Secure Attachment Quotes

“Attachments that are not fostered may lend to the child's inability to properly attach or have no attachment at all.”
― Asa Don Brown, The Effects of Childhood Trauma on Adult Perception and Worldview

“A secure attachment is the ability to bond; to develop a secure and safe base...”
― Asa Don Brown, The Effects of Childhood Trauma on Adult Perception and Worldview

“The Dictionary defines Soul Mate as: A person who is perfectly suited to another in temperament. Before I met mine, I didn't know I was bonkers!”
― James Hauenstein

“As her eyes met his, Grace took strength in that feeling of understanding, which she now knew to be another form of love. Being understood, appreciated, and not judged: these, surely, were the cornerstones of real love. The love that helps us forth in life, no matter what it throws at us, no matter what we lose.”
― Natalie Jenner, Bloomsbury Girls

“Our brainstems take in the rhythmic movements of [our mother/primary attachment] as she attentively follows our bid for play, our drift towards sleep, our signal that it is time to be quietly together.

In our midbrain, our SEEKING system finds the waiting eyes and arms of our mother's CARE system in times of PLAY or GRIEF, patterning the expectation that connections will be restored when they are momentarily lost, that ruptures will call forth repairs.”
― Bonnie Badenoch, The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships

“Love is not supposed to feel like a guessing game. Real love feels like an exhale.”
― Louise Fields, Stop Dating the Wrong Letters: A Playful-but-True Guide to Finding Love That Fits (Alphabetically Speaking)

“Ruptures are a daily occurrence in all our relationships and ... our systems only need to receive resonance and reflection on the first try at connecting about 33 percent of the time to cultivate security. All the rest is optimally rupture and repair.”
― Bonnie Badenoch, The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships

“Human beings are a species evolved for secure connection with others--that's just human biology & neuroscience.
But some of us wonder if we can feel secure without being abandoned
&
some of us wonder if we can feel secure without being overwhelmed.
Some of us a little of both.”
― Allyson Dinneen, Notes From Your Therapist: Essential Insights from Mental Health Therapy on Emotional Well-Being and Nurturing Relationships

“individuals who refuse to adapt to a totalitarian regime are not doing so out of a sense of duty or because of naïveté but because they cannot help but be true to themselves”
― Alice Miller, For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence

“If an adult has not developed and mind of his own, then he will find himself at the mercy of the authorities for better or worse, just as an infant finds itself at the mercy of its parents. Saying no to those more powerful will always seem to threatening to him.”
― Alice Miller, For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence

“Jika ada perselisihan, kami bicarakan dan cari jalan tengah untuk menghindari pertengkaran di depan anak-anak. Hal ini penting karena riset menemukan bahwa ketika orangtua sering bertengkar di depan anak, stress yang dirasakan orangtua bisa dirasakan anak dan mempengaruhi perkembangan otak mereka. Sebaliknya jika mereka sering melihat kasih sayang yang ditunjukkan ayah-ibunya, ada pembentukan neuron di otak mereka. Jadi keliru jika mengatakan satu-satunya yang terpenting adalah hubungan orangtua dengan anak, karena kesuksesan anak dalam hal kognitif dan emosional bukan ditentukan berdasarkan secure attachment antara ibu dan anak, tapi secure attachment antara ayah-ibunya.”
― Nailal Fahmi, Pendidikan Keluarga Kami

“When her eyes stop on me and her smile goes wide, I know. Toni said before that I was worth every good thing, but I think it's more than that. I am every good thing.”
― Leah Johnson, Rise to the Sun

“Honestly? I actually prefer to be a little intellectually intimidated by the women I love.”
― Lokesh Tuli, Notes From Exile: The "Manual for the Broken”

“It’s easy to see the similarities between self-compassion and secure attachment. When we are in pain, hurting, and suffering, we need comfort, reassurance, and nurture. Our painful thoughts and feelings are “cries of distress”—and, when we show self-compassion, we respond to these with kindness, caring, and support. And the more reliably and sensitively we do so, the greater the benefit. Over time, with the regular practice of self-compassion, we develop a “secure attachment style” with ourselves: a sense of trust in our own ability to support, nurture, and look after ourselves.”
― Russ Harris, Trauma-Focused ACT: A Practitioner's Guide to Working with Mind, Body, and Emotion Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy