Joanne > Joanne's Quotes

“Why didn’t I listen to my drill instructor from boot camp? He told us flat out, ‘Don’t EVER volunteer for anything! If you’re picked you go, but don’t EVER volunteer your worthless lives!’ Words to live by.”
― Mark Tufo, Zombie Fallout

“Your existence gives me a headache. Go stand over there.”
― Darynda Jones, Fourth Grave Beneath My Feet

“Some people are like Slinkies. They aren't really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to my face when I push them down a flight of stairs.”
― Patricia Briggs, Iron Kissed

“Put the small stuff into perspective. It's better to be wrong and alive than right but eating brains.”
― Jesse Petersen

“Sometimes I have the urge to conquer large parts of Europe.”
― Patricia Briggs, Cry Wolf

“Nothing says you're sorry like a dead bunny.”
― Patricia Briggs, River Marked

“He was like Superman, but with fangs and oddly impaired morals.”
― Patricia Briggs, River Marked

“You’re kidding, right?” I asked in response to his song choice. I was being dragged through a tunnel by a tripping madman singing Disney songs…with zombies above me. I couldn’t have made this shit up if I tried.”
― Mark Tufo, 'Till Death Do Us Part

“it looked like we had gone through a car wash designed by Stephen King.”
― Mark Tufo, Zombie Fallout

“Just because she tried to eat us doesn't mean she was wrong”
― Jesse Petersen, Married with Zombies

“Address one issue at a time.You can't load gasoline, pick up food, AND kill fifteen zombies at once”
― Jesse Petersen, Married with Zombies

“Find creative ways to have fun together. Looting is really underrated.”
― Jesse Petersen, Married with Zombies

“Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that.
- T-shirt”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“That took balls."

"Please," I said with a snort, "that took ovaries. Of which I have two.”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“Genius has its limitations.
Insanity...not so much" -Bumper Sticker”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“If I couldn't be a good example, I'd just have to be a horrible warning.”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“I stop fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now. T-shirt”
― Darynda Jones, Second Grave on the Left

“I may not look like much, but I'm an expert at pretending to be a ninja.”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. -T-Shirt”
― Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead

“IF IT HAS TIRES OR TESTICLES, IT’S GONNA GIVE YOU TROUBLE. —BUMPER STICKER”
― Darynda Jones, Second Grave on the Left

“I'd have a longer attention span if there weren't so many shiny things.”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“DON’T GO BUYING TROUBLE.
IT’S FREE AND IT KNOWS WHERE YOU LIVE.
—T-SHIRT”
― Darynda Jones, Second Grave on the Left

“Make it quick," I said when I picked up.
"Okay. Two men from the FBI are here." Cookie said. Quickly.
Crap. "Men in black are at the office?"
"Well, yes, but they're actually in more of a navy."
Crapola. I so don't have time for men. In any color. "Okay, two questions. Do they look mad, and are they hot?"
After a long, long, pause, Cookie said, "One, not really. Two, no comment at this time. And three, you're on speakerphone."
After another long, long pause, I said, "Okie dokie then. Be there in a jiff.”
― Darynda Jones, Second Grave on the Left

“WITH GREAT BREASTS COMES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY. —T-SHIRT”
― Darynda Jones, Second Grave on the Left

“You know you have ADD when Look A chicken - T-shirt”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“If life hands you lemons,keep them. Because, hey, free lemons.-T-Shirt”
― Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead

“I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels.”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“NEVER BE AFRAID TO DART AROUND IN PUBLIC, HUMMING THE MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE THEME SONG. —T-SHIRT”
― Darynda Jones, Second Grave on the Left

“SOME GIRLS WEAR PRADA. SOME GIRLS WEAR GLOCK 17 SHORT RECOIL SPRING-LOADED SEMIAUTOMATIC PISTOLS WITH A LOADED CHAMBER INDICATOR AND A NONSLIP GRIP. - T-SHIRT”
― Darynda Jones, Second Grave on the Left

“I know karate, and like two other Japanese words - T-SHIRT”
― Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead