Loavocado > Loavocado's Quotes

“Hello, I'm Dr. Stupid. I'm going to take out your liver bones. Oops, you're dead.

I never liked that Dr. Stupid.”
― Matt Groening

“Hi, I'm Troy McClure, You might remember me from such films as Lead Paint, Delicious But Deadly and Here Comes The Metric System”
― Matt Groening

“Goddammit Donut!”
― Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl

“Cats don't drink cocktails,' I said.

'Cats don't shoot lasers from their eyes, either, but here we are, Carl. Mama needs a night off.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“Question: What’s the only thing standing between an innocent child and a happy, fulfilling life? Answer: You. The answer is you.”
― Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl

“The baby velociraptor settled into my lap. I suddenly felt uncomfortable having that many teeth so close to my crotch. If he bit me now, I didn’t know what would happen.”
― Matt Dinniman , Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“So help me god,” I said. “I will abandon you right here and right now if you choose to take up the kazoo.”
― Matt Dinniman, Carl's Doomsday Scenario

“Did... did you just rip your dick off and throw it at me?”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“Did we really just start a meth war between the goblins and the llamas?”
― Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl

“Spoiler alert. Nobody is going to read your autobiography disguised as a space vampire and minotaur romance. You and every other half-wit out there with a nearby Starbucks and a laptop is writing the same bile. What you’re really doing is inadvertently live-blogging the story of human mediocrity,”
― Matt Dinniman, The Gate of the Feral Gods

“Reward: I SAID THE GHOST OF STEVE IRWIN SMILES DOWN UPON YOU.”
― Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl

“I mean, really. I can’t be held accountable for everything I’ve ever said to a stripper.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“The last time the walls shook like this was when your mom came over for a visit.”
― Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl

“Wait for my signal this time or you won’t be allowed to go to the party.” “I will kill your mother.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Butcher's Masquerade

“Totem Card. HeyZoos. Uzi Jesus.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

“You’ve been hit on twice now,” Donut said. “Once by a meth-addled goblin shaman and once by Abraham Lincoln’s grandmother. I can’t wait to see who you attract next. Five gold coins says it’s some sort of bog witch with a beard.”
― Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl

“This one was filled with floating brains with tentacles tangling under them. They looked like jellyfish. They were called “Mind Horrors,”
― Matt Dinniman, Dungeon Crawler Carl

“When we have dominion over nature, it is not ours, either. It belongs to God, and we are to exercise our dominion over these things not as though entitled to exploit them, but as things borrowed or held in trust, which we are to use realizing that they are not ours intrinsically.”
― S.J. Morden, Gallowglass