“She faced her pretend Arin. His scar was healed. His gray eyes were startlingly clear. “You’re not real,” she reminded him.
“I
feel real.” He brushed one finger across her lower lip. It suddenly seemed that there were no clouds in the sky, and that she sat in full sunshine. “
You feel real,” he said.
The puppy yawned, her jaws closing with a snap. The sound brought Kestrel to herself. She felt a little embarrassed. Her pulse was high. But she couldn’t stop pretending.
Kestrel reached beneath her skirts to pull down a knee-high stocking.
Arin made a sound.
“I want to feel the grass beneath my feet,” Kestrel told him.
“Someone’s going to see you.”
“I don’t care.”
“But that someone is
me, and you should have a care, Kestrel, for my poor heart.” He reached under the hem of her dress to catch her hand in the act of pulling down the second stocking. “You’re treating me quite badly,” he said, and slid the stocking free, his palm skimming along the path of her calf. He looked at her. His hand wrapped around her bare ankle. Kestrel became shy…though she had known full well what she was doing.
Arin grinned. With his free hand, he plucked a blade of grass. He tickled it against the sole of her foot. She laughed, jerking away.
He let her go. He settled down beside her, lying on his stomach on the grass, propped up by his elbow. Kestrel lay on her back. She heard birdsong: high and long, with a trill at the end. She gazed up at the sky. It was blue enough for summer.
“Perfect,” she said.
“Almost.”
She turned to look at him, and he was already looking at her. “I’m going to miss you when I wake up,” she whispered, because she realized that she must have fallen asleep under the sun. Arin was too real for her imagination. He was a dream.
“Don’t wake up,” he said.
The air smelled like new leaves. “You said you trusted me.”
“I did.” He added, “I do.”
“You
are a dream.”
He smiled.
“I lied to you,” Kestrel said. “I kept secrets. I thought it was for the best. But it was because
I didn’t trust
you.”
Arin shifted onto his side. He caressed her cheek lightly with the back of his hand. That trailing sensation felt like the last note of the bird’s song. “No,” he agreed, his voice gentle. “You didn’t.”
Kestrel woke. The puppy was draped across her feet, sleeping. Her stockings lay in a small heap beside her. The sun had climbed in the sky. Her cheek was flushed, the skin tight: a little sunburned.
The puppy twitched, still lost in sleep. Kestrel envied her. She rested her head again on the grass.
She closed her eyes, and tried to find her way back into her dream.”
―
Marie Rutkoski,
The Winner's Crime