Kolton > Kolton's Quotes

“Jeff: The drive from the valley?
Peanut: Was bad as hell!
Jeff: Traffic?
Peanut: Sucked like hell!
Jeff: Drivers?
Peanut: Angry as hell!
Jeff: And you?
Peanut: Were scared as hell!
Jeff: Parking?
Peanut: Sucked more like hell!
Jeff: So?
Peanut: We're in hell! ”
― Jeff Dunham

“So Achmed if you've been in my suitcase this entire time how have you been getting through security? Oh thats easy they open the suitcase and i say 'ello my name is lindey lohan!”
― Jeff Dunham

“Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Knock, knock.
Jeff Dunham: Who's there?
Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Me, I kill you!”
― Jeff Dunham

“Jeff: You know, you don't have to do this.
Walter: Yeah, I could get a real job.
Jeff: What would you do?
Walter: I wanna be a greeter at Wal-Mart.
Walter: What the hell's so funny?
Jeff: At Wal-Mart, what would be your opening line?
Walter: Oh.
Walter: Welcome to Wal-Mart. Get your shit and get out!
Walter: Have a nice day!”
― Jeff Dunham

“Jeff: I understand you guys had a good day today?
Peanut: Yes we had a great day!
Jose: No we did not.
Peanut: Yes
Jose: No
Peanut: Yes
Jose: No
Peanut: Yes
Jose: No we did not have a good day.
Peanut: Yes we hhhaad...a great frickin' day!
What?
Jeff: Did you have a good day?
Peanut: Yes
Jose: No
Peanut: Shut up
Jeff: A good day?
Peanut: Yes
Jose: No
Peanut: Shut up
Jeff: You're supposed to have taken him to the spa.
Peanut: I took him to the spa!
Jose: He put me in the vegetable steamer.
Peanut: It's the same thing!!!”
― Jeff Dunham

“Jeff: There's a lot of history in this city...
Peanut: Translated: Old. As. Shit. ”
― Jeff Dunham

“WHAT! WE CANT TALK AT THE SAME TIME! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk, WE CAN'T DO IT! Peanut. WHAT! You said my name wrong. No it's Jeff Dun-ham. No it's dunham, No dun-ham. No dunha. No you see it says dunham jeff dun-HAM. Actually if you look at it, it say jef f dunham .com ”
― Jeff Dunham

“Jef-f, Dun-Ham, dot com!!”
― Jeff Dunham

“Jeff-did you guys have a good day?
Jose-no
Jeff-why
Jose-he got my stick jammed in the car door
Jeff-what?did you say sorry
Jose- no
Jeff- why didn't you say sorry
Jose- cause he couldn't breath
Jeff-why couldn't he breath
Jose- cause he was laughing to hard”
― Jeff Dunham

“Silence! I kill you!”
― Jeff Dunham