Caz Malpas > Caz's Quotes

“I’d rather shit on my hands and clap.”
― Belle Aurora, Friend-Zoned

“A friend said to me, “Hey you need to grow a pair. Grow a pair, Bro.” It’s when someone calls you weak, but they associate it with a lack of testicles. Which is weird, because testicles are the most sensitive things in the world. If you suddenly just grew a pair, you’d be a lot more vulnerable. If you want to be tough, you should lose a pair. If you want to be real tough, you should grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.”
― Sheng Wang

“I'm not holding you against your will; I'm holding you against your car.”
― Linda Howard, Mr. Perfect

“You buy me sheets. You paint my room. What's next? You gonna wash my balls?" -Tate”
― Kristen Ashley, Sweet Dreams

“Water? At a wedding? I don’t understand,” he asks in confusion. “Did you invite Jesus? That’s the only way that will be acceptable.”
― Tara Sivec, Futures and Frosting

“Fuck off, Beyoncé. There’s no such thing as angels. No one wears a halo. And if they do it’s only to disguise the pointed horns that sit atop their heads.”
― Belle Aurora, Friend-Zoned

“I moaned like a whore in church.
To be fair, I’d never actually heard a whore moan in church, but I had a feeling it sounded a lot like the unholy sounds pouring forth from my mouth.”
― Alice Clayton, Wallbanger

“Real men are the ones who go to sleep next to you at night, wake up next to you in the morning and hold you in their hearts all the hours in between.”
― Paula Marinaro, Game Changer

“I got shagged in Santa Barbara, and all I got was this fantastic orgasm.”
― Alice Clayton, The Unidentified Redhead

“And a fire in the fireplace? Wow, that’s impressive.” I continued, walking backwards into the room.
“Yeah, I saw it in a book about how to woo women… apparently you all like to be boinked in front of a roaring fire.”
― Alice Clayton, The Unidentified Redhead

“So, how is the British invasion going? Has he invaded your hoohah yet?”
― Alice Clayton, The Unidentified Redhead

“Well fuck me gently with a chainsaw,”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“Pussy punch: when a twat tap just isn't enough”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“I quickly tried to do the math but my brain was a jumbled mess and I couldn’t remember what number comes after potato!”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“Your tits are like Bounty. The quicker dick picker upper.”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“Aaarrggg, ahoy me matey, thars a great grand vagina over yonder." Penises talk like pirates when I'm drunk.”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“Fuck that person. Fuck them in the face.

With a cabbage.”
― Julio-Alexi Genao

“When the officer approached the window, he said ‘Papers’ and before he could finish, I shouted, ‘Scissors! I win,’ and drove off.”
― Kyle Adams, Dirty Cop

“hornier than a bunny on ecstasy”
― Kyle Adams, Dirty Play

“Meet my future. Her name is Bianca. Come to terms with it. My advice would be to get on her good side.”
― R.K. Lilley, Mile High

“Ask me if I sparkle and I’ll kill you where you stand.” (Bones)”
― Jeaniene Frost, This Side of the Grave

“Well-behaved women seldom make history.”
― Laurel Thatcher Ulrich, Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History

“Baby," I said, "I'm a genius but nobody knows it but me.”
― Charles Bukowski, Factotum

“Eating and reading are two pleasures that combine admirably.”
― C.S. Lewis

“I don't want to sleep with you, Pidge. I like you too much.”
― Jamie McGuire, Beautiful Disaster

“His body was sin, his cock was sin, and I was a sinner." ~ Delilah”
― K.I. Lynn, Breach

“For her I bend, for you I break.”
― Colleen Hoover, Maybe Someday

“I failed miserably at trying not to fall in love with you.
…
I failed first.”
― Colleen Hoover, Maybe Someday

“Never trust people who smile constantly. They're either selling something or not very bright.”
― Laurell K. Hamilton, Burnt Offerings

“You can’t tell me
what to do anymore, Travis! I don’t belong to you!”
In the second it took him to turn and face me, his
expression had contorted into anger. He stomped toward
me, planting his hands on the bed and leaning into my face.
“WELL I BELONG TO YOU!” The veins in his neck
bulged as he shouted, and I met his glare, refusing to even
flinch. He looked at my lips, panting. “I belong to you.”
― Jamie McGuire, Beautiful Disaster