybil’s female forebears had valiantly backed up their husbands as distant embassies were besieged, had given birth on a camel or in the shade of a stricken elephant, had handed around the little gold chocolates while trolls were trying to break into the compound, or had merely stayed at home and nursed such bits of husbands and sons as made it back from endless little wars. The result was a species of woman who, when duty called, turned into solid steel.”
― Terry Pratchett, Thud!

tags: badass, discworld, sybil-vimes, wife, woman, women

45 likes

#21

“Well, you know Esme. She wasn't one for that kind of thing - never one to push herself forward*

* She hadn't ever needed to. Granny Weatherwax was like the prow of a ship. Seas parted when she turned up.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Shepherd's Crown

tags: discworld, granny-weatherwax

37 likes

#22

“Tiffany knew what the problem was immediately. She'd seen it before, at
birthday parties. Her brother was suffering from tragic sweet
deprivation. Yes, he was surrounded by sweets. But the moment he took any
sweet at all, said his sugar-addled brain, that meant he was not taking
all the rest. And there were so many sweets he'd never be able to eat
them all. It was too much to cope with. The only solution was to burst
into tears.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Wee Free Men

30 likes

#23

“A dollar for a human bought a loaf of bread that was eaten in a few bites. The same dollar for Wee Mad Arthur bought the same-sized loaf, but it was food for a week and could then be further hollowed out and used as a bedroom.”
― Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay

tags: discworld, feet-of-clay, wee-mad-arthur

11 likes

#24

“He was trying to conjure up a succubus." It should be impossible to leer when all you've got is a beak, but the parrot managed it. "That's a female demon what comes in the night and makes mad passionate wossn-"
"I've heard of them," said Rincewind. "Bloody dangerous things."
The parrot put its head on one side. "It never worked. All he ever got was a neuralger."
"What's that?"
"It's a demon that comes and has a headache at you.”
― Terry Pratchett

tags: demon, discworld, humor

11 likes

#25

“A banker? Me?"
"Yes, Mr. Lipwig."
"But I don't know anything about running a bank!"
"Good. No preconceived ideas."
"I've robbed banks!"
"Capital! Just reverse your thinking," said Lord Vetinari, beaming. "The money should be on the inside.”
― Terry Pratchett, Making Money

tags: discworld, making-money, moist-von-lipwig, terry-pratchett

22 likes

#26

“There was silence in the square, except for the sound of several thousand people being astonished.”
― Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times

tags: discworld, excellent-writing, humor

4 likes

#27

“If you're going to suggest I try dropping twenty feet down a pitch dark tower in the hope of hitting a couple of greasy little steps which might not even still be there, you can forget it," said Rincewind sharply.

"There is an alternative, then."

"Out with it, man."

"You could drop five hundred feet down a pitch black tower and hit stones which certainly are there," said Twoflower.”
― Terry Pratchett

tags: discworld, funny, humor

2 likes

#28

“You had to find the truth for yourself. That is how we all find the truth.'

' And if the truth is terrible?'

'I think you know the answer to that one, Nutt,' said the voice of Ladyship.

'The answer is that, terrible or not, it is still the truth,' said Nutt.

'And then?' said her voice, like a teacher encouraging a promising pupil.

'And then the truth can be changed,' said Nutt.”
― Terry Pratchett, Unseen Academicals

tags: discworld, insight, truth

1 likes

#29

“Nanny Ogg usually went to bed early. After all, she was an old lady. Sometimes she went to bed as early as 6 a.m.”
― Terry Pratchett, Maskerade

tags: discworld, maskerade, nanny-ogg, pratchett, terry-pratchett

26 likes

#30

“Shoot the dictator and prevent the war? But the dictator is merely the tip of the whole festering boil of social pus from which dictators emerge; shoot one, and there’ll be another one along in a minute. Shoot him too? Why not shoot everyone and invade Poland? In fifty years’, thirty years’, ten years’ time the world will be very nearly back on its old course. History always has a great weight of inertia.”
― Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies

tags: comedy, discworld, fantasy, humor, lords-and-ladies, politics, terry-pratchett

14 likes

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