Act Therapy Quotes

“Over time, this will take the impact out of those self-judgmental thoughts and scary feelings; they’ll still show up, but you won’t need to let them hold you back. You can then connect with your values, remember why you’re learning these new skills, and ask yourself this question: In the service of building the relationship I want, am I willing to make room for these difficult thoughts and feelings?”
― Russ Harris, ACT with Love: Stop Struggling, Reconcile Differences, and Strengthen Your Relationship with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

“...very often, others hurt us unintentionally: out of anxiety, insecurity, envy, jealousy, or sheer ignorance.

Ignorance is a big factor in hurting others. Think about how often you have unintentionally hurt someone you truly care about by saying or doing something that you never expected to be hurtful. Lack of awareness is another common culprit. How often have you upset or hurt someone simply because you did not pay attention to what you were doing and how it was affecting them? Or because you were so caught up in your own thoughts and feelings that you were unaware of theirs?

Regardless of the motivation, whenever somebody hurts us, we feel pain. And if we respond in OBEY or STRUGGLE mode, that usually just magnifies it. For example, we may get angry about what happened and take it out on the people around us, often hurting others in the process. Or we may replay those painful memories over and over, hurting ourselves repeatedly to no avail.”
― Russ Harris, ACT with Love: Stop Struggling, Reconcile Differences, and Strengthen Your Relationship with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

“Love is a great adventure. It brings wonder and fear, pleasure and pain, suffering and joy. Appreciate this adventure while it lasts. Make the most of it. Learn from it. Grow from it. And when the going gets tough, treat yourself kindly.”
― Russ Harris, ACT with Love: Stop Struggling, Reconcile Differences, and Strengthen Your Relationship with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

“Because human beings screw up so often, I repeatedly ask my clients these three questions:

1. When your partner screws up, how would you ideally respond?
2. When you screw up, how would you ideally like your partner to respond?
3. When either one of you screws up, what would you ideally say or do to handle it effectively, repair, and make amends?

Before answering these questions, get in touch with your values; reflect on the sort of partner you want to be. Think again of “doormats” and “battering rams,” “sharks” and “puppy dogs.” If you could respond mindfully, in line with your core values, then what would you say and do when one of you screws up?”
― Russ Harris, ACT with Love: Stop Struggling, Reconcile Differences, and Strengthen Your Relationship with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

“No matter how good your relationship gets, there will be times when painful emotions arise. The better you are at supporting yourself, with genuine kindness and consideration, the better you’ll get through these difficult times. So practice this often. When your mind’s beating you up, unhook from the story and start speaking kindly to yourself. When painful feelings show up, add a “kind hand ” to your TAME. When life’s getting you down, do genuinely kind things for yourself. Self-compassion won’t magically solve your problems, but it will help you cope better when you’re deeply hurting.”
― Russ Harris, ACT with Love: Stop Struggling, Reconcile Differences, and Strengthen Your Relationship with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

“It’s easy to see the similarities between self-compassion and secure attachment. When we are in pain, hurting, and suffering, we need comfort, reassurance, and nurture. Our painful thoughts and feelings are “cries of distress”—and, when we show self-compassion, we respond to these with kindness, caring, and support. And the more reliably and sensitively we do so, the greater the benefit. Over time, with the regular practice of self-compassion, we develop a “secure attachment style” with ourselves: a sense of trust in our own ability to support, nurture, and look after ourselves.”
― Russ Harris, Trauma-Focused ACT: A Practitioner's Guide to Working with Mind, Body, and Emotion Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy