Pynche > Pynche's Quotes

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#1

“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”
― Oscar Wilde, The Happy Prince and Other Stories

tags: intelligence, self-deprecation

71690 likes

#2

“If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.”
― George Carlin, Napalm & Silly Putty

tags: humanity, humor, humour, perspective, philosophie

1001 likes

#3

“Sometimes you know you've got a chance with a girl because she wants to fight with you. If the world wasn't so messed up, it wouldn't be like that. If the world was normal, a girl being nice to you would be a good sign, but in the real world, it isn't.”
― Nick Hornby

tags: humour, love, romance

339 likes

#4

“Everybody does have a book in them, but in most cases that's where it should stay.”
― Christopher Hitchens

tags: books, christopher-hitchens, humour, literature, writing

1186 likes

#5

“I personally believe we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.”
― Jane Wagner, The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe

tags: complaining, humour, language

427 likes

#6

“When did you get so smart?"
He tapped his forehead. "Brain transplant. They put in a whale's. I'm passing all my classes with my eyes closed now, but I just can't get over this craving for krill." He shrugged. "And I feel sorry for the whale that got my brain. Probably swimming around Florida now trying to catch glimpses of girls in bikinis.”
― Maggie Stiefvater, Lament: The Faerie Queen's Deception

tags: humour

265 likes

#7

“Last night I was seriously considering whether I was a bisexual or not but I don’t think so though I’m not sure if I’d like to be and argh I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, if you like a person, you like the person, not their genitals.”
― Jess C Scott, Tongue-Tied

tags: bisexuality, body, desire, funny, gender, gender-bending, gender-equality, honesty, individuality, lgbt, love, philosophy, relationships, sexuality

591 likes

#8

“Jerry Falwell said that the reason that September 11th happened, the reason that God allowed it to happen, was because of certain people in our country. People like, and I'm quoting, 'the pagans,' which is a motorcycle group. Feminists; he brought up feminists. [...] And I couldn't believe it, he said that God had actually talked to him and said, these were the people. That was the reason. It was those people, and that was the reason God allowed this to happen. And I thought, 'That's odd.' Because God had called me twelve hours before, and He said the reason He was upset was because of people like Jerry Falwell.”
― Lewis Black

131 likes

#9

“Valkyrie patted Fletcher’s arm. “Don’t worry,” she said. “If the bad man comes, I’ll protect you.”
“If the bad man comes,” Fletcher responded, “I’ll bravely give out a high-pitched scream to distract him. I may even bravely faint, to give him a false sense of security. That will be your signal to strike.”
“We make a great team.”
“Just don’t forget to stand in front of me the whole time,” he said.”
― Derek Landy, Death Bringer

tags: bad-man, humour, protection

398 likes

#10

“Oh, I love hugging. I wish I was an octopus, so I could hug 10 people at a time!”
― Drew Barrymore

167 likes

#11

“Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.”
― Stephen Hawking

tags: humour, science, wisdom

1749 likes

#12

“...I doubt very seriously whether anyone will hire me.'

What do you mean, babe? You a fine boy with a good education.'

Employers sense in me a denial of their values.' He rolled over onto his back. 'They fear me. I suspect that they can see that I am forced to function in a century I loathe. This was true even when I worked for the New Orleans Public Library.”
― John Kennedy Toole, A Confederacy of Dunces

tags: employment, humor, humour, work

222 likes

#13

“I have no objection to anyone’s sex life as long as they don’t practice it in the street and frighten the horses.”
― Oscar Wilde

401 likes

#14

“The man had a smooth voice, like velvet. “I’m Detective Inspector Me. Unusual name, I know. My family were incredibly
narcissistic. I’m lucky I escaped with any degree of humility at all, to be honest, but then I’ve always managed to exceed expectations. You are Kenny Dunne, are you not?”
“I am.”
“Just a few questions for you, Mr Dunne. Or Kenny. Can I call you Kenny? I feel we’ve become friends these past few seconds. Can I call you Kenny?”
“Sure,” Kenny said, slightly bafﬂed.
“Thank you. Thank you very much. It’s important you feel comfortable around me, Kenny. It’s important we build up a level of trust. That way I’ll catch you completely unprepared when I
suddenly accuse you of murder.”
― Derek Landy, Death Bringer

tags: accuse, death-bringer, humour, murder

267 likes

#15

“We need to reclaim the word 'feminism'. We need the word 'feminism' back real bad. When statistics come in saying that only 29% of American women would describe themselves as feminist - and only 42% of British women - I used to think, What do you think feminism IS, ladies? What part of 'liberation for women' is not for you? Is it freedom to vote? The right not to be owned by the man you marry? The campaign for equal pay? 'Vogue' by Madonna? Jeans? Did all that good shit GET ON YOUR NERVES? Or were you just DRUNK AT THE TIME OF THE SURVEY?”
― Caitlin Moran, How to Be a Woman

tags: feminism, humour

993 likes

#16

“When danger reared its ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled.”
― Graham Chapman, Monty Python and the Holy Grail (Book): Mønti Pythøn Ik Den Hølie Gräilen

tags: humor, humour, sir-robin

84 likes

#17

“Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? 'Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is share the love. Beep.' 'Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic… speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.”
― Andy Rooney

tags: humour

66 likes

#18

“Who's Kreacher?"
"The house-elf who lives here," said Ron. "Nutter. Never met one like him."
"He is not a nutter," said Hermione.
"His life's ambition is to have his head cut off and stuck up on a plaque like his mother", said Ron. "Is that normal, Hermione?”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

tags: harry-potter, humour, kreacher, ron-weasley

173 likes

#19

“That money talks, I'll not deny, I heard it once: it said, 'goodbye”
― Richard Armour

tags: humour, life, money

88 likes

#20

“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.”
― Shirley Temple Black

tags: fame, humour, santa-claus

58 likes

#21

“Could you please put this--could you all put these--could you get dressed, please?"
The woman only bestowed a serene smile on me. "We are as the Goddess requires."
"The Goddess requires you to be naked on my lawn?”
― Kelley Armstrong, Dime Store Magic

tags: humour

56 likes

#22

“If they projected the fact that they are dangerous any harder, there would be little puddles of "danger" on the floor around them. Look, it's "danger", don't step in it!”
― Mercedes Lackey, The Eagle & the Nightingales

tags: humour, satire, t-fyrr

42 likes

#23

“At first, I could lie about my lack of sleep and she'd fall for it, but she started suspecting insomnia when I began seeing purple elephants in the air vents at the office. I knew I shouldn't have asked her about them. I thought maybe she'd redecorated.”
― Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead

tags: humor, humour

133 likes

#24

“Discipline allows magic. To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write every day to force the Muse to show up. You get into the habit of writing every day so that when she shows up, you have the maximum chance of catching her, bashing her on the head, and squeezing every last drop out of that bitch.”
― Lili St. Crow

tags: funny, funny-as-hell, funny-quotes, funny-stuff, humor, humor-work, humorous, humour, wisdom, writer, writers-block, writers-on-writing, writing, writing-philosophy

236 likes

#25

“I was flipping channels, watching this cheerleading program on MTV. They took a field hockey girl and “transformed” her into a cheerleader by the end of the show. I was just wondering: what if she liked field hockey better?”
― Jess C Scott, EyeLeash: A Blog Novel

tags: body, books, cool, culture, desire, emotion, friendship, funny, girl, honesty, humor, humour, imagination, individuality, life, love, music, novel, passion, reality, relationships, romance, self, sex, technology, truth, wisdom, young, youth

85 likes

#26

“I'm sorry,' said the shopkeeper. 'I can't understand your ridiculous accent.'
'My accent?'
'It is quite silly.'
'So you can't understand me?'
'Not a word.'
'Then how did you understand that?'
'I didn't.'
''You didn't understand what I just said?'
'That's right.'
'You understood that, though.'
'Not at all.'
The American glowered.”
― Derek Landy, Death Bringer

tags: humour

111 likes

#27

“Don't ask me who's influenced me. A lion is made up of all the lambs he's digested, and I've been reading all my life.”
― Giorgos Seferis

tags: humour, influence

99 likes

#28

“Oh, China. How I have missed you.'
'And I have missed you, Eliza. But don't worry, next time my aim will be better.”
― Derek Landy, Death Bringer

tags: humour

117 likes

#29

“Were you proposing to shoot these people in cold blood, sergeant?"
"Nossir. Just a warning shot inna head, sir.”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

tags: fantasy, humour, siege-engines, trolls

72 likes

#30

“A lot of people say there's a fine line between genius and insanity. I don't think there's a fine line, I actually think there's a yawning gulf. You see some poor bugger scuffling up the road with balloons tied to his ears, he's not going home to invent a rocket, is he?”
― Bill Bailey

tags: 1998, comedian, humour, is-it-bill-bailey, tv

25 likes

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