Laura > Laura's Quotes

“When alone in a dark forest waiting for an audience with an evil god, the most prudent course of action is to be quiet and wait. ‘Prudent’ wasn’t one of my favourite words.
“Hello? I’ve come to borrow a cup of sugar. Anybody? Perhaps there is an old woman with a house made of candy who could help me?”
“Marrying for love isn’t wise.”
The voice came from somewhere to the left. Melodious, but not soft, definitely female and charged with a promise of hidden power. Something told me that hearing her scream would end very badly for me.
I stopped and pivoted toward the voice.
“Marry for safety. Marry for power. But only fools marry for love.”
When a strange voice talks to you in the black woods, only idiots answer.
I was that idiot. “Thank you, counsellor. How much do I owe you for this session?”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Binds

“Hi. And what kind of screwed-up beastie would you be?”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Burns

“You know anything about investigative work?"
"Sure. Annoy the people involved until the guilt party tries to make you go away.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bites

“I would try being friends with her, but she's too busy being a smartass."

"Now you know how the rest of us feel," Jim said.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Binds

“Saiman reached into the trunk and pulled out a pink tulle tutu.
“No.”
“Yes.”
“It won’t fit.”
“Elastic waistband,” Saiman said. “It will fit.” Curran’s grin was pure evil.
“Don’t you dare,” I told him.
“It’s too bad the magic is up,” he said. “I’d take pictures.”
“Shut up.”
“Have no fear, Alpha,” Ascanio said. “We’ll tell no one.”
Kill me, somebody.
Saiman held out the tulle skirt to me.
“Maybe it will work without it.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“If I put this on, it will be ridiculous.”
Saiman waved the pink tutu in front of me. Fine. I snatched it out of his hands and pulled it on over my hips.
Ascanio collapsed into a moaning heap of laughter.
“Now what?”
“Move around onstage. It would help if you danced.”
Curran was dying. That was the only rational explanation for the noises coming from his direction.”
― Ilona Andrews

“The skull sat on top of an old Stop sign. Someone had painted the surface of the octagon white and written KEEP OUT across it in large jagged letters. A reddish-brown splatter stained the bottom edge, looking suspiciously like dried blood. I leaned closer. Yep, blood. Some hair, too. Human hair.
Curran frowned at the sign. “Do you think he’s trying to tell us something?”
“I don’t know. He’s being so subtle about it.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bites

“Have you called the alphas?"

"Yes."

"The rats, too?"

He bristled. "What about the rats?"

"They think you're hiding information from them"

"I hide information from everyone. Do they think they're special?”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Breaks

“Because that's what it would catch in the wild, a boar, right? I can't wait to see a pack of bunnycats take down a wild hog with those short tiny legs. Wouldn't the boar be surprised?"
Everybody was a comedian.
"May be if I oink loud enough, it'll leap across the beam and try to devour me.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Breaks

“A massive beast dashed along the mountain apex.
Astamur reached for his rifle. “A demon?”
“No, not a demon.” I might have preferred one . “That’s my boyfriend.”
Atsany and the shepherd turned to look at me. “Boyfriend?” Astamur said.
Curran saw us. He paused on a stone crag and roared. The raw declaration of strength cracked through the mountains, rolling down the cliffs like a rockslide. “Yep. Don’t worry. He’s harmless.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Rises

“A shadow crossed Andrea's face. "I don't want to be his TWT-IHFB." "What does that mean?" "That Weird Thing I Haven't Fucked Before." I choked.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Strikes

“Kate stood by the door with her arms crossed.
That was an anti-Curran pose. What the hell was the Beast Lord doing here?
I padded to the door.
“First, you didn’t come home.” Curran’s voice held zero humor. “Second, I’m told that my mate is lingering in Raphael’s house. There can’t be any good reason for you to be here.”
“Are you spying on me, Your Furriness?” Kate asked.”
― Ilona Andrews, Gunmetal Magic

“Kate leaned back against her chair. "Where is the bane of my existence?"
"In the shower, freshening up."
"Oh, God, who did Asciano screw now?"
"No, no, he's covered in blood."
"Oh good." She sighed and stopped. "The kid is covered in blood and we're relieved. There is something wrong with us.”
― Ilona Andrews, Gunmetal Magic

“Please relay my greetings to the Beast Lord," I said. "I appreciate his willingness to alter his extremely busy schedule and make and appearance."
Curran show no emotion. No gloating, no anger, nothing at all. Jim looked at me, looked at Curran, looked back at me again. "Kate says hi," he said finally.
"I'm ecstatic," Curran said.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“Beautiful I would never be. Striking, that I could manage.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bites

“The last time Assistant Principal Parker called, a girl in the school's locker room had accused Julie of being a whore during the two years she'd spent on the street. My kid took exception to that and decided to communicate that by applying a chair to the offending party's head. I'd told her to go for the gut next time- it left less evidence.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Slays

“The door swung open and Kate walked in. Her jeans and T-shirt were splattered with blood and she was carrying a severed vampire head. The T-shirt has a smiley face on it.”
― Ilona Andrews, Gunmetal Magic

“The stairs ended. I wished I knew the jackass who’d made the staircase so short. I’d throw him down the damn steps so he could count them with his head.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“Kate? What the hell are you doing here?"
"I live here."
"Why?"
"Because I'm with him now."
Dagfinn looked at Curran. "You and her are...?"
"She's my mate," Curran said.
Dagfinn swung his axe onto his shoulder. The runes sparked with pale green. "Well, how about that? You know what, I don't care, I'll still beat your ass, but I like her so I won't kill you."
Curran's eyes turned gold. "Thanks.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Gifts

“So. You refuse my money, you serve me thirty-year-old Highland Park scotch, and we've been in the same room for approximately five minutes, yet none of my bones are broken. This leads me to believe that your back is against the wall and you desperately need me for something. I'm dying to know what that is.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Rises

“There are only two things that can screw this up for us: you and me."
"Then we're doomed for sure.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“She crouched with her hand out. What the hell was she doing… "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty." Oh my God, she was retarded and I was going to kill Jim. She blinked and stared at me. She'd seen my eyes glow. I let go, shifting in the dark into my true form in the dark. If you want a Kitty, little girl, I'll give you one you'll never forget. I stepped into the moonlight. She froze. That's right. No sudden moves. I padded toward her slowly and circled her allowing her take it all in. Do you like the kitty now? I could smell her surprise and fear. Our gazes met. Her eyes went wide and then she fell on her ass. Heh. A bow would have been sufficient.”
― Ilona Andrews, Curran

“Somewhere in that database my name sat in its own little niche, the name of a reject, undisciplined and worthless. Just the way I liked it.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bites

“His beard was nonexistent, except for a carefully trimmed goatee that met his mustache on both sides of his mouth.

The overall effect was decidedly villainous. He needed a black horse and a barbarian horde to lead. That or a crew of cutthroats, a ship with blood-red sails, and some knucklehead heroine to lust after.

“Look, I’ve had a bad day. How about you just walk away from my Jeep?”
The volhv smiled wider, flashing even white teeth.

If he started stroking his beard, I’d have to kill him on principle.“He raised his hand to his goatee.
That does it.
“Yeah. And what’s with the beard and the horse mane? You look like Rent-a-Villain.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Slays

“Kate& Derek


“No, Kate, you don’t understand. He vanished. He was there one moment and then he was gone.”

I couldn’t resist. “Like a ninja. In a puff of smoke.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Burns

“What did you tell them?”
“I don't recall. I think I mentioned your discipline and ability to follow orders. I may have said something about you being a team player.”
Derek emitted a strangled cough.
“Why?” I demanded.
“It seemed like a good idea at the time.” Curran resumed hammering.
“I'm sorry,” I said into the phone, sticking me finger into my other ear so I could hear. “His Majesty tends to exaggerate things. I'm not a team player. I'm undisciplined and I have a problem with authority. Also, the Beast Lord can't hammer for shit.”
On the roof Derek was laughing his head off.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bites

“Avery: "So I've been doing some thinking."
Cam: "Oh God."
Avery: "Shut up.”
― J. Lynn, Wait for You

“The Notebook? You own The Notebook?"
Cam stared at me blankly. "What's wrong with that?"
"Oh, nothing is wrong with that. It's just such a...uh, chick flick."
"I'm confident enough in my masculinity and sexuality that I can say that Ryan Gosling is just dreamy in this movie."
My jaw hit the floor.
The blank expression slipped away and he started laughing. "I'm joking. I don't own The Notebook. Never watched it. Didn't bring any romance movies.”
― J. Lynn, Wait for You

“They really are something else together."

"Something else? That's the nice way of saying they're bat shit crazy."

"Hey! You listen here, woman."

"You can listen to my foot up your ass if you call me woman again. And you can take that to court.”
― J. Lynn, Wait for You

“Something else?" She huffed as she pushed from the table, grabbing her husband's empty coffee cup. "That's the nice way of saying they're bat shit crazy."
"Hey!" Mr Hamilton's head whipped around, eyes dancing. "You listen here, woman."
"You can listen to my foot up your ass if you call me woman again." Mrs Hamilton refilled the cup and reached for the sugar. "And you can take that to court."
Cam sighed and lowered his head.
I smothered my giggle with my hand.”
― J. Lynn, Wait for You

“I've never watched The Notebook either. Not big on romance flicks," I admitted, opening the huge cartons.
"Really? I thought every girl has seen that movie and can quote it at a drop of a hat.”
― J. Lynn, Wait for You