Homer Simpson Quotes

“I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman.

Homer Simpson”
― Matt Groening

“When will people learn? Democracy doesn't work!"

(Homer Simpson)”
― Matt Groening

“[Ned Flanders]: Well looks like someone's having a pre-rapture party.

[Homer Simpson]: No, Flanders. Its a meeting of gay witches for abortion, you wouldn't be interested.”
― Matt Groening

“I'd be vegetarian if bacon grew on trees”
― Homer Simpson

“You see, Marriage is like a Coffin, and each Kid is another Nail.”
― Matt Groening

“There’s three ways to do things. The right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way!

“Isn’t that the wrong way?”

“Yeah, but faster.”
― Max Power

“Trying is the first step towards failure". - Homer Simpson”
― Homer Simpson

“Why don't those stupid idiots let me in their crappy club for jerks?”
― Homer Simpson

“Heehee. Look at this country. 'You are gay.”
― Homer Simpson

“When will you people learn? In America we stopped using corporal punishment and things have never been better. The streets are safe, old people strut confidently through the darkest alleys and the weak and nerdy are admired for their computer programming abilities. So, like us, let your children run wild and free, for as the old saying goes, 'Let your children run wild and free.”
― Homer Simpson

“In the States, the best ones I've ever eaten were at Bedford Street Bakery, in Brooklyn."
"I heard the pastry chef at Qui raving about that place. The woman who runs it is Kiwi, right?"
"Yeah. She bakes these beautiful seasonal pastries. I was there around this time four years ago, and there was one with apricots, crème pâtissière, and toasted almonds, and it was just gorgeous." Her shoulders dropped, and her mouth went slack remembering the pleasure.
I pressed myself back into the hard bench to hold off the wave of horniness that crashed over me. Jesus, Kieran, get a grip. "That was a quality Homer Simpson drooling noise," I said. Jokes were safe. Jokes meant I wasn't turned on.”
― Sarah Chamberlain, The Slowest Burn