Chris > Chris's Quotes

“we all collide”
― J.R. Lenk, Collide

“How is that weird?” Dark the First asked incredulously. “Literally everyone does it. Literally.”
“I really wish you’d stop saying literally,” Dark the Second said. “I literally don’t think you understand what that word means.”
― T.J. Klune, The Lightning-Struck Heart

“You know what they say, once you go dragon, all the rest is just laggin’.”
“No one says that,” I said. “Absolutely no one.”
― T.J. Klune, The Lightning-Struck Heart

“Or not,” I said as I ground my teeth. “I like to masticate by myself.” “And you’re so good at it,” Gary said. “The up and down motions of your… jaw. And then, upon completion, you swallow. Right, Sam? You swallow, don’t you?” “Of course I do,” I said, confused. What the hell were we talking about now? “I always swallow when I finish. What am I supposed to do? Spit it back out?”
― T.J. Klune, The Lightning-Struck Heart

“I like you,” Gary finally said in a low voice.
“Thank you? I thought you already did.”
“No. Like, I really like you. Before, I was just pretending. I actually think I almost despised you. But now I don’t.”
“You almost despised me.”
“Almost.”
“And now you don’t.”
“Now I don’t.”
“Because….”
Gary breathed more on his face, nostrils flaring. Then (finally), “Unicorns are fickle creatures. I don’t need a reason to change my mind. It’s been done and you should just accept it and be thankful I no longer plot to murder you in your sleep.”
“Testify,” Tiggy said.
“So now you have affection for me,” Ryan said, “and you—”
“I didn’t say affection. I said I liked you, not that I’m ready to pick out curtains. Gods. Calm the fuck down. You’re engaged to be married. I will not be your dirty little secret. I am a strong, independent unicorn, and I will not take your shit.”
― T.J. Klune, The Lightning-Struck Heart

“You’re a talking unicorn,” I said. “Sometimes when you poop, it comes out as rainbows and smells like cookies. There is nothing subtle about you.”
― T.J. Klune, The Lightning-Struck Heart

“I’m sorry I made an oath. I did it because I thought it was the right thing to do. And I’m sorry that I can’t break it. But you have to believe me that it’s always been you. I promise. I promise." His voice cracked and my hands shook. "I promise, because when I look upon these stars, there is nothing I wish for more than you.”
― T.J. Klune, The Lightning-Struck Heart

“You just have to believe,” I said as I flexed.
“I believe you should work out more if you’re going to keep doing that,” Gary said. “Because it’s making me feel sad for you.”
― T.J. Klune, The Lightning-Struck Heart

“Please let it be known that from this day forward my working title for the business is now 'Queen of the Fuck Palace!”
― T.J. Klune, The Lightning-Struck Heart

“found out I really hated dancing with strangers who were trying to get up in my business, so I filled in the silence with vivid descriptions of how we’d have at least ten kids and that I knew a spell that would allow us to get pregnant so we could take turns just popping out the ass babies. I’m pretty sure a couple of them all but ran by the time we’d finished. I waved after them.”
― T.J. Klune, The Lightning-Struck Heart

“You okay, Sam?”
“Ha-ha, why wouldn’t I be? Everything is peachy! I’m okay. I’m better than okay.”
“Okay. I only ask because you haven’t stopped staring at me for the last four hours.”
“You lie with all your lies!”
― T.J. Klune, The Lightning-Struck Heart

“Gary, why Sam sweating?”
“Well you see, my dear Tiggy. When a boy loves another boy very much, it makes him awkward and have feelings in his penis and mmmphh!”
“Sam, why you use magic and glue Gary’s mouth shut?”
“Is that what that was? Gosh! I just thought I was singing to myself!”
“MMMMPH!”
― T.J. Klune, The Lightning-Struck Heart

“I winked at myself in the mirror and then realized that’s what douchebags did, so I vowed to never do it again. I”
― T.J. Klune, The Lightning-Struck Heart

“You just stay in there, you uncooperative fuckers. This is why they have stores, so we don’t have to make our own clothes like some damn sheep farming craft bitch.”
― Alexa Land, The Distance