Grace Troy > Grace's Quotes

“I’m on a government watch list. But I’m not interested, because government watches only work twenty minutes out of every hour.”
― Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

“If I have to beat you up to keep you safe, that’s just what I’ll do. It’s this kind of regard for others that makes me believe I’d be a good politician.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

“Fight or flight? If I had wings, there’d be no choice. But since I don’t have wings, I have to rely on my cape, and a long running start.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

“I wonder if rooms in an insane asylum have Do Not Disturb signs for the doors. I should hope not, because knock or no knock, every occupant in those rooms is already disturbed.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

“I once saw a snake having sex with a vulture, and I thought, It’s just business as usual in Washington DC.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

“I’ve got a sizeable retirement nest egg. It’s an ostrich egg, and it’s going to make an omelet so big that it’ll produce enough leftovers for decades.
”
― Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

“Reading a book is like having the ability to dip a straw into the author’s soul and sip and slurp without lowering the water table of wisdom.
”
― Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

“I’m trying to translate what my cat says and put it in a book, but how many homonyms are there for meow?”
― Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

“The wind blew my words away from you. So while I told you I love you, the phrase was carried in the opposite direction and landed 333 miles away in the ears of a confused farmer. He was nice, though. He sent me a kind letter saying that while he was flattered, I wasn’t really his type.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

“Every night I cuddle with a blob of unbaked clay I fashioned in the shape of a woman. But that’s what being in love is all about.”
― Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

“Writers fish for the right words like fishermen fish for, um, whatever those aquatic creatures with fins and gills are called. 
”
― Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

“I just realized my lips are inside out. They should be turned inwards, because I spend most of my time talking to myself.”
― Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

“Love has a shape, but no color. You’re probably wondering, “If it’s transparent, how do you know what shape it is?” Good question. Well, for one thing, I put it together, and for another, I’m currently wearing it like body armor (though to the casual observer, I appear naked).”
― Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

“I have a beard of fog that I wear on misty mornings. It’s not cigarette smoke, but I’d understand if you wanted to shave it off and inhale it.”
― Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

“Too bad Americans can’t export Awesome, because I have boxes and boxes of the stuff just lying around in my attic.”
― Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

“I love running. I’m not into marathons, but I am into avoiding problems at an accelerated rate.”
― Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

“I cut an inch off of every straw I see, just to make the world suck a little less.
”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“I want to be the kind of person that kind people like and want to be like.”
― Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

“With my last breath, I’ll exhale my love for you. I hope it’s a cold day, so you can see what you meant to me.
”
― Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

“Just because I liked something at one point in time doesn’t mean I’ll always like it, or that I have to go on liking it at all points in time as an unthinking act of loyalty to who I am as a person, based solely on who I was as a person. To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think. The only thing I am for sure is unsure, and this means I’m growing, and not stagnant or shrinking.”
― Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

“One thing I often get carried away with is piggyback rides.”
― Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

“I’d rather fake my own fog, than fake a steamy love scene. Can I interest you in some mist? It’s homemade.”
― Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

“More people are leaving TV behind to read my books than ever before. In the last year alone I gained over two readers (three, to be exact). So I’d like to take a moment and say thanks mom, dad, and kidnap victim I keep chained in the basement.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.

“At Starbucks I like ordering a “Tall venti in a grande cup.” That’s basically me asking for a small large in a medium cup.
”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“Despite marking the spot, Generation X has no treasure. How could they, when I dug it up first?”
― Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

“Artists exist to show us the world. So do windows.”
― Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

“In the land of Gibberish, the man who makes sense, the man who speaks clearly, clearly speaks nonsense.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

“If one unlabeled bottle holds nonfat milk, what does the second unlabeled bottle contain? If you answered “Whole milk” then you’re obviously not ready to receive a jug of my love. So I’ll just pour it in someone else’s coffee.
”
― Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

“I love like a leaf in the wind. Please, hold your applause until the end of the performance (the last day of fall).”
― Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

“I still remember her meandering Mississippi kiss. I sipped it like a riverboat captain in the desert. Ah, to be young and naughtily nautical.”
― Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.