Insert Name > Insert's Quotes

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  • #1
    “But I think the first real change in women’s body image came when JLo turned it butt-style. That was the first time that having a large-scale situation in the back was part of mainstream American beauty. Girls wanted butts now. Men were free to admit that they had always enjoyed them. And then, what felt like moments later, boom—Beyoncé brought the leg meat. A back porch and thick muscular legs were now widely admired. And from that day forward, women embraced their diversity and realized that all shapes and sizes are beautiful. Ah ha ha. No. I’m totally messing with you. All Beyonce and JLo have done is add to the laundry list of attributes women must have to qualify as beautiful. Now every girl is expected to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.”
    Tina Fey, Bossypants

  • #2
    “Now every girl is expected to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.”
    Tina Fey, Bossypants

  • #3
    Celia Rivenbark
    “Scientists say that...gender bending may keep fish from reproducing because, with so many in sexual limbo, there's just no real push to procreate.

    Oh, if only deer, squirrels, and Kardashians would acquire this particular affliction. I'm just kidding. I don't really have anything against deer. Or squirrels.”
    Celia Rivenbark, You Don't Sweat Much for a Fat Girl: Observations on Life from the Shallow End of the Pool

  • #4
    John  Goode
    “Really?” he said, the anger in his voice growing. I was about to answer when he left the booth and walked over to the counter. He flipped through a stack of magazines to read while-you-waited, grabbed one, and strode back to me. “Spike had found some of these in the house where we were,” he explained as he opened a People magazine to a picture of Brad Pitt. “So this man must have cured a disease or is a mighty warrior to command ten million dollars a movie. A movie is one of the frozen plays such as we saw yesterday, correct?” I nodded, although I’m not sure he noticed, since he kept on talking. “I am assuming that ten million dollars is a lot of money, but I haven’t quite figured out your currency system yet. Forgive me if I am incorrect. But if what I read is correct, this man makes an exorbitant sum of money for doing nothing more than being handsome. How is that different?” Before I could answer he flipped the page to a picture of Angelia Jolie. “It says this woman commands the same amount of money, so together they must be like a king and queen. Am I right? And while we are at it, please tell me what a Kardashian is.”

    “I wish I knew.” I mumbled.”
    John Goode, Distant Rumblings

  • #5
    “What's Walmart, do they sell like wall stuff?”
    Paris Hilton

  • #6
    “Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything.”
    Paris Hilton

  • #7
    “I used to act dumb. It was an act. I am 26 years old, and that act is no longer cute. It is not who I am, nor do I want to be that person for the young girls who looked up to me. I know now that I can make a difference, that I have the power to do that. I have been thinking that I want to do different things when I am out of here. I have become much more spiritual. God has given me this new chance.”
    Paris Hilton

  • #8
    “This is Earth. Isn't it hot?”
    paris hilton

  • #9
    “I get to go to overseas places, like Canada.”
    Britney Spears

  • #10
    Justin Bieber
    “If i can do just one tenth of the good
    Michael Jackson did for others, i can really make a difference in this world”
    justin bieber, First Step 2 Forever

  • #11
    Jamie McGuire
    “You don’t think it’ too short? Mariah Carey shows less skin.”
    Jamie McGuire, Beautiful Disaster

  • #12
    PewDiePie
    “Yellow is evil, so don't drink your piss”
    PewDiePie

  • #13
    PewDiePie
    “Don't you dare die on me,Bob! I'll freakin' kill you if you die!”
    Pewdiepie

  • #14
    PewDiePie
    “It's not called being gay, it's called being fabulous!”
    PewDiePie

  • #15
    PewDiePie
    “Don't be a salad, be the best damn broccoli you could ever be.”
    PewDiePie



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