Simpsons Quotes

“I know all those words, but that sentence makes no sense to me.”
― Matt Groening

“Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.”
― Matt Groening, The Big Book of Hell

“Of course I’ve gone mad with power! Have you ever tried going mad without power? It’s boring and no one listens to you!
— Russ Cargill”
― Matt Groening

“I used to be with ‘it’, but then they changed what ‘it’ was. Now what I’m with isn’t ‘it’ anymore and what’s ‘it’ seems weird and scary. It’ll happen to you!
Grandpa Simpson”
― Abe Simpson

“Alice is fictional. This isn't.”
― Jess C. Scott, Zombie Mania: A Zombie Apocalypse Parody

“But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.”
― Homer Simpson

“Books are useless! I only ever read one book, To Kill A Mockingbird, and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! - Homer Simpson”
― Matt Groening

“Trying is the first step towards failure". - Homer Simpson”
― Homer Simpson

“That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough! I'm going to clown college.”
― Homer Simpson

“Playing the maze game on Microsoft Encarta, downloading Simpsons episodes on IRC, geocities and angelfire websites so shitty it was beyond hilarious, violent stick figure animations made with Macromedia Flash on StickDeath, StickSuicide and SFDT, no moderation on forums, what was a place for elitists and sophisticated outcasts primarily from western countries became streamlined starting with kids getting cellphones around 2000 and texting each other on a keypad that wasn't made for it. By 2003 or 4 hardly any kids went outside during summer.”
― stained hanes, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“Why don't those stupid idiots let me in their crappy club for jerks?”
― Homer Simpson

“SIMPSONS BLUFFER'S RULE #2
The competent bluffer should always refer to the performers who play The Simpsons as 'the voice talent' never 'actors'.
For extra effect, drop their first names... This implies some tacit familiarity and your bluffee will simply melt before your eyes like the witch in The Wizard of Oz”
― Paul Couch, The Bluffer's Guide to The Simpsons

“Lisa: Well, where's my Dad?

Professor Frink: Well, that should be obvious to even the most dimwitted individual who holds an advanced degree in hyperbolic topology that Homer Simpson has stumbled into...the third dimension.”
― John Swartzwelder

“... Old neighbors viewed each other strangely, and as strangers,'" I said softly to myself.
From behind me, Conner laughed. "If anyone is acting strangely here, it's you. This is a real '"'Tis," replied Aunt Helga' moment you're in."
I'd been quoting Truman Capote's classic In Cold Blood; trust my brother to answer with a reference to one of our favorite Simpsons episodes when we were kids.”
― Alicia Thompson, Love in the Time of Serial Killers

“and if you think God or fate, fortune or
any assortment of sentimental
somesuch rescued you oh my delightful
little charmer, what a savage surprise
is the rest of your life going to be”
― Anne Washburn, Mr. Burns, a Post-Electric Play

“and if you think God or fate, fortune or
any assortment of sentimental
somesuch rescued you oh my delightful
little charmer, what a savage surprise
is the rest of your life going to be”
― Anne Washburn, Mr. Burns, a Post-Electric Play

“Town Crier. I'd like to ask you a few questions. One: where's the fife, and two: give me the fife.”
― Homer Simpson

“Hello, I'm Dr. Stupid. I'm going to take out your liver bones. Oops, you're dead.

I never liked that Dr. Stupid.”
― Matt Groening

“On another wall was a sign that said 'DO IT TOMORROW'. I got it cheap because it's bad advice.”
― John Swartzwelder, The Time Machine Did It

“When they drew their guns and started to shoot, I ducked behind Abe Lincoln. Now, I know what you’re going to say: faux pas. I won’t deny it .”
― John Swartzwelder, The Time Machine Did It