Big Books of 2026

Ashley > Ashley's Quotes

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  • #1
    J.G. Ballard
    “I believe in the power of the imagination to remake the world, to release the truth within us, to hold back the night, to transcend death, to charm motorways, to ingratiate ourselves with birds, to enlist the confidences of madmen.”
    ― J.G. Ballard
    tags: imagination, immortality
    1860 likes

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  • #2
    Oscar Wilde
    “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
    ― Oscar Wilde
    tags: attributed-no-source, be-yourself, gilbert-perreira, honesty, inspirational, misattributed-oscar-wilde, quote-investigator
    176990 likes

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  • #3
    Robert Frost
    “In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.”
    ― Robert Frost
    tags: life
    109283 likes

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  • #4
    Russell Brand
    “Over the road there was a church: a modern gray building, which constantly played a recording of church bells. Strange it was. Why no proper bells? I never went in but I bet it was a robot church for androids, where the Bible was in binary and their Jesus had laser eyes and metal claws.”
    ― Russell Brand, My Booky Wook
    tags: church, comedy, funny, humor, robots
    21 likes

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  • #5
    Steven Wright
    “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: comedian, comedy, plagiarism
    43 likes

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  • #6
    Adrianne Ambrose
    “Some people fight fire with fire. I've found water to be more effective.”
    ― Adrianne Ambrose, Confessions of a Virgin Sacrifice
    tags: amazons, barbarians, comedy, fantasy, parody
    18 likes

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  • #7
    P.G. Wodehouse
    “Bicky rocked, like a jelly in a high wind.”
    ― P.G. Wodehouse
    tags: british, comedy, english, humor, jello, jelly, wodehouse
    13 likes

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  • #8
    Wes Locher
    “Ever since the robot was first invented, there have been people who swear up and down that this marks the first step towards the fall of man … To be fair, their arguments are backed with scientific fact taken from documentary films such as The Terminator, The Matrix, and RoboCop.”
    ― Weston Locher, Musings on Minutiae
    tags: anecdote, comedy, essay, funny, humor
    10 likes

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  • #9
    Lewis Black
    “Each of us is full of shit in our own special way. We are all shitty little snowflakes dancing in the universe.”
    ― Lewis Black, Me of Little Faith
    tags: comedy, individuality, inspirational
    206 likes

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  • #10
    Demetri Martin
    “THE ZERO SUM GAME: I have found that people whose hair is teased do not like brainteasers. By the same token, people who like brainteasers do not have teased hair. It’s clear that the human cranium cannot sustain both.”
    ― Demetri Martin, This Is a Book
    3 likes

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  • #11
    Demetri Martin
    “Relationships, like eyebrows, are better when there is space between them.”
    ― Demetri Martin, This is a Book
    tags: relationships
    9 likes

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  • #12
    Demetri Martin
    “I like video games, but they're really violent. I'd like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games. It'd be called 'Really Busy Hospital.”
    ― Demetri Martin
    tags: comedians, demetri-martin, funny, games, helping-others, humor, shot, video-games
    265 likes

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  • #13
    Demetri Martin
    “Sort of' is such a harmless thing to say... sort of. It's just a filler. Sort of... it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like... after "I love you"... or "You're going to live"... or "It's a boy!”
    ― Demetri Martin
    tags: comedian, comedy, equivocation, funny, humor
    72 likes

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  • #14
    Demetri Martin
    “I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack.”
    ― Demetri Martin
    46 likes

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  • #15
    Demetri Martin
    “About a month ago I got a cactus. A week later, it died. I was really depressed because I was like, 'Damn! I am less nurturing than a desert.”
    ― Demetri Martin
    36 likes

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  • #16
    Demetri Martin
    “Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.”
    ― Demetri Martin
    tags: art, crafts, glitter, herpes
    52 likes

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  • #17
    Demetri Martin
    “100% of the people who give 110% do not understand math.”
    ― Demetri Martin, This is a Book
    tags: humor
    31 likes

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  • #18
    Demetri Martin
    “Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest.”
    ― Demetri Martin
    29 likes

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  • #19
    Demetri Martin
    “If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I’d probably just start calling out letters.”
    ― Demetri Martin
    19 likes

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  • #20
    Demetri Martin
    “I am a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a pita. Why the pita? That counts as another mystery.”
    ― Demetri Martin
    tags: enigma, mystery, paraphrased, pita
    29 likes

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  • #21
    Demetri Martin
    “THING TO TRY: If you are asked to describe a suspect to a police sketch artist, describe in precise detail, the features of the police sketch artist. This is one of the rare instances where two people can do one self-portrait.”
    ― Demetri Martin, This is a Book
    tags: demetri-martin, humour, this-is-a-book
    27 likes

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  • #22
    Demetri Martin
    “It is illegal to yell “fire” in a crowded theater. If there is a fire, please yell something else instead, like “Flames!” or “Smoke maker!” or “Bad hot!”
    ― Demetri Martin, This is a Book
    tags: demetri-martin, humour, this-is-a-book
    24 likes

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  • #23
    Demetri Martin
    “REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.”
    ― Demetri Martin, This is a Book
    tags: demetri-martin, humour, this-is-a-book
    16 likes

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  • #24
    Demetri Martin
    “I am the Walrus, but not the one you're probably thinking of. I am the other Walrus, the one who is less the Walrus in the sense of legendary music and more the Walrus in the sense of his tendency to to lie around in places for too long.”
    ― Demetri Martin, This is a Book
    tags: humor
    12 likes

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  • #25
    Demetri Martin
    “There's an old Russian saying that goes some way or another. I don't know it. I don't speak Russian. But sometimes I think about it and wonder if it's relevant to what I'm going through at the time. Probably not. I mean what do Russian know about hunger, anyway?”
    ― Demetri Martin
    8 likes

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  • #26
    Demetri Martin
    “The lord works in mysterious ways.
    Indeed.
    And a shorter way to say that is:
    God is a sneak”
    ― Demetri Martin
    tags: humor, religion
    7 likes

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  • #27
    Demetri Martin
    “I was an "Omnivore." Like a lot of people, I didn't know any better. Then I read a couple of books. One of them was called How Chickens Are Raped Before You Eat Them. Another was called Hotdogs and Fingertips. I also read The Cow Feces Dilemma as well as Barf, STDs and Veal.”
    ― Demetri Martin
    3 likes

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  • #28
    Demetri Martin
    “Hotel Conundrum: The continental breakfast. What is it that makes continents so shitty at providing an adequate breakfast?”
    ― Demetri Martin, This is a Book
    tags: humorous
    2 likes

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  • #29
    Demetri Martin
    “Fact: The plastic knife is perfect for when a person just wants to make some marks on his food and get insanely frustrated at the same time.”
    ― Demetri Martin, This is a Book
    tags: humorous
    2 likes

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  • #30
    Demetri Martin
    “Every cloud has a silver lining. Right. Okay. And, tell me again how a silver lining helps me?”
    ― Demetri Martin, This is a Book
    tags: outlook-in-life
    3 likes



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Tags From Ashley’s Quotes

imagination
immortality
attributed-no-source
be-yourself
gilbert-perreira
honesty
inspirational
misattributed-oscar-wilde
quote-investigator
life
church
comedy
funny
humor
robots
comedian
plagiarism
amazons
barbarians
fantasy
parody
british
english
jello
jelly
wodehouse
anecdote
essay
individuality
relationships
comedians
demetri-martin
games
helping-others
shot
video-games
equivocation
art
crafts
glitter
herpes
enigma
mystery
paraphrased
pita
humour
this-is-a-book
religion
humorous
outlook-in-life